Tag: calling

Want different things?

I used to feel conflicted between my desires– I wanted the “ignorant lifestyle” (fast life, mansion, cars, etc.) and the one of deep fulfillment… and I’ve since solved for that.

The answer isn’t in what you want– it’s the end result you’d enjoy.

Do I love training muay thai? Kinda-sorta. There are definitely days I’d love to skip, but I don’t. When I see how my masterful instructors move about with ease and power, I remind myself why I need and want this.

I want that end result.

It’s sort of the same thing with my career– I enjoy the everyday, but keeping that end result in mind, it makes it easy for me to stay the course through the tough days… and there are definitely days I question my course.

It’s okay to not love every single minute of everyday, happiness is a moment but fulfillment is a lifetime.

Fulfillment is far more valuable and it comes from something entirely different than happiness— it comes from deep engagement.

I’ve had to train myself to play different games to get to this point of my life, and I’m lucky it was within my control.

For starters, I ask myself: How can I maximize each day?

There’s always going to be things you hate doing, what could you do that would make that day more enjoyable? The other day, I was sore and ultra-fatigued and really didn’t want to go to muay thai.

On the drive there, I kept thinking how I could make it more fun.

When I arrived, my solution was the same as for everything else in my life. I engaged more with everyone. Lots of play and humor– and sure enough, a second wind came and I rode it to the top of joy and excitement.

It’s simple, not easy.

But you can train yourself to do this.

I play towards my goals.

That’s how I intend on designing, and living the rest of my life. I know who I am at my best, and to honor that everyday– I keep certain habits and routines in place.

More importantly, I practice a playful mindset.

Others go miserable wanting things, I’m just focused on my own sandbox and having fun building sandcastles.

It’s a thing.

I don’t think you can literally tongue magic millions of dollars before you just be chanting a phrase, but it looks like there is something to saying your goals out loud.

A strange lil’ trick for behavior change in psychology is leveraging social contracts. We tend to not want to be hypocrites– so when we repeatedly tell others we’re going to do something, we increase our likelihoods of doing it.

A lot of us already know this, maybe even do it, but I’m more interested in what it does to the social contract you have with yourself.

My writing career is a chicken-egg scenario, not sure which came first. Was I interested or did I become interested after proclaiming I was going to do it?

Either way, I ended up doing it and now won’t change.

I said I was after mastery so many times, that now something in my brain sets off an alarm anytime I engage with activities that move me away from it, even if it’s slight… and I immediately return.

I’ve built my identity around the things I do.

In a way, you’re not just proclaiming what you want to happen– you’re announcing who you’re going to become.

You’re telling the world this is my character and when you do that, it’s near impossible to go back on your word.

Sound strange?

Performance coaches use this same technique to create lasting change. Attacking behavior is temporary, but identity… that’s what lasts– that’s what will have you maintain when no one’s looking.

And that’s what matters.

Where do you want change?

Health, finance, a new career?

Speak it into existence. Make it your identity. First, get clear on who the type of person that has the thing you want is? If it’s health, maybe that’s the type of person who enjoys being active and eating in moderation. Money? This could be the type of person who enjoys tracking and growing their finances.

It’s not about the thing itself, it’s what creates the thing.

Before I became a copywriter, the question was what exactly do they do? I became that, by doing it…. and I only started doing it after I told anyone who would listen, this is what I’m after.

Sure enough, that’s what I got.

Hurtin’ for change? Start chanting my friends, because it looks like for each and every one of us– our word becomes our bond.

Do you know what you’re looking for?

…And how can you be sure?

You know you want change, but you haven’t stopped and taken a moment to define what it might look like… and this is where we open the door to suffering.

Right now, there’s tons of opportunity. It’s everywhere, but it’s hard to grasp when you’re racing all over the place.

The reason you feel restless when you’re alone is because you know you’re capable of so much more– so that anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s actually there to serve as a compass.

But we have to stop.

One thing I’ve learned is running is a habit… if you keep running from thing to thing, you stay in a perpetual state of motion.

Normally, I’d say that’s a great thing– but you need to be able to stop in order to create and the life you want is created.

I think our solution to stress is decompression.

We try to “recover” by forgetting. Sometimes that’s playing video games, watching a movie, hanging out with friends, none of which is a bad thing.

But all too often this becomes our only way of coping… and we never stop running around.

Eventually, you have to commit. You have to go all in on the path before you, this is how progress is made– and it’s also how to create the actual change you’re looking for.

Things become different, when we do.

When I started approaching my role more open and playfully, not only did my skill level develop, but I started gaining more opportunities. The very same role, turned into something better… just by being better.

That’s really the only point of this post: If you want change, start where you are.

Believe me, I don’t love the answer either. But take it from someone who always jumped thing to thing– it’s imaginary. Your escapist thoughts of one day leaving and journeying to an entirely new place aren’t real. What actually happens is you erase all your progress, start over, and now are unhappy… in a different place.

Real change happens in the moment.

So, your challenge is before you. Will you blend into the background of your own life and waste what you have or will you shine and play through it?

It’s your movie, you decide.

Human beings are all too good at rationalizing, and as we get older– we become even better at it.

This doesn’t make us any more rational, just explaining machines.

The problem with it is we don’t always know why we’re doing the things we do, and we often get caught in our own mind loops– doing this, to get that, to then go here….

….we get stuck chasing/doing things we never really wanted.

When true fulfillment and success come from a different attitude, and it isn’t one of explaining. It’s asking questions, because you’re genuinely curious.

Being a learner is fulfilling. Dedicating yourself to a craft, subject, or field– because you genuinely enjoy it is worth everything.

The human mind thrives on this, and yet most of us shy away from this type of commitment, myself included.

Ironic.

You’re putting off living in hopes of something one day intervening and bringing life into your life… it doesn’t work like that.

You have to bring the fun to everything you do, and with such a fluid approach, you’ll be able to pivot through different interests until you settle on one or few.

To be curious, you’ll have to go back to your childlike approach– where you actually gave a shit to even ask the question. The problem is, when we hit 30 (some even sooner), we default to the attitude of “knowing what we need to.”

It’s a miserable existence to have to be right, to take life seriously, to not play.

There is no wisdom or coolness behind that approach, it’s just a pathetic way of hiding deeply seated fears and insecurities.

That’s coming from the once “cool and aloof” kid.

You’re looking for “that thing” –we all are. A book won’t point you there, a mentor can’t advise you, this is only found through exploration.

Something we were all born to do, but haven’t been conditioned to practice.

Want to fight old age, live longer, happier and healthier, while enjoying every bit of life? Let’s return to our roots, quit trying to be right and be curious.

#play

Oftentimes, it’s the overused “timeless” phrases that actually hold the answers you’re looking for.

Unfortunately we’re so familiar with them, that we don’t really consider it– at least not on any meaningful level.

Know Thyself.

We’ve all heard the expression– and when you tell someone this, they immediately nod back and flash a peace sign, “wurd.”

The vast majority seem to think they’re born knowing themselves. They never question why they do what they do, or why they believe the things they do, but somehow– they’re experts in the field of their wiring??

I think people live shit lives because they DON’T know themselves, and they’re too willfully ignorant to uncover more.

Knowing yourself is a developed skill, not a born trait. It takes time, it’s hard, and it should be uncomfortable.

….in truth, you probably suck. Sure, there are things that are awesome too, but all of us suck to some degree.

Everyone wants to be special in their own story.

I guess growth is when you lose that need to maintain your own delusion. Today, I see myself as far less “chosen” and far more just here figuring it out and that doesn’t hurt me.

I’m free of myself, because I know myself. I spent my entire life not knowing– so I chased random ideas, businesses, paths, none of which fit me or my character.

But thanks to my relentless pursuit for truth, I found myself in the end. That led to a life that suited me, and as I continue to strengthen my relationship with who I am, my life continues to improve in every way.

If you want to keep losing at the game of life, then continue taking yourself seriously. Before you can ever succeed, you need the right attitude… which most people can’t even get to this step.

Being afraid to introspect, not being able to laugh at yourself, that’s a super shitty life. When you can accept everything about you– the good and the bad, then you can start to fully live.

Until then, you insecurely chafe against the world and put yourself in depressive experiences because you think it all means more than it does.

Sit for a second, imagine you’ll lose everyone you love… what if you got that call today? Was acting all serious and stuck up worth it?

Did it matter in the end?

We’re all dying and nothing clears the mind like death.

If you want to succeed, which I define as living life in a fulfilling way unique to you, you need to get real…. get real and let go.

#FoolAround

The other day I found myself thinking new for the first time.

No anger, no emotional turmoil, no delusional dreaming— just pure acceptance for everything in my life.

This is different for me, very different.

I used to be someone who wanted to change everything, and all the time. I’d drive myself miserable seeing the worst in people, comparing myself to others, and constantly wishing to be something else.

But lately, I haven’t been thinking like that.

For someone who has always been emotionally intense, yesterday I felt strength for the first time.

The storm came like it always does, but this time it did not move me.

All those years of experimenting, of constantly learning and trying to be more, failing and starting over– none were wasted. It compounded, and that’s what I wanted to pass onto you.

Don’t ever stop. Even if it looks like nothing is helping you, it will in the long run.

Back then, I wondered how I’d use all the useless shit I learned. I read, I practiced new disciplines, but still I’d fall back into my own weak-habits. The difference for me was I never stopped. I never wrote myself off– despite how much I failed, I just kept moving.

One day you’ll see it.

Everything you’re doing will all of a sudden compound, and you’ll be far better for it. You’ll be stronger, composed, wiser, and more fulfilled.

It’s not like I have everything figured out all of a sudden, but this feeling, where I am right now, is worth everything to me.

This isn’t temporary happiness, this isn’t circumstantial.

This is character.

Compounded from trial and failure.

For the first time, I’ve let go of my own prison. All the things that used to have a hold on me– don’t.

Through understanding, we end suffering.

I didn’t until now.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, continue no matter what. Push forward, and endure.

You’ll eventually meet your own potential.

#AlwaysForward

Occasionally I’ll still have days where I relapse into my old mindset– that internal voice that assures me I’m better than my responsibilities.

It took me learning one major lesson to finally understand this, I was never going to find freedom.

What I really wanted was freedom from myself and that comes from surrender, total submission to the path itself.

The more you chase freedom (new experiences, relationships, places, careers, etc.) the less you’ll have it. All chasing does is open more doors, and that’s the irony. Those that constantly start anew, never reach it.

Submitting to a practice, being totally engaged in all before you– this is what frees you. When I stopped chasing ideas, I started building my own life and as a result, became more free.

Free of delusion.

It’s not enough to focus on goals, you’ve got to create a different dynamic with your own life. This is as much of an attitude and approach as it is a philosophy. Just yesterday, when I was feeling complain-y because I was randomly assigned a bunch of shit I didn’t want to do, I stopped and reframed.

If I’ve got to do this, I’m going all out.

I bring the play. It doesn’t come to you.

You’re an amateur at the game of life if fun is selective. You bring the fun. This has been a huge game changer for me.

There’s a bunch of things I don’t want to do, but since I’ve got to– might as well go all the way out and embrace it.

LEAN IN.

Freedom is a mindset, an attitude, and an approach– NOT a destination.

If you want to be free, let go.

It was always right in front of you.

#StayIntheNow

Hey Fool.

By nature, I’m not a reader.

Sitting alone with nothing but a book to delight me isn’t something I ever wanted to do. But as I got older, I gradually discovered the non-fiction section of the book store.

Suddenly, those once-worthless-paperbacks were now seen as human brain upgrades– the ultimate tool for me to get ahead and strengthen my weaknesses.

Now, I could “hack” my way to success.

And with this seed planted, I became a “reader.” I went through every imaginable self help book, when it comes to approach and niche– none were off limits. It didn’t matter to me if the strategies were proven scientifically– or if they were total spiritual gobbledygook. All I cared about was could I use this immediately to advance towards my goals?

Enter the apprentice phase.

This part of my life is interesting. For years, all I did was consume. Non-stop content on what you should do, how you should think, disciplines to practice, habits to hold, etc.

Reading led to more reading.

It felt like I couldn’t get the information as quickly as needed. But then years passed, and I made very little improvements…. worst of all, I felt disconnected.

YOU DISCOVER YOUR PATH.

There is no book, course, mentor, or whatever that can recommend how to move forward. You need to do it blindly, that’s part of the game and whatever happens, happens.

We’re meant to do it for the first time, to do it on our own. And really, I mean think about– how can someone who isn’t you tell you to live your life?

It doesn’t make sense.

If you can read and apply systems loosely, then it’s worth it. But if you’re struggling like I did with the distance part, and end up intensely worshipping all of it– drop the book.

You can’t read your way there, you need understanding.

Reflecting through journaling will yield more results than just reading one book to the next.

Authenticity is the key to success, which means figuring out yourself and nature and then applying it appropriately.

Input does equal output, so careful what you consume.

#Fool