Tag: #startingover

If I could travel back in time and talk to dumbass me, I’d tell that idiot to stop looking for passion– because even if that concept is legit, it doesn’t apply to you.

“It aint that deep” would be the perfect title of my book.

I always thought my dreams and goals had to be something bigger than me, something I loved more than my own existence, something I could lose myself to.

As it turned out—- no.

Not even close.

In fact, the answer for me was very simple.

Work– in marketing as a writer, level up from there.

A piece of advice for you lost souls– if you “have” to find the right next step, you never will. Forcing action retards the mind and dulls the experience.

What you need is to fucking breathe, relax, and with a detached and objective mind, ask yourself where could I take my experiences next?

The work you can have fun doing is the answer.

Not the work you love more than yourself (might not even exist).

Not the work you feel called to do.

Not the work that doesn’t feel like work.

Just work on shit you can do, now, where you are.

Ta-da.

Life time mystery solved.

–FOOL

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You’ll never stop craving your vices, but when you have a solid plan– and a solid reason behind it, at least you won’t go off the rails and throw away that semi-functioning diet.

Thinking big is easy, working small is hard.

When you see time passing by and get that sinking feeling in your gut that everything is out of control and you have no idea what you’re doing with your life– it’s hard to lean into the present.

No one wants to think about today when they’re hoping for a better tomorrow.

But that’s the trap.

Thinking about and living in tomorrow is a guaranteed way to piss the present away (woah, poetic).

Point is, you need a plan.

You don’t need to know what you want to do, you need to know what you can do.

What’s acceptable for your life?

What makes a decent living?

Start there.

You need to make a choice, one that’s based on what you’re like not what you’d like.

What do you already know to do? Who could use this right now? Go there, and start.

–FOOL

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If being practical is harder for you than others, stay away from motivation and use negativity instead.

For myself, each time I pick and chase dreams based on “an ideal life” …I fail miserably.

And theres a reason for that, that isn’t magical or deep. I’m a big dreamer by nature, so if my instruction is to aim for the stars– I shoot past them.

I end up pursuing things that’d be fun to have not fun to do and that’s a big reason most people never achieve anything.

All the progress in my life came from the opposite of dreaming, it came from negative visualization (or alpha fears).

These are fears you have that are productive to think about because they keep you from making bad decisions.

My biggest alpha fear is being someone who doesn’t build and just has ideas– I’ve met people like that, similar personalities to my own, just significantly older…. and it’s cringy, on top of the fact that they aren’t successful, happy, or fulfilled.

Because that could easily be me, it scares me into instantly regaining focus.

You need the same.

Forget your dreams and use alpha fears to make life decisions.

What’s the scariest thing for you? Go deeper than failure, really think about it.

As for the backwards law part of the title, the harder you try the more miserable you become. Most of this game is about maintaining attitude, so do the things you’re doing in a relaxed state.

You may not want to and you may not feel like it, but manic energy will ruin you.

Relax and flow.

–FOOL

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I spit in the face of life, a lot.

Growing up, I’d say no to anything that wasn’t my own idea, want, wish, or interest.

Most the time I still think that’s the right way to live.

But adding in the occasional new experience does benefit your life, even the ones you don’t care to have.

I’m in an interesting spot right now.

I want to dump this intensity and focus into earning more money, bagging the toys I like, and stacking experiences.

At the same time, I prefer to do this with people I like.

I want to focus on making money so I can use it to make a life, but it isn’t the writing alone that’s made my life what it is. It’s working with certain people, making art.

One party made me realize that’s really all I want.

To make my own art and get paid for it.

This isn’t a useful blog– but it’s 6:30 in the morning and that party ended at 2.

Anyways, my point is don’t discount the spiritual value of your work. If something is play for you, you need to do it.

Play is the spice of life.

–FOOL

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It’s bizarre how years fly by– everyone says that but we don’t do anything about it.

I want some kind of (good) life insurance, that even if I hate everything I’m doing for the next 5-10 years, at least the time passing by is working FOR me and not against.

The only way to make time an asset and an ally is to build something that compounds.

You need your own project.

Whether that’s starting a youtube channel, writing a blog, practicing some skill, taking on new opportunities each weekend til something pops— movement is key.

The only rule is this: DONT let life pass by without you having something that grows while you sleep.

I know the bare minimum requirements for my life: How much money I need to make, what I’d be doing for a living, and how I live.

This went into my decision making for picking the right project.

I’m impatient.

But a project within my control, that I know will turn into something (not because I hope it does, but because I’m always chipping away and improving) brings me a ton of peace.

It’s easier to build when you know the thing you’re working on will help you in the future.

So, find something to easy, that you can start right now–right where you are, and begin.

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

–FOOL

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When you start becoming known for something among your people, you want to embody those characteristics even more.

People who fall in love with you are dangerous, for you.

I don’t mean romantically, friendships too.

When people start idolizing you, they project their fantasies onto you, they write off and explain away your weaknesses, they make you into something far more than you are, and worse of all– you’ll want to believe it.

If they catch you early enough in your becoming-who-you-are process, you will believe it.

I want to share exactly why this is a garbage way to live, but to do that– I need to give you specifics.

So let’s look at my life.

In my social group– these people have already made up their mind about me. Not just who I am today, they’ve decided they “know” who I always was. They think I’ve never been shy, always been full of myself, they think I’m smarter than most people and that people aren’t as “special” as I am.

They love who they think I am.

No matter what I say or do, this is the character they want to see– because it’s the mirror image they aspire for themselves.

Of course, I know the actual truth– being that, I too was once a lost melancholic depresso loser who couldn’t conquer basic responsibilities til his mid-to late 20s. I know this…. but they couldn’t comprehend it (despite me telling them).

THEY love me as a fantasy, as an escape.

Here is why this all matters for you.

People will always project onto you, good and bad traits, neither matter. You have to be resistant AF and reject all of it.

The only way to live an enjoyable life is to connect with your life, authentically.

The biggest danger is you start believing others surface definitions and the second you do— it’s a race to hitting rock bottom.

They’re bad for your ego. They’re bad for your soul.

Get rid of worshippers.

My close friends know I’m a dumbass. They know my flaws, weaknesses, strengths, principles, they know me as human.

If you can’t be a soul around another soul, what you have isn’t a real relationship. The point is this, whether negative or positive, only you should fill your own cup.

Decide what you stand for, and don’t let others define you.

Thinking you’re better than others leads to a pathetic and lonely life. Everyone has something, good and bad. Unique and common.

Join humanity, reject superiority.

This is how you live a well lived life.

–FOOL

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The most fulfilling experience you’ll ever have in your life is enjoying who you are.

Uncovering your uniqueness and practicing it, displaying it, not being afraid to present it– and fuck it if they judge— deciding not to care what anyone thinks, this is the greatest feeling one can have. But most people don’t have it…

The masses may not reward authenticity but the universe does.

When you stop worrying about others and focus on uncovering your own interests and quirks, you start to advance.

Everyone knows this, but they pick and choose where they apply it.

Take these alpha male and female gurus, they convince tons of people how to walk, talk, and act.

They teach the surface of success, not that those principles aren’t entirely true, but most of their followers end up looking the same…. which, how is copying alpha?

Here’s the ONLY way to live the movie you were born for:

FUCK WITH YOUR SHIT > anyone else’s.

If you’re gonna become anything, you need to be inner directed.

If you’re a certain way, then thats what you are. Fuck with it. Explore it, play with it. You can shape who you are– take the best of you and move forward with it.

But stop looking at others.

Everyone is nothing special.

Everyone is unique.

There, now you can go do your thing.

–FOOL

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You kickin’ the Donnie Darko thoughts?

Pretending not to see a giant prophesying rabbit isn’t going to make it all disappear— and honestly, the darkness brings you to light.

I did the meditating.

I did the law of attracting.

That stuff is bullshit because it asks you to surrender to the shittiness of life. I can accept that life has its up and downs, but I’m not smiling when you smear shit in my face.

You know what I hate most about the positive smily face thinking movements?

They make you delusional.

In reality, your dreams probably aren’t for you– THAT’S what makes them dreams. The things you can do on your own (THAT HAVE WORKED) are for you.

Look, would I love to be an a-list awesome possum super star? Sure, who wouldn’t. But I don’t waste time thinking about how I’d love that anymore.

My life got better when I started using negative visualization.

Sit there and imagine all the ways your dreams could go wrong? Look at all the wasted time in your past, all the shitty moments, and use that to get practical.

I did the LA film director thing– it fucking sucked.

That keeps me in the moment here, present with writing, and evolving. And you know what?

I’m more of a star here, right now, than I ever was shooting for space.

–FOOL

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A new career, better sense of self, fulfillment, or just some direction to take your life?

There’s no shortage of reasons for why people get into self improvement, but why do some stay, leave, excel, and fail?

No one’s reading the “I’m a special being” books for fun, let’s clear that up. Everyone in this group is broken somehow— I can say that, read all the books to back it.

You’re not looking to get better, you’re looking for you.

Here’s where it goes too far: You dive in, practice the habits, cold shower, fast, cut off loser friends, read an hour a day, workout, watch motivational videos, eat clean, then repeat.

Like a robot, you never miss this routine.

A year later, you’re shredded AF, look and feel amazing, maybe even have a better career— but… you still feel like shit.

Why?

The point wasn’t to stack up all those habits, the point was to figure out which ones were for you. That’s where most of us miss.

This movement turned into copy cat-ing your way into success. Monkey see, monkey do.

BUT the answer you were looking for is your own values, not theirs. YOUR VALUES might involve taking cold showers everyday, but most likely that ain’t doing shit for advancing your mental, spiritual, and financial life.

It’s simple.

When we embody our own values, we’re fulfilled, happier, more creative, and feel good. When we don’t— we’re joining self improvement groups, watching niche end of the world videos (and how to prepare), and disconnected from those around us.

Forget the books. It’s a good addition, but not the main focus.

Make a list of all the times you felt fulfilled.

Make a list of times you were irrationally angry for no reason– unpack this, is there a pattern, how often does it happen?

Your values are on the other side of these observations.

Once you have them, live them.

It’s that easy.

Do this and you can finally graduate from barnes and noble’s “fix my life” section.

–FOOL

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You’re right…

You’re not good enough, not as you are.

You’re moody, temperamental, unstable, reckless, and burn down more bridges than you cross.

Accepting that is important, but deciding to only see that– would create a person who regularly embodies those very traits.

This is your game.

Know your weaknesses, know your strengths.

AND really know them.

Why do you quit? What makes you withdraw? Who are you at your best? What’s the gap between best and worst you?

If you get to know all of this intimately well, you can fuse those traits together and embody something completely new and unique— it’s not artsy either.

You have to do this to succeed.

Your version took you as far as it’s going to.

Take your ingredients, but make a new recipe. Be something entirely new. Success will follow.

–FOOL

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It doesn’t take long after meeting me to know I love studying human nature.

Couldn’t tell ya why, I just think it’s cool af.

One of the things I’ve come to understand in the last 5 years of studying all the things that make us who we are is— we’re really only here for one reason: to experience ourselves play out life.

We’re all characters, our genres are something we’re born to, and how the movie plays out, the ending, the experiences, that’s all tied to the script we decide to write.

Oftentimes, we try to change things out of our control and then assume change is completely useless… when we didn’t aim at the right thing.

This is why it’s so important to follow yourself.

You rob your own story, your own journey, listening and following the advice of others. It’s not because they’re wrong, they could even be right, the point is it has to be you.

You have to move freely to experience what you could become.

So, where do you want to go?

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This post is selfish.

I wanna write something to myself and for myself, and rather than writing a secret journal than coming here to post the bullshit bits and pieces, I’m gonna go straight into it.

I have a storm– but not the kind your rebellious teenager has.

I have this thing where my mind pivots hard, colors everything darker, does it so fast in the middle of the most random time, where all of a sudden I’m then compelled to throw away all my progress.

This is not new for me, I’ve lived with this and like this since I’ve been me— it’s the same old, same me.

The heartbreaking part is I always thought certain elements would wipe it away, such as having success.

Not only has that been proven wrong, but fuck success, NOT EVEN passion stops your storms. It turns out, theres absolutely nothing that turns it off.

Working out helps. Being active helps. Writing helps. Meditating helps.

Everything helps, but nothing fixes.

If I’m tired, it’s worse.

If I’m exhausted, it takes over.

Makes me shitty to be around and makes me shitty.

I know better than to make decisions during this weather but can’t help considering those options– it is a very persuasive voice.

Sometimes it feels like I’m two different people. There’s the me everyone loves, including myself. Then there’s whatever I’m left with….whatever this is.

I’ve introspected, reflected, read, and done all the research I can for figuring out how to use it, to live and work with it, and here’s what I’ve learned.

This part of you is more real than anything else.

This is your watcher– it’s who decides your values, who judges you and others, who determines what you’ll do next. Separating yourself from this is ineffective, and makes the relationship more violent.

The only thing to do is work with this voice.

So, then: What does it want?

What do you want?

To surface.

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I know, what a title.

So, let’s dive into it then.

The law of attraction DOES work.

If you entertain something enough, you’ll take action and not only that— there are doors that randomly open in very odd ways the more you focus on something.

That said, if this entire journey (your life) is about who you become, why would you want to be genie summoner?

Do you want to be wokey or skilled?

No, it’s not binary and you can be both– but know thyself. Both doesn’t work for all.

The way I choose my restraints, and restraints are important, they’re like braces for your life, to fix some of those independent teeth that insist on protruding away from the rest of your mouth. Point is, I choose restraints ONLY around personal weaknesses.

If I’m naturally imaginative and delusional, I ain’t touching the laws of wish granting. Instead, I’m moving towards mindset, attitude, and practical shit.

If you’re overly practical, then pick up a book on how to dream.

But the only way to advance is to defeat your dragon, and you have to know what it is you keep losing to first.

For me, it’s dreams.

Choose your disciplines accordingly.

You don’t need to listen to all the experts, just find the one speaking directly to you.

-FOOL

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Not my title btw.

Started reading this book and wanted to share some immediate takeaways for you Fools on the “trying to make something of myself” journey.

The author recommends doing something called morning pages.

Every morning, you’d write 3 pages, everyday, and dump literally anything that comes to mind on there.

“I just woke up and don’t feel like doing this” counts.

You can write anything, the point is just to write.

What this does is improve your clarity and focus throughout the day but it also acts as a meditative practice, and helps you become more whole, more yourself.

For the month of November, let’s do a challenge.

For all of November, just one month, remove your weaknesses and replace them with a better habit. Instead of watching tv, read. Instead of drinking, drive (joking).

Point is, for this upcoming month, let’s get disciplined.

–FOOL

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Hi Fool.

What a weird week so far, weird because the people who I know but don’t know each other are all feeling the same– tiny bit depressed.

It’s not the clinical kind either, more the funk that follows realizing you wanted more from life and this ain’t it.

Me on the other hand? I feel excellent, and the reason for them not but me yes is this: I have measurable steps that provide me with progress and they don’t.

In english– they’re floating because they don’t have a daily action that’s aligned with their goals.

What they don’t tell you is progress is not enough, you need to receive short terms wins from your progress, otherwise you won’t feel it and you’ll eventually quit.

I’ve come to realize something so important it’s literally eased all my pain and sharpened my focus: Your life, this one, it’s right here–in front of you.

STOP waiting for conditions to be met.

Instead assume they never will.

STOP thinking of best case situations and dreams you may like to live, instead make something. If you’re not a maker, do something.

But the dream life doesn’t happen through day-dreaming.

Only through waking.

So, you’re here, you don’t want to be but you are. Fuck it. What could you do right here right now that’d make this ride more enjoyable?

What could you learn?

Try that.

–FOOL

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It’s no accident the e-learning space is worth billions of dollars, we’re a lost people.

The irony of it all is the more we consume that content, the farther away we move from the thing we’re looking to start.

Why?

Because following their advice requires you to leave yours.

We all need to develop and constantly practice the habit of following our own interests and the only way to do that is to stop listening to others and pay attention to yourself.

What are you watching? What would your google search history say about you?

If we put you in a room with no internet for ONE month, and gave you a bunch of tools to play with, you’d play with what you’re drawn to.

It’s the same with career, spirituality, and relationships.

Play with your interests.

To do that, cover your ears then walk.

–FOOL

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If you pay closer attention, you’ll find you already have the answers you’re looking for. I think “learning” from others can be dangerous if you start considering following them and their path.

Doing this makes you abandon yours.

Some will tell you to pursue interests, others preach passion, some say just pick a skill, but the one you choose should be what YOU’D choose– by yourself, without the input of others.

I thought passion was what I wanted, then I found the only thing that could be my passion—and now, it’s just like everything else, meh.

That might not be true for you, but for me, interests win over passion.

Can you stick to what you picked for 10 years?

If your goal is success– that answer needs to be yes. IF your goal is a passionate life, also needs to be yes.

Most of us don’t stick to anything long enough to get the deep pleasure that comes from mastery.

When in truth, you’re not looking for God, spirituality, impact, or purpose.

You’re looking for commitment.

We all want that, because that’s how a human being transforms. Think about parents– they’re committed to new life, that they serve above themselves, and that FREES them from themselves.

Whether its career or a calling, we all crave losing ourselves to something more than us– and THAT is the answer.

But it’s a choice not a destiny you manifest.

Stop thinking about the path and you’ll find it.

When I kept imagining my career- I somehow imagined all things that DIDNT suit me. Only when I got practical, considering what I’m like and could learn and do, then I got ahead.

Do the same.

Unplug from the internet, and just DO.

Whatever you think to do will be where you need to go, if you can do it.

–FOOL

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Fools, did you know theres a direct relationship between thinking about yourself and misery?The more a person thinks about themselves, the more miserable they are.

That explains why overly-stressed first time parents are still happier than 20-something old bored douchebags (so I hear ;).

This brings me to my next point.

Word choice is VERY important— and I don’t think you’re looking for happiness or fulfillment. I know, I know, BUT “how can you know imaginary friend?”

Because looking for those things is like when you open the fridge because you’re in the kitchen— if you find something you might eat, but you’re not particularly hungry.

Everyone is looking for a full-time life but most live part-time to leave room for the job hunt that we never commit to.

You’re happiest when you’re present, and I’m not talking about sitting criss-cross-apple-sauced-up during meditation.

When you’re in the moment, being there, doing what you’re doing– that’s when you LIVE. That’s how you get more life out of each scene.

We look for passion because we assume it’ll place us more in the present.

Sometimes that’s true… but if you haven’t found it, what’s the approach? DON’T withdraw while you dream up a better life— most will do this and find disconnection, boredom, and loneliness.

The irony is pulling away moves you away from everything–not just the moments you hate, but the moments you could have loved…

If you’re still looking for your best life, YOU (more than anyone) have to live full time.

That means leaning into everything you’re doing, and only being there–in the moment, without worrying about what you’d rather be doing instead.

If you don’t have a clue what’s next, here’s the answer.

FORWARD.

Don’t move away, move through it– straight forward.

Be intensely in the moment, it takes that focus to figure it out.

Cheers,

–Another FOOL

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There’s endless amounts of content surrounding the benefits of not-caring.

Firstly, you become stoic, can handle higher amounts of pressure, emanate with an aura of absolute self control— some people like you more for it, supposedly. These ARE benefits—

—BUT these benefits only come from the unimportant things.

“Not caring” or the detachment part of it that people are usually referring to, only makes life better if you apply it to meaningless shit.

Example, try not to care when someone cuts you off driving, or when that idiot at your work is… being an idiot. You shouldn’t care about what you can’t control, that’s misery (it’s also stoicism, so there ya go).

But the benefits to GIVING AF (about the right things—things within your control) is what makes life awesome.

If you don’t give anything your all, you never fully discover the potential of things.

Passion is an attitude… in some ways.

You have to cultivate fascination, choose to fully dive into something and learn about its inner workings, choose to be fanatic about it, and why?

Why do all this?

Because after years, it turns into a love that sustains you. By doing this (caring about your craft or chosen field) you’re choosing to LIVE.

That’s been the biggest realization for me.

Passion isn’t something you find that brings that level of joy out of you, it’s actually an interest that you CHOOSE to commit and take all the way.

So, will you?

Will you live a half-assed life just floating about or commit to the thing you’re kinda into and go all the way? (hint: if you can’t do it for 10 years, move onto something else).

–FOOL

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I’m gonna dive straight into the point on this one.

The things you want, the kind of life you hope to have, the money, experiences, relationships, pretty much none of those things comes from chasing the thing directly.

People who always chase adventure somehow miss the best ones, it’s the people who pursue something greater that end up getting that experience as a result.

Take passion for example, most of us (self included) get it wrong. We think we’ve got to find something we love and then commit to it to reap the rewards of fulfillment.

That’s back-assery.

Passion follows commitment.

It’s only after you’ve decided to get good at something, to stick with it for 10+years, to master it, then you experience passion… or fulfillment, or whatever weird spiritual connection you were looking for.

My point is this, doing what you don’t want is often the straightest path to your goals and dreams.

Had I stuck to what I’m doing now but sooner, I’d already be where I wanted to be.

STOP looking for love.

Pick something, anything, just make sure you can stick with it.

Pick a skill that you could learn for 10 or more years, it just has to be semi-interesting for you, that’s the key.

After a while, your mind will rework itself, and you’ll start reaping the rewards you used to fantasize about.

Fuck Dreams, Get Good.

That’s far more fulfilling.

-FOOL

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