Tag: self development

Human beings are all too good at rationalizing, and as we get older– we become even better at it.

This doesn’t make us any more rational, just explaining machines.

The problem with it is we don’t always know why we’re doing the things we do, and we often get caught in our own mind loops– doing this, to get that, to then go here….

….we get stuck chasing/doing things we never really wanted.

When true fulfillment and success come from a different attitude, and it isn’t one of explaining. It’s asking questions, because you’re genuinely curious.

Being a learner is fulfilling. Dedicating yourself to a craft, subject, or field– because you genuinely enjoy it is worth everything.

The human mind thrives on this, and yet most of us shy away from this type of commitment, myself included.

Ironic.

You’re putting off living in hopes of something one day intervening and bringing life into your life… it doesn’t work like that.

You have to bring the fun to everything you do, and with such a fluid approach, you’ll be able to pivot through different interests until you settle on one or few.

To be curious, you’ll have to go back to your childlike approach– where you actually gave a shit to even ask the question. The problem is, when we hit 30 (some even sooner), we default to the attitude of “knowing what we need to.”

It’s a miserable existence to have to be right, to take life seriously, to not play.

There is no wisdom or coolness behind that approach, it’s just a pathetic way of hiding deeply seated fears and insecurities.

That’s coming from the once “cool and aloof” kid.

You’re looking for “that thing” –we all are. A book won’t point you there, a mentor can’t advise you, this is only found through exploration.

Something we were all born to do, but haven’t been conditioned to practice.

Want to fight old age, live longer, happier and healthier, while enjoying every bit of life? Let’s return to our roots, quit trying to be right and be curious.

#play

Oftentimes, it’s the overused “timeless” phrases that actually hold the answers you’re looking for.

Unfortunately we’re so familiar with them, that we don’t really consider it– at least not on any meaningful level.

Know Thyself.

We’ve all heard the expression– and when you tell someone this, they immediately nod back and flash a peace sign, “wurd.”

The vast majority seem to think they’re born knowing themselves. They never question why they do what they do, or why they believe the things they do, but somehow– they’re experts in the field of their wiring??

I think people live shit lives because they DON’T know themselves, and they’re too willfully ignorant to uncover more.

Knowing yourself is a developed skill, not a born trait. It takes time, it’s hard, and it should be uncomfortable.

….in truth, you probably suck. Sure, there are things that are awesome too, but all of us suck to some degree.

Everyone wants to be special in their own story.

I guess growth is when you lose that need to maintain your own delusion. Today, I see myself as far less “chosen” and far more just here figuring it out and that doesn’t hurt me.

I’m free of myself, because I know myself. I spent my entire life not knowing– so I chased random ideas, businesses, paths, none of which fit me or my character.

But thanks to my relentless pursuit for truth, I found myself in the end. That led to a life that suited me, and as I continue to strengthen my relationship with who I am, my life continues to improve in every way.

If you want to keep losing at the game of life, then continue taking yourself seriously. Before you can ever succeed, you need the right attitude… which most people can’t even get to this step.

Being afraid to introspect, not being able to laugh at yourself, that’s a super shitty life. When you can accept everything about you– the good and the bad, then you can start to fully live.

Until then, you insecurely chafe against the world and put yourself in depressive experiences because you think it all means more than it does.

Sit for a second, imagine you’ll lose everyone you love… what if you got that call today? Was acting all serious and stuck up worth it?

Did it matter in the end?

We’re all dying and nothing clears the mind like death.

If you want to succeed, which I define as living life in a fulfilling way unique to you, you need to get real…. get real and let go.

#FoolAround

The other day I found myself thinking new for the first time.

No anger, no emotional turmoil, no delusional dreaming— just pure acceptance for everything in my life.

This is different for me, very different.

I used to be someone who wanted to change everything, and all the time. I’d drive myself miserable seeing the worst in people, comparing myself to others, and constantly wishing to be something else.

But lately, I haven’t been thinking like that.

For someone who has always been emotionally intense, yesterday I felt strength for the first time.

The storm came like it always does, but this time it did not move me.

All those years of experimenting, of constantly learning and trying to be more, failing and starting over– none were wasted. It compounded, and that’s what I wanted to pass onto you.

Don’t ever stop. Even if it looks like nothing is helping you, it will in the long run.

Back then, I wondered how I’d use all the useless shit I learned. I read, I practiced new disciplines, but still I’d fall back into my own weak-habits. The difference for me was I never stopped. I never wrote myself off– despite how much I failed, I just kept moving.

One day you’ll see it.

Everything you’re doing will all of a sudden compound, and you’ll be far better for it. You’ll be stronger, composed, wiser, and more fulfilled.

It’s not like I have everything figured out all of a sudden, but this feeling, where I am right now, is worth everything to me.

This isn’t temporary happiness, this isn’t circumstantial.

This is character.

Compounded from trial and failure.

For the first time, I’ve let go of my own prison. All the things that used to have a hold on me– don’t.

Through understanding, we end suffering.

I didn’t until now.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, continue no matter what. Push forward, and endure.

You’ll eventually meet your own potential.

#AlwaysForward

Occasionally I’ll still have days where I relapse into my old mindset– that internal voice that assures me I’m better than my responsibilities.

It took me learning one major lesson to finally understand this, I was never going to find freedom.

What I really wanted was freedom from myself and that comes from surrender, total submission to the path itself.

The more you chase freedom (new experiences, relationships, places, careers, etc.) the less you’ll have it. All chasing does is open more doors, and that’s the irony. Those that constantly start anew, never reach it.

Submitting to a practice, being totally engaged in all before you– this is what frees you. When I stopped chasing ideas, I started building my own life and as a result, became more free.

Free of delusion.

It’s not enough to focus on goals, you’ve got to create a different dynamic with your own life. This is as much of an attitude and approach as it is a philosophy. Just yesterday, when I was feeling complain-y because I was randomly assigned a bunch of shit I didn’t want to do, I stopped and reframed.

If I’ve got to do this, I’m going all out.

I bring the play. It doesn’t come to you.

You’re an amateur at the game of life if fun is selective. You bring the fun. This has been a huge game changer for me.

There’s a bunch of things I don’t want to do, but since I’ve got to– might as well go all the way out and embrace it.

LEAN IN.

Freedom is a mindset, an attitude, and an approach– NOT a destination.

If you want to be free, let go.

It was always right in front of you.

#StayIntheNow

Hey Fool.

By nature, I’m not a reader.

Sitting alone with nothing but a book to delight me isn’t something I ever wanted to do. But as I got older, I gradually discovered the non-fiction section of the book store.

Suddenly, those once-worthless-paperbacks were now seen as human brain upgrades– the ultimate tool for me to get ahead and strengthen my weaknesses.

Now, I could “hack” my way to success.

And with this seed planted, I became a “reader.” I went through every imaginable self help book, when it comes to approach and niche– none were off limits. It didn’t matter to me if the strategies were proven scientifically– or if they were total spiritual gobbledygook. All I cared about was could I use this immediately to advance towards my goals?

Enter the apprentice phase.

This part of my life is interesting. For years, all I did was consume. Non-stop content on what you should do, how you should think, disciplines to practice, habits to hold, etc.

Reading led to more reading.

It felt like I couldn’t get the information as quickly as needed. But then years passed, and I made very little improvements…. worst of all, I felt disconnected.

YOU DISCOVER YOUR PATH.

There is no book, course, mentor, or whatever that can recommend how to move forward. You need to do it blindly, that’s part of the game and whatever happens, happens.

We’re meant to do it for the first time, to do it on our own. And really, I mean think about– how can someone who isn’t you tell you to live your life?

It doesn’t make sense.

If you can read and apply systems loosely, then it’s worth it. But if you’re struggling like I did with the distance part, and end up intensely worshipping all of it– drop the book.

You can’t read your way there, you need understanding.

Reflecting through journaling will yield more results than just reading one book to the next.

Authenticity is the key to success, which means figuring out yourself and nature and then applying it appropriately.

Input does equal output, so careful what you consume.

#Fool

Hey Fool.

It’s no easy task to live fully, at the same time I liken it to falling asleep– more effort, equates to more difficulty.

The other day I wrote about identity and how carefully crafting yours based on reality will help you achieve fulfillment.

But today the thing most on my mind is playing with the toys you have.

To quote Captain Jack Sparrow, “The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.

Why do we lose our sense of play? Why do we take ourselves so seriously?

Have you ever noticed how much easier life is when we roll with it? When we’re in a state of play our stiffness is replaced with fluidity, and most of our problems slide rather than stick.

I think it’s a quote from Alan Watts that went something like, “We suffer because we take serious what the Gods made for fun.”

It’s funny. I won’t speak for you, but I think a lot of us somehow got the idea that the ironic and cynical attitude is cool. The cold and aloof person– they somehow possess intelligence and power, when in fact it’s the opposite.

Optimism takes strength, especially today.

It’s easy to be cynical. It’s easy to be a pessimist. It takes ZERO effort and ZERO courage. In a way, it’s a result of having given up on life itself.

The hardest thing in the world is to stay positive surrounded by cheap default negativity. This is what I’ve decided to make my way.

My way and my approach to life will be a willful optimism. I’m naturally skeptical and harsh by nature, I can’t pretend that away.

But I’ll choose to shift my perspective.

Willpower is necessary to start, and I’ll use all of mine to live a fulfilling life.

Wherever you are– play.

The greatest determining factor of what kind of life you’ll live and what you’ll achieve is identity.

A lot of us misinterpret what this actually means.

I mean, we are who we are and we are how we are, so what is there to do? While it’s true that your personality is set, your identity is different.

Identity is made up of values, beliefs, and personality. While you can’t change the last, the first two are very much upgrade-able.

My conflict has always been this– I want to be who I truly am underneath, but I also want to be better than I am. How can you be more and be the same?

Well, I think I’ve got it.

Your nature is unchangeable. I’ve tried everything in the book, all the lessons from all the masters, and can tell you it’s pointless and depressing to attempt to pretend away your core.

It doesn’t work and serves to make you delusional and even worse, disconnected.

The way to evolve is to take that unique core, figure it out as much as possible, study yourself like a scientist and then find areas in life to better channel it.

If I naturally have a highly charged emotional nature, the flip side of that coin might be a creative mind– choose a skill that can better channel this and to ensure you dominate the skill and stay the course start saying I AM THE PERSON WHO…. (fill in the blank).

(Why dominate the skill? Because it takes total commitment to the path for you to fully evolve. I wish it didn’t… but it does).

The catch here, you have to choose something you care about, something you actually want to learn and have an interest in, and once chosen that little I AM statement will ensure you re-configure your identity to constantly embrace that task.

Here are some examples of things I’m learning that I use I AM statements to better build myself and ensure I keep the focus on learning:

I AM A MARTIAL ARTIST.

I AM A WRITER /DIRECTOR.

I AM A STUDENT OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.

What is the point of doing this? It might seem affirmational, quirky, or law of attraction-y but it isn’t.

This is psychology.

For whatever reason, each of us is bound by social contracts– even to ourselves. The brain upgrades software through consistency, knowing this feature, you can leverage it to your advantage.

So, you should be who you truly are.

That’s what destiny is.

It’s you uncovering what you are to the core, what makes you unique and living that out– AT THE SAME TIME, when you know your uniqueness intimately, you can better channel it to build yourself into something more.

Enjoy re-discovering yourself.

Play, in truth this entire process should be nothing more than play, which is brought about by genuine curiosity.

#PlayFoolish

Hey Fool.

Is there anything *supposedly* good for you, that makes you feel like shit? If that thing is remotely related to your genetic blind spots, don’t attack it directly.

For most people, having purpose and direction is incredibly important. It’s uplifting and provides a greater resilience…. but for me, who has craved an all consuming reason for existence since my inception, it’s a blackhole.

Blackholes are the areas of our lives that we want more than anything, where we’re delusional, unreasonable, childlike… for whatever reason, we’re always drawn to this area but reality is distorted here.

Everyone has their own blackholes.

Moving towards them directly never leads to any good– you’ll get sucked in and spit out. A lot of us won’t ever learn, we just keep repeating the cycle (think the person who wants to be a singer, but can’t hear how awful they sound– and pursue it forever).

Anytime I’ve chased my delusional dreams– fantasies, the thing I think I want for no apparent reason, my life becomes complete chaos. I lose my progress, stability, and end up having to start over.

The result of you believing in your magic, in these fantasies, is being stuck in a spiral of never getting ahead.

Ruthless practicality is the only way to become a better astronaut.

Once you’re more skilled, then maybe you can see the blackhole for what it is and possibly navigate it, if that’s still the goal.

But all of us share the same first step– we have to see our blindspots and then get better of them.

I suffered from imagination (and still do) and always will. That sounds spiritual, but what it looks like is my mind constantly craving the world, achievement on the biggest stage, accolades and success, and my life to have ZERO dull or boring moments…. is that really a lot to ask for?

What I came to realize is my mind is wrong in this area. When it comes to career and purpose, I don’t trust it. This is how I got ahead.

Knowing that reality is distorted for me here, I instead went practical. I considered my skills, my temperament and natural inclinations, and started there.

That’s how I began a new career, got financially ahead, and started building a life I enjoy.

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t resemble the craving blackhole at all. But who cares, now I have a life.

Waiting for those fantasies robs you.

FUCK desire. What can you build?

Stop wanting. Start small.

#FoolForward