Tag: #findingyourwhy

It took way too long to realize this, but the game you’re playing (despite your goals, life circumstances, and unique personality), is the same as everyone else’s.

The way to win YOUR game, even if different than mine, is still the same.

Overcome Yourself.

That’s the final boss you have to beat in order to beat the game.

You’re the policeman, the guard, the demon, the enemy, AND you’re the hero, main character, protagonist.

You can change who you play as. You can change what it all means.

But in the end, you cannot beat the game unless you beat yourself.

-Fool

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Where are you ALWAYS tested?

Each of us has something core to our story, an area we’re constantly tested in, a weak spot.

This is the thing the universe always serves you with, it’s recurring, til you pass.

I regularly run from failure from fear of being it, the irony is this is exactly how I continue to fail. I’ll leave to go chase adventure and opportunity, crash and burn, then return.

But for the first time, I caught myself.

Yesterday, I passed.

Because I decided NOT to act on this and instead do the opposite, which is to BE WHERE I AM AND BUILD here!

Figure out the patterns of your failures, they always come from one thing, and when you retake your karmic test, this time you can pass it.

-Fool

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If there’s anything I learned working in advertising, it’s that no one is immune to it, not even the writers coming up with the campaigns.

Every product, even food, is sold as pleasure, fulfillment, and happiness.

We’re brought up (unknowingly) to think that if we don’t keep up with the Joneses, it’s LACK— that we lack.

Hilariously ironic, given that everything you “can’t live without” owns you.

You start to measure your self worth based on these things.

What you do, who you do it for, how to keep getting more.

That’s why when you meet someone, the first question is “what do you do?” Instead of, “who are you?”

FUCKING GROSS.

It’s no wonder we’re all depressed.

I like to workout with music, but on the 3rd time my apple airpods died, I didn’t buy new ones.

Why?

Because something scary happened.

I caught myself automatically going to the store to replace them, without thinking. Then, when I realized I’d been owned, stopped and turned around.

It’s not bad to have things you like, but the more you buy, the more you think you need to buy.

We’re all on this loop.

We’re chasing extrinsic toys to fill intrinsic wants. Daddy worked all the time, so he bought you a hamster to makeup for his absence, but you been running on that wheel ever since.

FREEDOM is not needing.

Fulfillment is something that comes from within: The joy you have experiencing yourself, true friendship, vulnerability, these are the things that make you ALIVE.

We’re numb because what has taken the place of these human values is…. branding.

You become the brands you rent (not buy, because you don’t own anything).

Try less.

Try not needing, see what happens.

-Fool

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Or maybe you are…

I don’t want to be too self aware, you need some madness— that’s what sparks creativity.

The only point to this self awareness training is to work out and find your own path, something compelling enough to make the shittiness of your life worth stomaching.

Find the thing you can lose yourself in, and if you can’t get lost— find something that does a good job engaging you.

The point isn’t to be woke.

Not to be happy.

Not to feel awesome.

The point is, when you’re on your death bed, sitting there looking back at it all, you can say, “Fuck, I really lived.”

That’s the point.

To feel things all the way. To do things fully. To be vulnerable to the world and live holding nothing back.

That’s really the only honorable way to serve your sentence on this rock.

-Fool

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Friends.

The future is upon us, and its invasion is subtle, while most of us repeat the same routines that are destined for disruption.

Between AI and our space advancement, who knows what it’ll mean to be human and where our place in the world will be.

But there is an upside to being an organic…. Connecting with other organisms, being the single greatest one.

We can’t compete with machines and we shouldn’t even try.

But this isn’t new, it actually helps provide more clarity ON OTHER competitions you should NOT be participating in.

YOU also can’t compete with people who make money by being themselves yet most people still try to.

When you take inspiration, i.e. follow their advice, you’re choosing to follow their path over your own.

And that almost never works, unless you have the worst luck on the planet— and it does.

Then you’ll find yourself living someone else’s life.

An entirely different tragedy.

So the only question is: how do you be a real human that the world could use?

Start by being a radical individual.

Discover yourself, uncover your path.

It’s that simple.

People want steps to doing this, but mine won’t be yours. For some it’s journaling, for others it’s yoga, there are no rules to checking in on yourself.

Do what works, but do the work.

Because the world has robots and they’re already kicking ass, you’ll have to be your own human, and occupy your own niche.

-Fool

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I couldn’t cry.

I just couldn’t.

This was something I’d known about myself for a long time, but never took the time to explore.

Strange since I was an emotional kid, who cried all the time, at everything.

But as I grew older, I grew colder.

Numb.

And what replaced authenticity was advertising.

I wanted to be a movie poster of myself.

Something that had no weakness.

I wanted to be something that was MORE everything than whatever it stood against.

I chased image and illusion.

There’s a whole list of never ending problems that come from such a superficial aim, but the worst of all— it caused me to hate myself.

I didn’t know I did.

But by rejecting (and suppressing) all the things I didn’t like, and those things being a part of who I am— I killed my own self and substituted an actor.

I thought I was weak for having flaws, so my solution was to become someone who didn’t, and only fictional characters don’t.

Without ever noticing, I was successful.

I couldn’t feel pain anymore…

…but I couldn’t feel joy or love either.

I couldn’t feel anything.

I was dead.

No one could tell.

Not friends, not family.

They thought I had everything going for me.

I tried talking, but my words couldn’t reach them.

And they couldn’t reach me.

What was said, was never heard.

I couldn’t send or receive.

My connection to life was severed.

Not love, not hope, not affirmation, not even a fucking cry for help.

Dead.

I lived this way for most of my life.

Here, I started searching for what I thought I lacked— not soul, but success.

Material.

And of course, I never got it.

Because my dis-ease wasn’t physical.

It took more than one thing to realize that. It took years of relentless pursuit. Of chasing the wrong things. Being a loser. Being a failure. Being alone. Being nothing.

It was ONLY when I sat with my nothingness, when I sat in truth and left my character to withdraw from the charade of my life, then I found it.

Me.

During this deep dive (a 3 month journey of introspection) I found me, actual me, the child behind the mask.

And then AFTER YEARS of being DEAD— I cried.

I cried like a baby that had just been born.

I cried because I COULD breathe, because I was ALIVE.

I woke up for the first time.

Whole, Different, Human.

If you relate to any of this, the one small but most significant thing that SAVED my soul is this: BE HONEST with yourSELF.

I didn’t realize that the masks we wear, FOOL us more than whoever we put them on for.

When you’re thinking about lying or pretending, remember, you’re literally gambling with your own self.

Is that something you can afford to lose?

-Fool

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Those voices in your ear aren’t always your own,

your ruler in command,

sits behind the throne.

Throughout your lifetime, you’ll be torn in different directions.

You’ll know self betrayal.

You’ll know falsehood.

Your goals will change, your friend circles will change, life will happen to you.

But the people who reach their aims, the people who succeed, were able to do something you still haven’t done.

And that is turn around.

Your king— the person in your head, sitting on the throne, the person you see yourself as, this is not the person actually in charge.

This is not the person running your life.

Rather, It’s the person whispering in your King’s ear.

They hold the reigns to your life.

Most will be fooled by this.

You’ll want to believe those ideas and plans, but the second you do, you blur the line between where the King begins and the advisor ends, and this is how you stay in purgatory for the rest of your life.

If you desire fulfillment, you have to desire truth.

You have to see yourself alone, without dreams, without people. Because stripped of everything, all there is– is all there was:

YOU.

-Fool

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No matter where I go, the policeman beats me with his stick, because he does not want me to take form. 

So I became a mirror, that he wouldn’t dare hit.

You and I, as humans, have built in instincts and drives, some we understand and know of, others— we’re completely blind to.

Do you wonder why you self sabotage?

Do you know what’s best for you?

Each of us must pass through a door to interact with society, and each of us, wears our unique door.

This door has a guard, a policeman, and this officer keeps you in line.

They set your limits, your rules, and for some of us, they dictate what we pursue in life, what we allow ourselves to dream and what we allow ourselves to become.

Your policeman has one function: to keep you alive.

And driven solely by that duty, they will do it, despite the fact that this could mean living a life sentence of isolation, mediocrity, and fear.

But you need to see through this.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing you he doesn’t exist. So too, your guard will do.

If you believe there is NO policeman, you’ll confuse your self preservation and self sabotage as part of who you are— YOU’LL think it is you who’s driving the ship, making the decisions, you’ll think you’re the one in control.

But the entire time, you let your devil fool you.

Remember, to live fully, you must escape your own guard.

-Fool

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There’s this concept of self I always liked.

Basically, you’re not just you, you’re a community of you’s.

You from the past, present, future, and all the potentials of each of those you’s.

If you thought making decisions was hard before, try doing it considering all this crap, now it’s near impossible.

But we can make it smaller and easier.

The truth is, theres really 2 you’s that’ll drive throughout your lifetime. Actual you (the watcher) and character you (the person you present, or player).

You can and do use your player.

You designed them after all, for that reason. It keeps the world at a safe distance, people can’t totally hurt you, and it can make up for any character flaws society doesn’t like.

But here’s the danger.

Use your character too much and you start thinking you’re that, you start making life decisions for that poster of self.

Then you become disconnected from actual you— the person watching this whole thing unfold, and all of a sudden, depression.

You don’t know why but you feel a void.

To become whole, to live fully, you need to live as you.

That might require tricking the brain, but first, you’ll have to learn to see who’s watching from inside the mask.

That takes observation.

Don’t look medusa directly in the face, she’ll stone you. Watch, afterwards. Reflect, ask questions. Why did my character do that? Why’d they say that?

Follow them to get to you.

-Fool

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We all have different voices seated at the table of our mind.

Some have executive power– they call most the shots, others? We barely hear.

Most of “Change” happens when we develop a relationship with those other voices, like the better one– who tells you what you need not want– the older sibling voice.

But the danger in listening to any voice is you open the door to hearing what sings to you. This song is your locked away desires, fantasies, delusions, and you’ll WANT to believe it– but where does that song take you?

Sirens.

Sirens sing to take you off course. To destroy you. These are your traps, where you get swept away in the sea of bullshit imagination, where you lose a lifetime running in the same spot.

This is how people get STUCK in their heads and go insane.

Don’t think having a strong compulsion to act makes the voice you’re hearing honest. It’s the Sirens who will stir the strongest emotions in you– after all, they know your deepest desires.

The only way to get free of them, out the mind and into living life, is to listen for a different voice. This one won’t excite you, but you’ll remember it as a compass. It knows what’s best for you.

Oftentimes it rises during or after crisis, but you can hear at any time. How? Start talking to it by getting real. Stop hiding.

-Fool

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The cups you pour into are the cups you drink out of.

Careful with the relationships you water.

The people you give your time to.

The work you work on.

The things you read, watch, choose to love or hate.

Everything you pour your attention to, pours right back into you.

So before you start pouring, ask yourself is this something I want inside of me? Is this something I’d want to drink?

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The mind is a dangerous place, untethered.

It’s like those underwater cave divers, the real danger when you scuba dive there is losing your rope.

They have to hold onto a rope at all times just to keep a sense of direction, because without it, you lose your sense of up and down— and that’s how most drown.

The mind is similar.

Lose a routine. Lose contact with reality.

Daydream too much, overthink, over plan, and you’ll slowly lose oxygen…. until you hit bottom.

To stay tethered, you need to HOLD ON.

Keep your routines, keep with others, play, stay doing the unimportant hobbies. They do more for you than you know.

-fool

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If choosing the right opportunity to pursue is something you struggle with, imagine which “thing” you can keep during the different roles of your life.

I always keep my writing, because tomorrow— me as a husband, father, leader, or whatever, can and very likely will, STILL write.

Whereas shooting videos and producing scripts…. that feels like a right here right now type of thing.

Changing the timeline we think in helps us make better decisions.

But it’s deeper than that too.

Our minds aren’t naturally wired to find solutions, they’re wired to avoid problems. Use this to your advantage by figuring out where things could go wrong, rather than right.

And then plan for those wrongs.

-Fool

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The matrix is a cool concept but falls short imo.

That too cocky to say?

I prefer to see it less VR and more mythology.

You have a meat suit, your character.

This is your human.

Most people identify with their human, and that’s not wrong.

But you’re not just human.

You have a voice, something that whispers to you, something that knows things about you that you don’t.

Your God.

The Soul.

The Driver of that suit.

Always there, always watching.

If you’re really good, sometimes you can see it.

But If you’re great, you can team up with it— that’s what all the greats do. They talk to it enough til they can hear an answer back.

The day you and this being agree is the day you win the war of life.

Because when you have no more inner conflict, the world switches to easy mode.

-Fool

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Taking time is a bullshit concept.

It’s one thing if you need the time to figure out your next move or recover, but allowing time to do the work of providing you missing answers… that’s dumb.

Time doesn’t work like that and neither does life.

If you NEED change or are desperate for different— pivot.

And do it fast.

Better to move around recklessly than stand still.

Movement can’t fail, ever.

It will always lead you somewhere, and something ALWAYS turns into something more.

But stand still long enough, and you’ll lose it all.

-Fool

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What if you pass the age of 25,35,45… and still haven’t found the thing you want to do for the rest of your life?

Maybe, and not necessarily, but maybe your career isn’t your purpose— and if you understand this, you’ll free yourself after finishing this blog.

I’ve ALWAYS wanted my one and only since I can remember.

A dream role that I commit myself to for all of life, that inspires me, fills me with love, joy, human spirit, oh— and above everything, pulls me out of the banality of existence.

Intuitively, I was saving myself for this dream role. I’d chase opportunities and as soon as they failed to fill my internal purpose bucket (meaning I no longer loved them the same) I’d leave then repeat the search cycle.

Always starting, never following through.

But I realized as time went on, it wasn’t the dream job I was looking for.

I just didn’t want to feel empty.

I wanted to be connected to something more important than myself— and that thing is purpose.

You decide your purpose, and it can come from anything you choose, not just your career.

Most people who romanticize career don’t real give a shit about their jobs, it’s the purpose they get from the role itself that they find fulfilling.

Start with your purpose if you want to end the search and find your meaning.

-Fool

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