Tag: SelfHelp

I know, what a title.

So, let’s dive into it then.

The law of attraction DOES work.

If you entertain something enough, you’ll take action and not only that— there are doors that randomly open in very odd ways the more you focus on something.

That said, if this entire journey (your life) is about who you become, why would you want to be genie summoner?

Do you want to be wokey or skilled?

No, it’s not binary and you can be both– but know thyself. Both doesn’t work for all.

The way I choose my restraints, and restraints are important, they’re like braces for your life, to fix some of those independent teeth that insist on protruding away from the rest of your mouth. Point is, I choose restraints ONLY around personal weaknesses.

If I’m naturally imaginative and delusional, I ain’t touching the laws of wish granting. Instead, I’m moving towards mindset, attitude, and practical shit.

If you’re overly practical, then pick up a book on how to dream.

But the only way to advance is to defeat your dragon, and you have to know what it is you keep losing to first.

For me, it’s dreams.

Choose your disciplines accordingly.

You don’t need to listen to all the experts, just find the one speaking directly to you.

-FOOL

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Not my title btw.

Started reading this book and wanted to share some immediate takeaways for you Fools on the “trying to make something of myself” journey.

The author recommends doing something called morning pages.

Every morning, you’d write 3 pages, everyday, and dump literally anything that comes to mind on there.

“I just woke up and don’t feel like doing this” counts.

You can write anything, the point is just to write.

What this does is improve your clarity and focus throughout the day but it also acts as a meditative practice, and helps you become more whole, more yourself.

For the month of November, let’s do a challenge.

For all of November, just one month, remove your weaknesses and replace them with a better habit. Instead of watching tv, read. Instead of drinking, drive (joking).

Point is, for this upcoming month, let’s get disciplined.

–FOOL

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Hi Fool.

What a weird week so far, weird because the people who I know but don’t know each other are all feeling the same– tiny bit depressed.

It’s not the clinical kind either, more the funk that follows realizing you wanted more from life and this ain’t it.

Me on the other hand? I feel excellent, and the reason for them not but me yes is this: I have measurable steps that provide me with progress and they don’t.

In english– they’re floating because they don’t have a daily action that’s aligned with their goals.

What they don’t tell you is progress is not enough, you need to receive short terms wins from your progress, otherwise you won’t feel it and you’ll eventually quit.

I’ve come to realize something so important it’s literally eased all my pain and sharpened my focus: Your life, this one, it’s right here–in front of you.

STOP waiting for conditions to be met.

Instead assume they never will.

STOP thinking of best case situations and dreams you may like to live, instead make something. If you’re not a maker, do something.

But the dream life doesn’t happen through day-dreaming.

Only through waking.

So, you’re here, you don’t want to be but you are. Fuck it. What could you do right here right now that’d make this ride more enjoyable?

What could you learn?

Try that.

–FOOL

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It’s no accident the e-learning space is worth billions of dollars, we’re a lost people.

The irony of it all is the more we consume that content, the farther away we move from the thing we’re looking to start.

Why?

Because following their advice requires you to leave yours.

We all need to develop and constantly practice the habit of following our own interests and the only way to do that is to stop listening to others and pay attention to yourself.

What are you watching? What would your google search history say about you?

If we put you in a room with no internet for ONE month, and gave you a bunch of tools to play with, you’d play with what you’re drawn to.

It’s the same with career, spirituality, and relationships.

Play with your interests.

To do that, cover your ears then walk.

–FOOL

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If you pay closer attention, you’ll find you already have the answers you’re looking for. I think “learning” from others can be dangerous if you start considering following them and their path.

Doing this makes you abandon yours.

Some will tell you to pursue interests, others preach passion, some say just pick a skill, but the one you choose should be what YOU’D choose– by yourself, without the input of others.

I thought passion was what I wanted, then I found the only thing that could be my passion—and now, it’s just like everything else, meh.

That might not be true for you, but for me, interests win over passion.

Can you stick to what you picked for 10 years?

If your goal is success– that answer needs to be yes. IF your goal is a passionate life, also needs to be yes.

Most of us don’t stick to anything long enough to get the deep pleasure that comes from mastery.

When in truth, you’re not looking for God, spirituality, impact, or purpose.

You’re looking for commitment.

We all want that, because that’s how a human being transforms. Think about parents– they’re committed to new life, that they serve above themselves, and that FREES them from themselves.

Whether its career or a calling, we all crave losing ourselves to something more than us– and THAT is the answer.

But it’s a choice not a destiny you manifest.

Stop thinking about the path and you’ll find it.

When I kept imagining my career- I somehow imagined all things that DIDNT suit me. Only when I got practical, considering what I’m like and could learn and do, then I got ahead.

Do the same.

Unplug from the internet, and just DO.

Whatever you think to do will be where you need to go, if you can do it.

–FOOL

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Fools, did you know theres a direct relationship between thinking about yourself and misery?The more a person thinks about themselves, the more miserable they are.

That explains why overly-stressed first time parents are still happier than 20-something old bored douchebags (so I hear ;).

This brings me to my next point.

Word choice is VERY important— and I don’t think you’re looking for happiness or fulfillment. I know, I know, BUT “how can you know imaginary friend?”

Because looking for those things is like when you open the fridge because you’re in the kitchen— if you find something you might eat, but you’re not particularly hungry.

Everyone is looking for a full-time life but most live part-time to leave room for the job hunt that we never commit to.

You’re happiest when you’re present, and I’m not talking about sitting criss-cross-apple-sauced-up during meditation.

When you’re in the moment, being there, doing what you’re doing– that’s when you LIVE. That’s how you get more life out of each scene.

We look for passion because we assume it’ll place us more in the present.

Sometimes that’s true… but if you haven’t found it, what’s the approach? DON’T withdraw while you dream up a better life— most will do this and find disconnection, boredom, and loneliness.

The irony is pulling away moves you away from everything–not just the moments you hate, but the moments you could have loved…

If you’re still looking for your best life, YOU (more than anyone) have to live full time.

That means leaning into everything you’re doing, and only being there–in the moment, without worrying about what you’d rather be doing instead.

If you don’t have a clue what’s next, here’s the answer.

FORWARD.

Don’t move away, move through it– straight forward.

Be intensely in the moment, it takes that focus to figure it out.

Cheers,

–Another FOOL

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There’s endless amounts of content surrounding the benefits of not-caring.

Firstly, you become stoic, can handle higher amounts of pressure, emanate with an aura of absolute self control— some people like you more for it, supposedly. These ARE benefits—

—BUT these benefits only come from the unimportant things.

“Not caring” or the detachment part of it that people are usually referring to, only makes life better if you apply it to meaningless shit.

Example, try not to care when someone cuts you off driving, or when that idiot at your work is… being an idiot. You shouldn’t care about what you can’t control, that’s misery (it’s also stoicism, so there ya go).

But the benefits to GIVING AF (about the right things—things within your control) is what makes life awesome.

If you don’t give anything your all, you never fully discover the potential of things.

Passion is an attitude… in some ways.

You have to cultivate fascination, choose to fully dive into something and learn about its inner workings, choose to be fanatic about it, and why?

Why do all this?

Because after years, it turns into a love that sustains you. By doing this (caring about your craft or chosen field) you’re choosing to LIVE.

That’s been the biggest realization for me.

Passion isn’t something you find that brings that level of joy out of you, it’s actually an interest that you CHOOSE to commit and take all the way.

So, will you?

Will you live a half-assed life just floating about or commit to the thing you’re kinda into and go all the way? (hint: if you can’t do it for 10 years, move onto something else).

–FOOL

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I’m gonna dive straight into the point on this one.

The things you want, the kind of life you hope to have, the money, experiences, relationships, pretty much none of those things comes from chasing the thing directly.

People who always chase adventure somehow miss the best ones, it’s the people who pursue something greater that end up getting that experience as a result.

Take passion for example, most of us (self included) get it wrong. We think we’ve got to find something we love and then commit to it to reap the rewards of fulfillment.

That’s back-assery.

Passion follows commitment.

It’s only after you’ve decided to get good at something, to stick with it for 10+years, to master it, then you experience passion… or fulfillment, or whatever weird spiritual connection you were looking for.

My point is this, doing what you don’t want is often the straightest path to your goals and dreams.

Had I stuck to what I’m doing now but sooner, I’d already be where I wanted to be.

STOP looking for love.

Pick something, anything, just make sure you can stick with it.

Pick a skill that you could learn for 10 or more years, it just has to be semi-interesting for you, that’s the key.

After a while, your mind will rework itself, and you’ll start reaping the rewards you used to fantasize about.

Fuck Dreams, Get Good.

That’s far more fulfilling.

-FOOL

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Each birthday I have this ongoing tradition of reviewing the year— I write a letter to myself and am usually motivated to take some new course of action.

Each year, the actions gets simpler and smaller and each year, I find more success through that.

So let me ask you:

What small, daily action (think of an anchor), what one thing could improve all of it?

I can almost guarantee you you’re overthinking it. I’ve been a “professional writer” (for my 9-5 anyway) for a few years now and can tell you all my success came from boring and simple action. (daily writing, cold outreach, meditation).

The last few months alone, I started accumulating success just by saying yes to extra credit work.

“Accumulating” is the right word.

And let me define success: Doing more of what you like to do, and getting paid to do it.

Mine is an easy definition.

I’m gonna keep this post short, and summarize it with this.

For today, don’t think.

Instead of philosophy, make this the day you have to feel your way through. Go throw some apps in for some new roles, talk to people, experiment, DO more and DO it fully.

But forget the thinking… your mind will still be here with those same ideas tomorrow.

Try it, cheers.

–FOOL

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Every time period has some movement that’s mostly attractive– meaning most people can get behind it.

Our time is a very spiritual one, I’m also putting self-improvement in this bucket.

It’s obvious, all of us want some kind of deeper connection to our own lives and for whatever reason, we feel we’re lacking.

I’m not one of those “point finger at tech” types, but if I had to guess, our shorter and shorter attention span rope makes it harder to hold onto the present.

The other day I was thinking about this:

Chasing dreams is VERY unreliable.

You’re blindly betting on the fact that “that dream” will stay a dream— and that’s hardly the case if ever.

Then we’re surprised at the end of the road when we have nothing and hate life.

We’re all chasing spirituality and that’s why we’re unhappy.

Spirituality isn’t something meant to be chased, rather embodied, while you chase.

And chasing becomes the question, how do you choose what to pursue? Well, after following every hearts desire, I can tell you this:

Choose what you already follow.

Interests are what turn into meaningful passions and lasting careers, not dreams. Our problem is we see so many people spiritualizing their work, as if they’re doing it for God, and we want the same experience.

That’s bullshit.

Don’t go Guru, stop looking for it to be bigger than you and everyone you know– that’s a narcissistic idea anyway.

All you need to do if you want deeper meaning and a fulfilling life is focus on improvement and the vehicle you measure that by should be within your control.

Forget philosophy, pursue art, work, ideas, love, interests.

Then you’ll have it.

–FOOL

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Maybe you’re not afraid of failure, but that doesn’t automatically clear you.

Supposedly, there is a second variety of resistance– those afraid of success.

Even as I write that, I’m not so sure I believe in the concept. Afraid of success? Maybe it’s the verbiage I hate.

You and I both know if given the option on a multiple choice quiz, most people check off the “make my dreams a reality” box.

Maybe that just means we want our fears… who knows, but enough with the Freud, here’s what I’ve learned.

I’ve had this quirk in my character/brain/personality since I can remember. Anytime I start to get what I want, I wanna leave it completely.

Dreams, Goals, everything.

As soon as it’s mine, I don’t like it anymore.

Here’s where your second hand wisdom comes: It doesn’t matter how you feel about something or how it’s changed if you decided that’s what you want.

If I decide I want to be someone, the kind of person who does certain things, I have to make peace with that feeling and move forward despite it.

Your dreams have to be logical, but your methods– psychological.

Sound like just words? Let me explain.

You won’t accomplish anything if it isn’t practical. Everything you pursue needs to consider who you are as a person, that’s how you increase your chances of success.

As you progress, the only way to evolve through the trials and tribulations of dream chasing is psychology. You have to know yourself and what makes you tick.

And use that against yourself, positively.

I know I’ll always have the urge to withdraw, and I know what causes that urge to arise –so I know what I have to do when I feel it.

I treat it as a symptom and carry on through it.

The point is this, pick a dream you want practically. That way when the passion runs out, you’ll still want it and be able to pursue it.

That’s key.

—FOOL

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After you kill your dreams, you’re free to live.

When it comes to dreams and the pursuit of happiness, I disagree with most people. Unlike the gurus of ambition and anti-mediocrity— I don’t think you should follow your dreams.

Here’s why:

For something to be a dream, it means you don’t live with it. When you’re awake, you don’t work on it– and forget action, most don’t even study the thing.

So why do we hold on?

Simple.

It keeps us from feeling like nothing. If we don’t let go at least we have something, so we think.

But saving yourself for marriage is the quickest way to never score a first date.

DON’T DREAM.

If you’re going to follow anything it should be the present.

I climbed out when I leaned in.

I spent my entire childhood and early 20s dreaming— and did I accomplish anything remotely related? NOOOOPE.

Instead, I just lingered about.

Floating on “stuck mode.”

It wasn’t until I saw my present, my current reality, that I woke up and realized I’m rotting away for some fantasy that in all likelihood may never happen.

Forget your dreams to achieve them.

This is the most bizarre law of getting shit done, but it works. If you let go of the things you think you want, all you’ll be left with is the present, all you’ll have is focus,

And it takes focus to change your life.

Want to live better, be born again, have a do over?

Find purpose in the present.

LIVE like you have to impact everyone around you. Live like you’re going to die and so is everyone else, but you’re the only one who knows it.

LIVE without restriction.

–FOOL

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I ditched you for another woman, but I promise… I was still thinking of you.

It’s been a while since I last posted here and that’s because my life got awesome, and fast.

In the span of a month, I manifested EXACTLY what I wanted, and friends… guess what happened after that?

It became a regular job, just like everything else.

I was a little down learning that.

I always thought once you get “the thing” your life is pretty much made.

I was wrong.

What it did do was bring out more of who I am to the surface.

My passion got me aggressive, ungrateful, and more delusional— and I loved EVERY SECOND OF IT.

That’s what I’ve always craved and now? I’m gonna double down on it.

If you’re the humanitarian type and you worry for this internet pen pals health–know this, I started meditating, audio-booking mental health, and trying to calm down (just a little).

But enough about me, here’s what I want to share with you:

Pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional.

Who would you be without the thoughts of hating your life?

Seriously consider that, because the patterns of success, at least for myself, seem to be that when I accept my current reality and embrace it, I get what I want.

We’re here.

We’d rather be elsewhere but theres no where else to go.

So change how you experience it, by choosing to.

I’ll try not to be so much of a stranger,

—fool

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Everyone has that voice in their head— and we all know what it’s like to not be on the same page.

There’s what you want, what that voice allows, and then there’s your player (your best presentation).

Everyones life is a game of musical chairs, where each of us, in different moments, change seats.

Sometimes the watcher sits upfront.

In these moments, you’re not all there.

You sort of clock-in and clock-out –You don’t really hear anything, the things you say don’t mean much, everything is passive.

Let watcher sit there too long, and your life will literally pass you by.

The Player is your game face.

This is you in the zone, all in, no internal storm, monologue, or voices haunting your halls.

It’s fun here.

Most of us wish we could stay living from the best parts of us, and I don’t just mean projecting positivity. I mean subtracting darkness.

Thing is, you’re the combination of all of your voices and the changing settings require changing seats.

When you’re creating, the watcher has insights, untapped potential, transformative energy,

When you’re out living life, the player is who will give you that life you dream about. This is the person who says yes to adventure, flows, is witty and spontaneous, this is your movie star. You need them in the hot seat when you’re doing anything new, when you’re afraid.

But where does that leave you?

You’re the Decider.

It’s up to you to know when to change seats.

It doesn’t matter whether one wants to leave or not, whether one wants to play or not. YOU– the decider, writes your story.

And your awareness of these drivers is what will help you go where you need to go.

So, keep deciding.

Keep changing seats.

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I’ve got a lot of flaws.

I’m restless, moody, overly aggressive, have ultra high highs followed by crash-&-burn lows, but honestly, I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.

The whole time I passed the time trying to figure out what the hell I’d do with my life, I worked on my insides.

Who am I? What am I ashamed of? What moves me?

Instead of stuffing all that away, I brought it to surface. I incorporated my repressed traits, and then– I started getting the life I wanted.

You wouldn’t have to try to be anything if you just were, that might sound wokey– but it’s key.

All the things I wanted to be, I became, without trying, the second I accepted and embraced all of me (insides and out, shadow and persona).

And now?

I’ve started to do the work I LOVE, the work that lights my spirit, play.

Those events just unfolded right before me, completely in my favor, when I was ready. I became the person who can do those things– and now they’re here.

That is my advice to you.

You’ll be tempted to look outward instead. What job do I want next? What do I do? How?

Fuck all that.

It’s counterintuitive BUT go inside.

RECONNECT to who you are. Start writing to yourself or talking, and instead of forcing questions like “Hey me, what do you want” (because that never works), just look. Look at how you look.

How do others see you, try to imagine it.

What do they experience?

Both sides.

Your fans and haters.

And don’t judge.

You’re lucky to be you, embrace it.

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It’s weird seeing someone you used to like, someone who was always a freethinker, get consumed by conspiracy.

Yeah, Yeah— “There’s truth to conspiracy”

I mean they’re angry 24/7 and everything they consume and share is around all of us being controlled.

This might look extreme to you, maybe you even think it’d never happen to you, but we’re all vulnerable to it.

It doesn’t start by you researching conspiracies, it starts the opposite way.

People are driven mad– they land on extreme ideas running away from an extreme side.

Take the political left for example, their ideas are so progressive, they’ll drive all the angry young people to the right (most of which would never line up right and don’t belong there).

The people who otherwise belong left, now– leaving because no one can see middle.

This happens with everything.

People “choose” based on what they wouldn’t like.

It’s like the lesser evil bullshit.

Do this, and you’ll ironically experience the exact same control you feared– just from the disguise of a tribe you thought you chose.

There are no sides.

Theres no where to run or go to.

Don’t let your hate for one run you into another.

That’s the challenge with being an individual, everyone wants your attendance. But you have to protect yourself, and protect your independent thinking.

That’s the way of fool.

Don’t pick a side.

Don’t repress yourself.

Express all of your character fully, find channels, but never let others decide what and who you should be.

–FOOL

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Unpopular opinion incoming: 

Dreams are for virtual reality players… 

LOSERS. 

Assuming you’re not a complete screw up, you can look back at any given moment in your life and find some successes—- any type of successes (school, worky-work, that weird baking competition among members of your neighborhood, etc.).  

Point is, everyone has times where they got exactly what they wanted BUT few ever get what they dream of.   

Time travel back to some of your cherished wins, and really look at them– be objective. What made those things come true? Why didn’t the dream continue— why didn’t you keep on winning after it all?  

I have this theory, backed by nothing other than my high self-opinion, that DREAMS are something sold to us to keep us sleeping. 

Let me explain. 

Wanting more is a good thing. Desire is a good thing. Goals, great! 

But dreaming removes you from reality, and the people who make things happen only do so by being ruthlessly connected to reality. 

The more you walk in illusion, the deeper you sleep.  

Those stupid positive thinking youtube videos always tell you, if you can dream it– you can achieve it. Well, if that were true, why is every internet witch broke? 

Why are wokies brokies? 

Because it’s a lie. 

Seemingly everywhere— you’re told, “DREAM BIG.” 

AND you don’t need me to fill this part in… goes something like: “See it, believe it, achieve it” some variation of that garbage…  

But If you read about the greats, any of them, literally any one of them– You’ll find a common pattern emerging, all were ruthlessly practical.   

They knew who they were, what they’re like, what they’re good at, what & who they’re not AND DREAMS aren’t synonymous with self awareness.   

In fact, they’re almost always directly opposite. 

If you want to live the dream life, you don’t need to dream bigger or harder– YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. 

Dreams are products. 

The easiest to sell since you don’t need to convince anyone— everyone wants to believe they’re special but the people who make it know they’re not. 

I ONLY ever saw success when I chased improvement, not dreams— REALITY.

I woke up and realized I’m being a loser and I need to change.

You can easily be nothing.

You start as nothing. 

Whether you end that way is up to you. 

You can easily think you’re good as you are, but the second you accept yourself as special and perfect— is the exact moment you cut the fate yarn string and sit in failure.

If you want anything meaningful, set your alarm. 

Wake up to break the sandman’s spell because only then can you do something in this world.  

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The only principle I find myself sticking to as I get older is this:

I don’t care.

Sounds lazy, but no conspiracy theory could be a bigger lie.

Caring is suffering, and suffering is stupid. Life is what it is and the things that happen, they just do.

Then come along all these pretentious, entitled, ultra serious, posers who think getting offended and taking a stand (figuratively, as they’re almost always out of shape) will make a difference… that–that will make change?

Buncha zeros added still equals zero.

Back to not caring.

It’s liberating.

Think about the business you didn’t start, the person you didn’t ask out, the opportunity you didn’t take— trace em’ all back and you’ll find a silver lining, and not the stress strand on your head.

They all go back to caring.

You care what others think, what they’ll say, what might happen, how it’ll look.

We all start like this, it’s biology, it’s our inherited tribalism group-orientation.

But to do anything, you have to STOP caring.

Otherwise the crowd will consume you.

We post our best selves online, share only the highlight reels, hide and suppress our insecurities and live as poster child— fake versions of our fake images. Everyone does it, and so, ironically, no one gets what they want:

To be noticed.

Well, Idgaf anymore.

There’s the life I want to live and then theres the fake distractions competing for my time and energy.

Well, I’ve only grown happier since letting go.

So, who cares– I don’t.

I just want to make what I want to make and live how I want to live.

Everything else, not my problem.

–FOOL

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FOOLS, 

I went too far. 

Recently, and by recently— I mean this morning, my shower was interrupted by one of those “fix your life” thoughts. Rather than race to dry off like I normally do, I just sat there contemplating it all (besides, If it’s actually worthy I’ll remember it later…). 

How many of you practice Stoicism? 

“Not Caring” is and has always been the go-to prescription for most peoples miserable lives–and it makes sense.  

If you walk around “caring” about everything going on in the world, you’re going to suffer. 

It takes a lot of commitment to care.  

And there’s too many things to care about.  

Your levels of happiness come from where you fall on this figurative scale:  

0= IDGAF

10= This is my braveheart-die-a-hero, hill

When I was a little dweeblet, I overly cared. I’d worry about all the things that could go wrong and try to prevent them, control them, manipulate them. So I suffered a lot— always on edge, nervous, overthinking, always in a hurry and never relaxed. 

As life chafed me by, I got tired of living like that. 

There’s too many other things to care about, AND what? You’re going to walk around taking on ALL of the world’s burdens?! 

So then came my second metamorphosis: 

The modern pseudo-stoic.  

Using the scale above, I probably dropped from like a 9.5 to a 5.8. Big dip for me. 

And yeah, just like that my anxiety was nearly gone, I was bolder, freer, and just more in the moment than usual.  

BUT nothing in life stays still, and neither did my place on the scale. If you’re a fake stoic, which I was, Not Giving a PHUCK easily turns into Nihilism. 

And it did. 

Now you’re just empty, thinking everything is for nothing, and uninspired.

Bigger loser shit than overly caring. 

YOU HAVE TO CARE, but about very select things.

I know theres a book on this, but I didn’t read it.

Having a goal, a mission, a belief you’re really about is fulfilling. It brings massive purpose and meaning to your life.

You should CARE deeply about something real to who you are, and for everything else out of your control– that’s where you say fuck it.

So with that, #FOOLFWD

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This exercise was randomly invented by a friend and I, debating existence. We’re twin idiots since we make the same mistakes– so what started as play, ended insightful.  

First question: 

If your finished book (written by God, Universe, whatever you believe in) fell from the sky, would you read it? 

By finished, I mean this book shows you how your ENTIRE life will play out immediately, from the moment you start reading it.  

You can’t change anything. 

All the pain to come, progress, bad/good decisions, heartbreak– fated. 

That said, our answer? 

“Skip to chapter: intercepting this book.”

My rationale is if it ends badly, I’ll find more peace and joy out of every moment–even the boring ones, and If it ends successfully, same effect only more joy. 

Here’s where it turned insightful.  

I then asked my friend, hypothetically, “if your book did end badly, why and how did it?” This forced both my friend and I to look at ourselves honestly and consider what we’re doing right now. 

Almost instantly he rattled off a lot of what we’re doing… right now.  

Not a whole lot of reasons for success… BUT tons for the alternative. 

And the same was true for me. 

Now, we flip the coin. 

If it ended successfully, why and how? 

And Fools, whatever that answer is– is what you should focus on. 

–Another Mad FOOL

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