We all have our battles but we’re never taught how to identify them. It’s assumed we know what stops us, what we’re fighting and will continue to fight, it’s assumed we can see the actual problem.
But I don’t think we can.
The way we’re wired, our brains, like a Machiavellian magician, cloak our recurring inner conflicts.
We think our struggles are something else, we think the problem is circumstantial or maybe it’s just environmental or relational.
But your saboteur isn’t fate, it’s the captain of your ship…
For a long time I suffered from my own imagination, and I really suffered. To be fair, my inner magician was skilled– and delusion was disguised as fate and destiny.
This resulted with an arrogant child who believed he was born to some grandiose purpose– which resulted in me taking everything far too seriously. I believed I was above everyday life and all the duties that came with it.
And then followed the consequences of this thinking: The Gap.
The gap between what I saw and actual reality grew, and I became more deeply entrenched in my own mind. Now the storms pulled me farther into sea, and I couldn’t see the shore.
To the outsiders, this would look like strange discontent inside an individual. They’re never present, they have a distracted look in their eyes, they’re not there… they’re not with you.
It’s hard to describe, but it’s like something in your brain fogs your own vision and for the life you– you can’t get clear on what you have, where you are, and how to move forward.
It took years for me to get clear.
I was unemployed for years, skill-less for years, and self-isolating.
All as a result of believing there must be something to this feeling. I didn’t even know it was a storm, that’s the greatest trick the magician pulls– he makes you believe him.
I made my life, I got out of the sea, only when I realized I’m a shitty captain. When I stopped listening to my north star and started charting a course to shore– I got out.
What this means is this, after being tired of being depressed, delusional, and isolated– I purposely got practical. I distrusted my mind, got outside help and got better of it.
My brain still has the very same climate it always had, but I am a far better sailor.
You can’t stop the storm, but you can sail our quicker.
Comments are closed.