Tag: #startingover

Most of my life happened in a room.

I tried so many different suits BUT still walked out with nothing other than the clothes I had on walking in.

My room was something that killed me.

It cooked me.

It disguised me.

I ran from the world to my room.

But I found the world in my room.

The place I escaped from and to, became the place I found and faced myself.

You’re in your room right now.

Maybe it’s small, or maybe it’s large.

Either way, you have an opportunity right now– you can rot in your room, and recover from it later– eventually restarting the old (but dead) life you lived.

Or you can change clothes.

Walk out a different person, be different.

…no matter what you choose,

I’ll wait for you outside 🙂

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God, this is as close to prayer as I can get (long form) without sounding like a self absorbed idiot stuck looping. I was wrong.

I was WRONG. I obsessed over everything BUT what was real– how it looked, sounded, what people might think of me, my family, what they might decide.

I didn’t even live.

I was too scared of being judged to live, like a coward, fraud. So it makes sense that my own obsessions carved out my sentence.

My desire became my punishment.

My image became the portrait that trapped me inside.

I effectively made a sick human being. I lived for how I MIGHT LOOK to the world rather than who I could be in it.

I so badly wanted to become my own image— but all the way to now facing the age of 30, I surrender.

I’m leaving it to you. I surrender trying to control how I look, sound, come off, could be. I surrender giving a fuck about my image. I surrender trying to control how and what others see.

From here on, I live inside OUT. No more “editing” appearances. I’m done keeping up with trends. I will follow my own rules, desires, ambitions, and goals. I’m unplugging and moving towards the light— which in this case, is the truth.

What is true about MY LIFE?

I guess I’ll find out.

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Call me a psychopath, but I don’t feel bad lying.

And actually, I never did.

Despite what my naive 2nd grade teacher used to say, lying has more short-term benefits than telling the truth, and nearly always.

If I don’t want to open any can-of-worms with talking mouth in front of me, DUH, It is more advantageous to give whatever response pushes mr conversation prober away.

Which is usually a lie.

That said, lying is what ruined my life, led me to being a depressed failure, OH– and goodie, it’s the reason I chased everyone else’s life but my own because lying divorces you from your own self identity.

But more on that later.

Lying is hiding.

Fuck morals. Fuck the other person.

Who cares about being one of the good guys in a world full of GREY.

All I’m saying is tell the truth to save yourself. Because here’s what happens when you lie.

What is a lie?

Deception. And to deceive means to mirror more than to project, it means to mimic, copy, blend in, HIDE what is true– in order to go undetected or unnoticed, and pass on through.

To lie, means to swallow YOUR TRUTH (yourself) TO make the other bigger, in order to “pass. “

And then wanna know what kind of life this gets you?

Your friends only like your public image, so the second you want to be vulnerable or real- you can’t, because they’ll either reject you or not want to see you this way. Your job has a character too, bare-minimum-man, guess what they do?

But if your friends are fake, your job is fake, your image is fake, when and where do you get to be you?

And that’s what hurts most people and they can’t even see it.

They hate that they’re not the face they wear.

It’s so much better just to tell the fucking truth.

At least then, when someone does see you— They’re really LOOKING at you.

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Hello, 

… 

You. 

This AM I’m drafting my life plans, architecting what my day to day will need to look like to wake up in my ideal tomorrow, and then I thought, might as well share it here, I mean this is what you subscribe for. 

But I want to be genuine, so less performing more thinking. 

If I gave you a blank piece of paper and asked you to write, you’d stare at it for a good while, before finally purging some thoughts down… and why? 

Because it’s TOO OPEN. 

You have too many choices. 

Take that same blank sheet of paper, but now, ADD instructions. 

“Write me a short story about a retarded dog who learns to ride a bike”— Boom. You can immediately launch into the assignment and FINISH it! Unlike before.  

Blank sheets are the enemy of completion. 

So for us to LIVE and actualize our exact dreams, we have to pick one single vehicle (add clear instructions to the assignment) and ride that to the end. 

There’s no such thing as no constraints— only constipated creatives believe that, and they never do anything so who cares what they think.  

Point is, follow your list and do so narrowly. 

Just a thought. 

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I swallowed a stick of dynamite and blew off my head.

For the last few months,

I’ve lived as a body.

And that grew back my head.

Now I see.

You’re too mindful, too thoughtful, too inside your brain.

Return to instincts and your mind will return to you.

It’ll work for you rather than against you.

It’ll be how you remembered it, back when you could trust it.

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I’m sure you’ve heard the two wolves saying,

basically,

Each of us has two wolves inside of us and they’re different from one another– so you have to feed both,

blah, blah, blah.

Well, if you’ve reached the end and gone as far as you can go, it’s time to switch wolves.

LEAD with the other.

We have different energies in us.

You can channel something new,

and you need to, if you’re stuck.

If you normally lead towards detachment, go the other way.

Break your patterns by channeling something new, play a different role.

You’ll find a whole new life—

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My last job was mostly remote, on top of that, it was a creative role.

That meant a lot of internet-ing (following trends, riding new wave ideas, constant research, and being open to insanity).

The internet is a mad world.

Think about it— if the gasoline that fuels its motion is attention, the machine has to constantly find new ways to grab and hold yours.

It does that with drama.

You see all the crazy shit online and start to believe it.

The machines goal is to keep you coming back….

…but if you’re going there, you’re not here….. in real life.

These last few weeks, I’ve been working in person— at a business, and it’s not what the internet advertises.

Here– people disagree,

and can do so without hating each other.

They work together.

They don’t get offended easily.

They’re normal.

There’s no my pronouns, identity, political party, tribe, group, belief, this, that, you, me, conspiracy, narcissism…..

There’s just people.

Being people.

Leave this virtual psych ward and you’ll find life is a lot more beautiful without the filers.

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Not the smile through pain type?

Maybe you ought to be.

We piss away our lives waiting for the things we enjoy, but that only trains you to hold back— and keep holding back.

Til you reach the end, full of wasted potential.

Instead,

Give it your all.

Practice EMBRACING everything.

We should all have one goal— to leave nothing in the tank.

Give your life to your life and you’ll live more in every moment than most people do for 80 years.

Look at where you are right now, look.

Ask yourself, since I’m here:

What is this trying to teach me?

-Fool

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In the span of two weeks, I became a different person.

It was always in me,

but it used to be out of reach.

To become what you are, you have to COOK in your own fire.

You have to shut off the world and listen.

Listen for instruction,

Listen inside,

Listen and you’ll see where to go.

Then

Obey it.

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Stress, anxiety, and living under a constant state of uneasiness, these symptoms don’t come from your self-diagnosed neurotic personality.

They come from focusing on the outcome:

performing.

You DO need to perform in life, but the irony is, when you focus on performing rather than participating, you usually don’t do so well.

Think of role playing in sales jobs.

With clients you know what to say and never stutter, but as soon as you get in front of a group— you go full deer in headlights and are rendered speechless.

It’s no different in life.

If you want to do well, focus on DOING the thing, not how the thing will play out.

Focus on the activity and let go of the outcome.

Participate.

-Fool

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You know what you’re good and bad at,

but is that because you tried it all already or because you decided?

We limit ourselves BUT not because of beliefs,

but decision.

You made up your mind about yourself.

You wrote yourself off– what is and isn’t for you,

what you like and hate,

where you do well and where you don’t.

But what if

You’re wrong?

What if this whole time you’ve been missing the invitation to live your life?

Forget what you know.

Be open.

See what this human you call yourself is capable of,

do something different.

-Fool

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Don’t run,

Go.

Move into action.

Escaping and running away, retreating to the security of your own, safe world, will kill you– and slowly.

This constant need to search for and prioritize security, to become sedated in it, is your biggest obstacle and character flaw.

You don’t need more solitude,

You don’t need more self punishment.

You need surrender,

Trust.

Allow what could happen to happen.

And be there when it does.

-Fool

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I’ve always put it off,

wanting to go all in on my strengths

To not face my weaknesses.

But somehow they resurface, because the truth is,

THIS is why you’re here.

You won’t get to the other side— where you HOPE to go,

UNLESS you fight your war.

You’re not up against what you’re afraid of.

It’s not people, circumstances, obstacles, none of that is what you fear.

It’s your GUARD.

YOU vs YOUR GUARD.

The voice that tells you to run, hide, quit, give up, RETREAT.

And you listen— and keep listening….

That’s why you’re here.

You HAVE TO Turn around,

Fight.

Learn to breath calmly under fire, and you’ll find that your guard is

ALL BARK

No BITE.

-Fool

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Hey Transformer,

For the next year I’m going to focus on one thing—

Pushing my limits.

I’m inviting you to do the same.

If you can let go of your worries, wants, and needs– only for this next year, and spend your focus on transforming yourself, the life you wish for will grant itself.

Here’s how it works:

Pick your insecurity, struggle, or chink in the armor, AND DRILL IT.

Attack it.

Move directly towards what you suck at, and BUILD THAT.

This momentum will propel you to an entirely different world, one you used to wish for.

-Fool

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There’s just one downside to time travel,

You’re still your future age, only now, you get to play that level with the skills you got from tomorrow.

No one else will notice you’re older,

so keep it secret.

Oh,

and you can only go back,

because forward is outside of your control.

So once you choose your desired year to re-do,

you’ll have to live from then on, in that reality.

So choose wisely.

Now, before you wake to that time,

here’s how to choose the year:

Think back to a pivotal decision, the ONE that changed the course of your life.

If you could revise it,

It would likely lead to a completely different life.

You might have hit your goals sooner, been more fulfilled, have the things you chased in the wrong directions.

It could have been a move to a different country, or state, or leaving school, or starting school, it’s different for each of us—

But you’ll know it because the mind holds onto these things.

Once you have it,

the year— the decision, the choice you want to do over,

Be clear on what you would have done differently.

Would you have stayed instead of left, worked instead of traveled, traveled instead of climbing the corporate ladder?

Decide.

Now,

Step into that, in the present.

Seriously.

I know, but you’re older, life moved on, things changed— it doesn’t matter.

Take that mindset and PICKUP from that year— mentally, spiritually, physically.

The lessons you’d have given to that you, LIVE them now. Live them today, and you’ll find the course of your life start to change.

Because you can’t change one thing, without changing it all.

Live your past advice, today.

–Fool

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You know what’s funny to me?

I spent 10 years looking for answers, systems, advice, expertise….

I spent all that time looking for the “why” to my life,

and you wanna know where I found it?

Here.

Through my own posts.

This content ended up being truer for me than anyone else,

and had I followed my own advice,

I would have gotten to my answer a lot sooner.

Record your life.

Journal, video it, do it however is comfortable for you.

You don’t have to share it.

But you’ll find all the answers you’ll ever need in there.

-Fool

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Why don’t you like your life?

Well, it starts with those contact lenses.

Not the eye sight improvers, but the contact you make with the world through the lens you view it.

Our VIEW of the world is what creates the world we live in.

Let’s say you follow an entrepreneur you really admire, and they’re helping you improve, working out more, reading more, starting a biz, etc.

Since you’ve seen results following this person, you’re likely to take on their beliefs and attitudes about the world.

But their view of the world is, “people are out to get you”

The life they live will reflect this to them.

And they’ll reflect it back to you.

They’ll make this true, and you, without noticing, will adopt the same position and enter the same world– their world.

Your approach to life creates the dyamic that life returns to you.

If “people are bad”, you’ll prove it.

If they’re good, you’ll prove it.

You get what you put out.

Don’t like your genre? Change it by showing up different.

-Fool

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I know, I know.

I promised to call, but I was on the other line,

and here’s what Alice told me:

When we desire things, we’re tempted to chase them directly… but that’s the quickest way to never catch them.

Chasing creates more chasing

and rarely leads to catching.

When you chase a rabbit, you end up following paths not your own, and before you know it– years go by and you forgot what you were after & why you’re running.

Rather than chase, you must become.

Be where you are, Be what you are.

Everyone chases and that’s why few catch.

If you ignored all the running rabbits and instead dug holes,

eventually you’d find a rabbit in one of them.

This is your life,

Be in it.

Happy living.

-Fool

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