Tag: #startingover

If you read this entire site in reverse, you can trace back to my brand of suffering— passion.

I used to obsess over the idea of what my life should be, rather than just living it. But without trying, just by letting it go and embracing the present, I created that life.

And then the obsession disappeared.

I cured my suffering.

You’re not really looking for anything, you just know you’re missing out, not living fully, not engaged. That’s why you start reading self improvement books and listen to podcasts about getting better– you’re looking for a new start.

You’re gonna hate the answer, but it’s in front of you.

You have to make the most of what’s in front of you.

And the way to do that is to let go your ideas of what should happen next. You don’t know, forcing decision isn’t going to help you know any more.

The irony of the search is you don’t find seeking, you find living.

Like when you give up looking for that one household item and it suddenly “turns up” in plain site.

Must be the same universal law, point is, if you want a better life– SUBMIT to the life you have. EMBRACING this is the way forward.

–FOOL

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It’s funny, I wanted everything I’m doing right now.

I wanted it so bad, and now I’ve got it– I’m doing it for a living, I was right about this being for me. But if I knew this was it, if I knew I was right back then, I’d never have made it here.

There must be millions of reasons we’re not meant to know our futures, but one of the more convincing ones is we’d mess it all up if it was entirely in our hands.

I got here not by wanting this and not by moving towards it, but by letting it go.

For every time I tried to force an outcome, I moved away from it.

I never made anything happen.

If I’m retracing steps, I got here by letting go of everything outside of my control and focusing on the small immediate things I could do (like daily writing).

That’s my advice to you.

Maybe you have an idea of what you want, maybe you haven’t a clue– both require the same next steps.

Let go of what you think you know, and do the one thing you can do on your own and where you are.

That simple and small action is the shovel that will allow you to tunnel vision your way to fortune.

–FOOL

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Part 1:

Determine what the hell you want

You need to pick something and it can be vague, but you need to point to an end goal and it needs to be within your field of vision because if you can see it, you can move towards it.

When it comes to all the progress and success I’ve made, one thing led to everything and that is the Death Ground approach.

This strategy forces us to change, to adapt, to swim.

It was only when I threw myself in chaos that my mind woke up to reality, I could see clearly and knew what I needed to do.

And you know what?

I’m overdue for another.

The reason you’re stuck is because you’re good.

You have it okay.

You don’t feel anything close to the vest– and so you wonder.

If you want to snap back to life, force change.

Throw yourself unto unfamiliar grounds and wake up the dull parts of your mind. You’re not lost, you’re modern. You need a little bit of that lizard brain energy, you need to hunt, to fight, to embrace it all.

I’m not talking about the bullshit self improvement crap.

GO SOMEWHERE different, change.

–FOOL

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Most of us don’t want change.

We say we do, we dream about it, but the reason most people are in the same spot day in and day out– year after year, is because they’re ultimately okay with their circumstances.

The scariest thing about staying where you are is that time will catch up with you. If you’re not building something, developing yourself, chipping away at some goal you’ve set, time will catch you off-guard— and when it does, it’ll be a lump sum painment due at once.

Your development is up to you.

You have to take it in your own hands.

When I started this role at my current company, I was learning nonstop– and I don’t mean bullshit products and services.

I was developing skills– and the fulfillment was there as a result.

But now, it’s just about maneuvering a bullshit political landscape.

Even worse, they don’t care about the work, they just want what they want.

Most will adapt to the company’s needs, I adapt to my own.

The danger with staying in a place like this is you get worse as time goes on. You’re not moving towards anything, if at all, so each passing week, each new year, each day— is on groundhog time.

Your life is just a repeat of the day before.

You have to make time work to your advantage, and the only way to do that is to pick something to do– an activity, a project, whatever, and start chipping away at that.

Momentum is everything, don’t lose it waiting to be saved.

–FOOL

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When I’m chatting with strangers they assume I’m some enlightened writer who’s figured out the game and how to win it.

They think I don’t slip, but if they’d only see me with my own family they would quickly learn that when I do get low, I hit so much lower than they ever could.

I don’t love that about me, but I don’t hate it either.

Take a long trip away from what you know, away from all the people you’re the lowest around, and the only thing you’ll be met with is who you actually are.

That’s why I never liked being around family for too long– it isn’t them, it’s what they bring out of me, which is my past.

We all have our own calls to evolution.

Who we need to become in order to succeed.

If you’re pissed off inside the home, you need to leave it. If you find yourself in a mood more often than not, “that mood” isn’t a bad thing. It’s your values speaking from within you, signaling the need for change.

Most people instead try to rationalize that feeling– they think, “I should learn to be happy, or be better around my family” which is stupid AF.

You didn’t choose your values, you didn’t choose your mind or personality, you were BORN to them.

Your soul speaks to you daily, it calls for you to take specific action.

And if the signal tells you disappearing is good for you, then make like a magician.

This doesn’t mean you should be an asshole (that’s the part I’m still working on), but it does mean negotiating isn’t a solution.

Pay attention to where you thrive, and GO THERE.

STOP thinking, rationalizing, and making it deeper than it is.

The CALL is for those who hear it, pick up the phone.

–FOOL

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Hey Fool.

I’m about to hop on a plane and take a trip— so I’ll kick this off with two things. For starters, don’t expect any new posts until next week and also, I got the reminder.

I remember reading about this phenomena years back– probably not the right word, but this thing the brain does, and I was reminded of it yesterday as I started packing and getting ready for take off.

Why is it when we’re leaving, when we’re short on time, when we’re taking a trip, we see our people in the best possible light?

I almost ALWAYS have the best conversations, the best laughs, and feel the most connected to everyone in my life right before I’m leaving for a longer period of time.

They say it’s because it’s only when we’re about to leave, we’re reminded of the fact that we may never see each other again— we’re reminded of our own and their own mortality.

It takes no awareness to wake up and act like a little bitch. It takes nothing to rise, act rude, be stressed, and treat everyone like they’re part of the background.

Being absent from your life is the default.

But to remember the truth and act from that vantage– is extremely difficult and takes a lot of upfront willpower.

And the truth that we should all keep top of mind is our “touch of death.”

We’re on a trip and I know it sounds cheesy and motivational speaker-y, but it’s quite literally the most important factor to consider when you’re making decisions.

You don’t need a physical trip to remember this.

You just need to embrace the fact that this is all temporary, not life, not the journey, fuck all that— The character you play as and the life they live is borrowed opportunity.

You have ZERO clue as to where this goes, when it ends, and how it plays out.

I’m not suggesting you walk around looking for adventure or make speeches about the importance of positivity.

All I’m saying is chill, be present, act as if you knew the ending was near and you wanted to squeeze the moments out of every interaction.

Imagine the life you’d live if you lived like this.

Chat soon,

—another FOOL

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You’re in the movie, but the movie isn’t playing anywhere?

Ahhh the games of the universe—sometimes it seems like there are limitless ways to humble even the brightest of stars.

But I wanna talk about the struggle behind being authentic, and what’s awaiting you on your journey.

Authenticity is great– and even as important as it is, it’s still underrated. When you know yourself and do right by yourself, making life decisions that honor your values becomes easy.

Being authentic will make you feel good inside, the kinda good that combats low self-esteem, depression, and keeps you away from self-destructive hobbies.

No one is questioning the need for authenticity…… the question I’m bringing up is:

Can you be TOO authentic TOO soon?

I want to be clear with saying this– you should always be you, on the inside.

That’s the real opportunity of life, you have a chance to project yourself materially, and make something that comes from your own uniqueness.

Stop and think about how crazy that is–we actually have that ability AND most will never use it.

Back to authenticity, there is a danger to taking it too far.

The way life is setup, we’re rewarded for engagement and participation. We’re awarded for playing games.

You can’t decide not to play anymore, not while still depending on the game (working a full-time job, having a family, living in suburbia).

Here’s the truth of it— here’s the truth of it all.

KEEP your colorful self for your best of friends, but for the game, only show shades of it.

To have a fulfilling life, theres a level of alchemy you have to perform on yourself. BEYOND just being who you are– you have to be the best of it.

How do you do that?

At first, you pretend.

You invent a version of yourself who wins where you want to win, but can’t.

We imagine people will naturally respect realness, but where do you think the term “martyr” came from? No one actually wants to be Jesus, they just found themselves on a cross (road) when they kept being honest.

People like fantasy.

If you remove that with everyone you interact with, they end up disliking you. Even worse, they’ll just find you repulsive, annoying, and rigid and you won’t get anywhere….. or anything.

You need to be authentic with yourself, but stop showing everyone everything. I like learning about dinosaurs in movies, but from a museum— you find out that thing died because its arms killed it long before the meteors.

–FOOL

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My fairy tale knowledge is limited, so much so that I can’t even name a popular movie scene and pull it off successfully— not without the aid of google, but anyway–

You’ll get the gist.

Ever see those cartoons where there’s a princess being guarded in some tower?

She lives inside and is awaiting a hero to come and free her.

You know the one?

Well, in real life, you’re the princess–blondie.

This is the part of you that wants to escape the tower and experience the world.

But you have one major obstacle:

Overcoming your guards.

They are the repetitive decisions we make that keep us safe. They are why most of us stay exactly where we are and never move onto bigger and better things.

I’ll use myself as an example because I’m already martyring– I have a trip coming up in a few days. At first, I looked forward to it, was excited by it, the newness thrilled me. I’ve never been to this place, and even though it’s a “work” trip, the work itself is fun.

As this trip date approaches, so too do my guards— and they have royal decrees in hand, persuading me not to leave because “something-something” may occur.

Not very convincing but I do listen to their counsel, mostly.

Problem is if you want that life of adventure, the one you daydream about when you stare outside your castle window, you have to stop listening to that inner voice… even if it’s right…. even if what it’s saying makes logical sense.

Because that same negative voice that wants to keep you safe is once again holding you back– feeding you lies about what could happen or maybe it’s true, maybe those things are likely to happen. But it doesn’t matter.

The change you want can only come from momentum.

IF you keep saying NO to every rider, you’ll wait for a thousand and one knights.

You don’t have to feel like it. You don’t have to like it. You don’t even have to be convinced.

You just have to step outside—that’s your only job. Leave the castle walls and move forward with whatever is out there.

Escape your guards and embrace your life.

–FOOL

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Most of us suck at making long-term decisions in the short.

We’re emotional, on top of that, we wrongly estimate (in every direction) how things will play out and then act on that guesstimate.

People don’t reach their goals because they never actually move towards them.

I was never a fan of the 10 year plan concept– it’s too long and things change constantly. But there has to be something you use to keep you grounded and untempted by passing opportunities.

For me, that’s imagining my old self.

Take one of those photos that age you past your prime and stare at it– you’ll start thinking different.

I realized I act, day to day, like I won’t live very long.

Which would be fine if true, but if it turns out I healthily reach the end…. well, won’t be as prepared.

My plans have only ever been short term and poorly pieced together.

If I start looking at the bigger picture, the longer (for life) timeline, suddenly the things I’m worried about and having a hard time deciding, become resolved instantly.

When you’re making important decisions, you need to think long.

Take career planning for example.

The next 3 years have a different focus than the next 6, and looking at the latter– I’m thinking about experience and skill rather than pleasure and excitement.

Time changes what we focus on.

We need to consider time.

Plan with wisdom, live with play.

–FOOL

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There is no difference between thinking about yourself and suffering–

The more we focus on ourselves, the more miserable we become.

I think we all know this on an intuitive level, that’s why people with kids are a different kind of happier.

The answer isn’t to go deeper inside, it’s to get outside of yourself.

You need to find something to commit to, where you can engage with that thing ego-less-ly. It sucks to just have you— to just be what you are, it sucks.

If you don’t have something to serve, to bring value to, something that is bigger than you or takes priority in your life– you don’t fully live.

I don’t think we’re made to exist prioritizing the options we have today.

I could be wrong, but every person who is playing the game single-player sounds DEPRESSING… at least, to me they do.

People think they crave friendships, when they really need community (join a club, start a hobby, pick a skill, choose something and let yourself obsess over it– if its healthy).

Life can be rich and filled with unimaginable experiences, but it only opens up to those who are worthy.

You have to show up with open arms for doors to open.

Drop off what you think you know, and start fresh.

–FOOL

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If we had to generalize the landscape of a persons mind– I’d organize it into two buckets: Most of us either have a prison or a palace for our mental.

Everyone experiences whatever they’ve got, and they’re so used to it, they never stop and “think” is this working for me?

We’re victims of thinking, at least we start out that way.

Applied Faith is choosing to keep a mental attitude clear of fear and doubt, and directed and focused to the attainment of your desires.

It takes practice, but choosing to practice is the key here.

One of my favorite quotes is that corny we suffer in imagination more than reality, probably butchered that just now, but wanna stay on topic.

Yesterday, on some casual shit, I realized faith is missing in my own life.

In JUST two years, I pretty much changed my entire existence.

I became who I am, grew as an individual, experienced life more than I ever have, had my hands in various creative projects, and AM still going up.

BUT my autopilot-ed thoughts tell a different story— the “you still don’t have those childhood dreams so you’re a loser” tale.

Look back at the shittiest moments of your life and you’ll notice something– sure, the circumstances were probably shit, but you made them so much worse by being negative and fearful of the world.

Your resistance fueled the failure.

We could all use more faith.

Moving forward—

I’m going to assume the best, not on some idiotic-never-prepared-bullshit, but I’m going to choose to focus my attention on things I want and experiences I’d like to create.

I’m choosing to have and to practice faith.

Will you try it with me?

–FOOL

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Theres an emotional alchemy to pursuing any new life direction.

I don’t mean actual magic, but the truth is– you’ll have to perform small tricks on yourself to get started.

Goals are emotional, despite how rational your approach might be, most of us create a goal from having a “desire” to achieve it.

The challenge comes when the emotion, either runs dry, goes darth vader (you start getting angry at your not having it), or changes entirely– being no longer interested.

Latter part is my problem.

I pivot fast.

See, launching and sticking to a new habit is easy for me— so long as I’m interested. But, that never lasts and with the exit of passion, leaves the pursuit, basically I throw it all away and start back at zero as soon as I lose my captivation.

Most may think thats not your true passion– but I say that’s irrelevant.

If you want to start getting ahead, you should have Switzerland Plans. Your goals should be built on NEUTRAL ground. No b.s. passion, no over the top purpose, just practical goals– you can and want to achieve.

We’re talking bare minimum.

Each time I shoot for the stars, I end up living in the clouds.

When I’m practical, I don’t just see results, I GET THEM.

–FOOL

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I work remote, so it’s automatically a weird dynamic between my team and I.

Like any job, theres the awkward meetings, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and of course– the bullshit power games that accompany (pun intended) working for a company.

But the biggest lesson working here? Everyone think they’re smarter than they are.

It’s probably true for me too, but at least I’m aware of it.

These people would rather hide behind being smart and suffer, than risk looking dumb to get ahead.

If that wasn’t enough, they don’t want solutions. They just wanna gossip.

BUT what this all taught me about life is this— YOU’RE ALONE TO THE EXTENT YOU LIVE LIKE THIS.

They have walls up and mentally separate themselves from everyone else, then wonder why the hell they feel so terrible?

It’s gross.

If you think you’re above others– you’ll experience the lonely at the top phenomenon, but without actually reaching the top of anything.

To succeed, you have to be intensely present with your work and the people you work with.

Otherwise, you daydream most of your life away then wonder why your “smartness” never got you anywhere.

The only cure for EGO is skill. The only ingredient to a good life is AWARENESS.

–FOOL

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I think most of us will go through (and eventually grow out of) our self improvement discovery phase.

You probably have a friend like this now, or maybe you’re this friend— the annoying, always on a new habit, always experimenting with a new way of living, and ALWAYS sharing “the better way to do life” with everyone they know.

I was that friend.

I went through all the habits, but I cringe looking back at it now— because today, I couldn’t believe any of that shit if I wanted to.

It’s not that it doesn’t work, it’s just not necessary….. at all.

Most of us will try these things to unstuck ourselves, but once you do– you should only hang on to the habit(s) that apply to your specific weaknesses.

Taking a cold shower everyday might build discipline but it won’t help you start a business, that sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised.

Yesterday, someone sent me a cute questionnaire.

Talking about strengths, weaknesses, what my passions are, etc.

When you know yourself, you don’t need any of that shit.

It becomes flat, useless, dumb, completely unhelpful.

Because you went deep.

When you go all the way inside of yourself, no one can tell you shit. No test can type you and no mentor can really guide you.

You start to see yourself objectively, and then you alone can parent your inner child.

That’s the most valuable thing I got from failing and pissing away 6ish years of my 20s. Ultimately, I’m glad I did.

Most people don’t know themselves at all.

They can’t see reality and so whatever plans they do make for their lives, fail.

Just writing letters to yourself in a google doc daily, would replace the need for gurus, mentors, personality tests, career guidance, etc.

But most won’t.

I, on the other hand, highly recommend you do.

Prioritize becoming YOU > successful.

The irony is, that’s how you become the ultimate success.

–FOOL

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I’m getting into a long-distance relationship… with myself.

What I’ve learned is, while my gut reactions to certain subjects and events is always the same, my reaction time doesn’t have to be.

Regret is a fast follow up if you act without thinking.

So give yourself more time.

Taking a breath isn’t enough, leave the situation and look at it from the other persons point of view.

Do it actually.

Become them in this moment and see yourself as they do.

You’ll free yourself from that inner child that burns all your bridges and keeps you stuck in grade school.

We all have multiple sides to our personalities, for some it’s more extreme– but its the same task needing completion if you want a better life.

You have to become rational, more than you are.

You have to see what traps you fall for regularly, and figure out what causes them.

Then, rather than pretending them away, your awareness can stop you from being swallowed by your own inner toddler.

If you want to grow up into a better person, you have to take ownership of your kid (life, inner child, strengths, weaknesses, etc.).

–FOOL

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One of the harder and more bizarre things for my childhood self to accept was the concept of destiny.

I didn’t have hippy parents.

I wasn’t taught to believe those things.

But somehow I really believed, religiously.

I believed I was born for a very specific purpose– and that belief was in me for as long as I can remember.

That led to a counterintuitive approach…. I pretty much pissed away time by not experiencing life because it didn’t feel aligned with my purpose (which I still wasn’t sure what it was).

I did this for years– looking back, it’s still the most unimaginable thing to me.

It took anger and action to finally start achieving.

It took letting go of destiny, letting go of the idea that there is something specific, letting go of wanting to know– that’s when I finally started moving forward in my life.

I was angry I let myself be some bystander in my own life. When I acted, despite destiny, purpose, and whatever I thought my calling should be, only then did life start to get magical and I started to realize some of that magic.

My obsession was fulfillment, which translated to value.

How was my life going to contribute to this life?

If you’re in this place and looking to uncover your path I’ve got some advice:

First, forget planning it out. People stay stuck here because they’re planning for things they have no idea about– that never works.

Secondly, most the game will come down to attitude.

It actually starts here.

You have to maintain a spirit of excitement and embracing all challenges before you. YES, it’s hard AF to do this. I know.

But nihilists don’t have a purpose, they traded it to be the emo commentator of life (no slights intended, it coulda been me too).

The point is, you won’t find or create anything from the sidelines.

Before you can know or have an idea of what you’re meant to do– you have to step inside the arena.

Action first, then reflection, then adjust your course.

Move towards the things demanding your attention right now, see where forward leads you.

–FOOL

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Most of us treat our jobs like… jobs.

We show up, turn in what’s acceptable for the machine, leave, then do it again.

I used to think better to submit the crap work your boss wants– because firstly, that’s the standard the company is happy with, but also, now you can keep the genius projects for yourself and make something meaningful outside of work.

Truth is, if you don’t regularly practice genius, you won’t have any left for yourself.

People get stuck in life FOR THIS EXACT REASON.

They work jobs instead of Practicing Skill.

If we treated our role as if we were students, being graded each day, needing to graduate to the next year, we’d learn far more, become far more competent and valuable, and the biggest irony of all? We’d be way more fulfilled.

Just clocking in, leads to a life of clocking out.

If you want a good life, you don’t have to “save yourself” for success. It’s better you don’t since that rarely works.

You don’t have to know your next steps.

You just have to get better, but you can’t do that without an aim.

Pick something small, a goal, something that doesn’t depend on results but actions.

Rather than saying: I want a new job by X, try I’ll make a new resume this weekend. OR “I’ll submit this many apps” etc.

Focus on action and destiny will work itself out.

–FOOL

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I’ve never been hung up on “people.”

Luckily, out of all the problems I do have– my life bucket left out problems with them.

Occasionally, I do get pissed off and kinda dwell on the fact that some of my loved ones have become total idiots– the celebrity housewife kind. Which is sad to me, because they could have been smart.

But this isn’t about that— that doesn’t matter.

You can’t control others.

You can’t want things for them.

You don’t have a say in what people think and do… and shouldn’t want one.

All you can do is perfect your own action.

The sooner you accept and practice this, the lighter your life will be.

If you understand this, you will slide to the stop with grace while others fight and get stuck in the mud.

No one is talking to you.

No one is trying to insult you personally, even when they’re shouting in your face spitting inarticulate and incomplete thoughts and ideas that they’re hoping to find along the way but never do.

People are living in their own world.

Everyone is.

Know this, see how they see the world, borrow their vision in the moment– you don’t have to agree, in fact, better you don’t.

But see it.

And you’ll fly through life, convert haters to followers (without trying), and the only obstacle you’ll have left to conquer is the real one.

Let them get stuck, you’ll slide.

–FOOL

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Life is pretty much nothing like school– raising your hand and asking a stupid question doesn’t get ya points for mental attendance.

In fact, LIFE rewards behavior that got ya into parent teacher conferences and removed from fun Friday’s (not my trauma…).

In this way, success is counterintuitive because it demands bold action– and in your own name.

The things we used to be punished for, become the reasons we *could be* rewarded.

And this is something weird I’ve been noticing in my own life.

Despite how rude, dumb, inconsiderate, and childish I act– I’m climbing.

At first I was confused about it, why is it that I can say and do these things but others get in trouble for exhaling disappointment?

But it’s actually simple.

Besides being good at what I do (which you have to be before you can start having opinions) I’m going all out, and people know it.

EVERYONE wants someone who GOES ALL OUT.

None of us like a deadbeat part timer who half-asserys their entire life.

You want success? Stop treating it like a 9-5 or some school roll call. Find an environment that you feel aligns with what you want to be doing– and unleash your own potential.

Be a main character to live like one.

Your problem is you’re waiting to be discovered– maybe for the right opportunity to find and invite you to a more awesome life…. well, here’s the bad news for ya… no one invites the quiet kids. And it’s not because you’re an introvert, they genuinely didn’t notice you.

Want more than a bleak participation trophy and a part time existence?

You have to go all out.

That looks different for each of us, but a good way to start is by embracing the little things in your life.

Start small.

I hated all meetings at work, so I asked myself, “What would these look like if they were fun?”

I brought the fun.

Somehow meetings turned into opportunities which turned into slam dunk wins.

How would the person you want to be view your situation? PLAY AS THEM.

–FOOL

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I change my mind a lot.

I love something, then don’t.

I’m all in, then out.

I’m hot, then cold.

But there are things I can’t leave– and ironically, those are the things I’d like to.

This is what your path will look like.

It’s not how you imagine.

It’s not sheer joy, love, and ecstasy. Sometimes it could be, but most times it won’t be.

It’s just the thing you.can’t leave.

I’d like to focus on racking in more cash and just having fun, but can’t leave writing. Not even in my free time.

I have to stay the course because I’m now to the point where this, what I do, is who I am.

That’s how you’ll know whether or not you’re on your path. If you can’t leave it, stay.

If you can leave it, it was never the thing, so you should.

–FOOL

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