Tag: self development

Everything sucks… sometimes.

As I’ve gotten disappointed (the adult synonym for older), I’ve come to understand that life is a game of trade.

Like the whole– for every action there is a reaction, it just comes down to what you’ll tit for tat. What you’re willing to trade in return for the thing you want.

Example: You want to be some type of entrepreneur, let’s say it’s the suited up biznus kind, but you hate sales and refuse to make the daily calls.

If your mom didn’t already break it to you, you’re not on your way to #FCKa9-5.

See, in todays opportune but ultra competitive markets, you can’t kinda do something. You’re going to have to semi-enjoy the pain that comes from your dream. This is the necessary competitive advantage to win.

So, for this next year free yourself of that fruitless search for purpose.

Instead, look at the things you wouldn’t mind sucking at, and keep going. Look at the things you find fulfilling, especially during the suck.

What things have you losing track of time?

Besides cry, what did you do as a child?

What types of activities engage you most?

Revisit them. Start with the suck in mind.

What suck do you enjoy? Training? Maybe it’s preparing a speech, conquering the blank page, building robots, idk.

But find your suck, and live a life that doesn’t.

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Well, it was actually way simpler than I thought.

Turns out– it had nothing to do with trying to change, more so figuring out what’s important and then leaving what isn’t.

2022 is around the block– what do you want to do differently?

I was really struggling these past months, the old restless thought patterns came back and I had urges of starting over and leaving everything I’ve worked for behind.

This isn’t anything new for me, but this time it felt nearly impossible to combat.

And then yesterday I suddenly got over it.

I realized something, life is a game. If you focus on the shitty negative aspects– you’re sure to lose. I was sitting here taking everything seriously and spiraling downward, all because I was identifying with my negative thoughts (a big no- no).

Feel what you feel, but identify with something better. Something that can pull you out when the storm throws you overboard.

It’s that simple.

You’ll still feel like garbage and have bad day, but if you choose the right thing they won’t last.

That’s key.

It’s not just identity, it’s choice.

I choose to identify with the higher– the better version of me that plays through obstacles and moves on quick.

That said, let’s see how I can remake my entire existence in the span of a year. 2022 will be my craziest, most fun year yet.

Wanna do it with me?

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Your ability to see reality clearly is what will determine the amount of success you create. Most people– they can’t see beyond themselves.

That’s what this pandemic has shown all of us.

Massive fear.

From each other, from control, from death.

Everyone is afraid.

And we imagine that our fears are the truth. We imagine the proof we’ve seen is scientific, and our friends and families are delusional conspiracy theorists.

We all forget how “truth” works.

Instead everything becomes binary, in a non-world.

I don’t care what your opinion is, if you give a shit about the truth then you need to keep track of one thing— your mind.

Otherwise known as your fool.

See, we’ve each got one and they’re only smooth and persuasive in our heads. Once you start logging the data (writing) you’ll be able to see them more clearly.

And clarity is what determines if you get better of them or not.

Don’t let be fooled by your fool.

“If you bring forth what is within you– what is within you will save you. IF you don’t, what is within will destroy you.”

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Maybe this is messed up, but it takes conflict for me to be clear headed. No idea why, but for whatever reason, when I see others delusional AF and fighting over nonsense– I snap into ruthless practicality.

It’s in these moments, when I should be in turmoil– that all I have is peak wisdom and understanding.

But I got it.

Even if only temporarily, I need this to stay with me.

I’m rich.

I’m rich with opportunity, health, and freedom. I’m rich with life. Yeah, I want a lot more of it– but it’s not a change thing at this point, it’s just scale.

My problem is I haven’t learned to enjoy it as I got it, and that’ll be a focus for this new year.

We have shit attitudes because we see things wrong. Like we’re wearing sunglasses indoors and then wonder why everything’s so dark??

It isn’t– you’re just the weirdo who never looks people in the eyes.

But if I really knew and embraced the fact that I’m dying, we all are, each day– and I kept that close with me, I’d play more often.

“Premeditation of death is premeditation of freedom… He who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave. Knowing how to die frees us from all subjection and constraint.” –Michel De Montaigne

Some of us are looking too far ahead– not into our reality, but fantasy. Forget purpose, pursue goals. Look around you, don’t miss this.

We’re born to a time, use and embrace it.

I’m done being the outcast, I don’t know about you but I’m ready to be a player.

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I didn’t know shit back then, and I plan on knowing even less moving forward.

Life doesn’t reward struggle.

Before you ready your comebacks, let me provide you some context.

Ever notice how the harder you try to fall asleep, the zombier you become? Or when you just “have to do something” you usually don’t.

That’s what I mean… the attitude of struggle is a pathetic one.

Do you have to work hard to hit your goals? Probably. But as soon as you do the “I’m so serious” thing and lose the play, it all becomes pointless.

Look, I’m writing this post pretty early– so if this turns into some 2am stoner talk, forgive me.

But the thing that instantly makes me a happier person who is excited about life– is the realization that everything that makes up my world is just perspective (change what you see and change your entire life).

What in the wiring of the human brain makes us think we understand the world?

We all went from filling diapers to khakis and somehow that’s given us all we need to know automatically… because we’ve been around our small familiar block.

You don’t know anything, and that’s the best reminder.

Our attitude is a habit. Our routines, how we approach environments, how we talk to people, sure theres some DNA in there, but for the most part it’s just a habit.

And we don’t think to change it because it’s so close to us.

I’m not telling you to do anything, because theres nothing to do. Just try to forget– if you can let go of your buttoned up, know-it-all approach to the world, you’ll be fluid enough for something new.

You’ll find a whole new life waiting for you.

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A lot of successful people sell the idea of “actualization” as something you can walk right into.

You’re likely familiar with their notion– imagine who you want to be, then act like it.

As your experimenting representative, of course I’ve already tried this method and want to share with you what I’ve found….

in short, it is total kaka.

Your ideal, perfect self, higher you, whatever you want to call it– isn’t something you walk into. Although we all have super powers of imagination– you can’t pretend your way into a new life.

BUT the law of attraction? I know.

Not saying you don’t have an ideal to reach–only that you can’t randomly masquerade as them. Because you don’t know them yet– you don’t know your potential.

So, the start of this isn’t make believe rather It’s something you communicate with.

It’s helpful to understand you are a multifaceted individual, with many different wants and needs– and sometimes those desires conflict.

So instead of imagining a bullshit higher self that you keep pretending to be– and fail to be, get to know the citizens of your city, because they are very real, and they’re with you every step of the way.

Your mind is comprised of all these citizens, all have wants and needs and dreams– the key is to find the north star. The one unifying belief they all share– the one goal they all need and agree on.

This resolves all conflict, and will move you forward.

I tried to be a person who doesn’t have internal storms– who isn’t moody. Because that was my ideal, but pretending only made the storms even worse. So not only do I despise advice of “aim for your ideal” but I stand against it because it doesn’t work.

The key here is leverage.

I can direct those storms, I can ride them and make something of them.

You have to find your Storm Drains– a place to channel your energies.

I’m learning to write every single time I go through it, this way I can empty my mind and create something from the chaos.

This is the key to actualization– it is using everything you have and are, because you have it for a reason.

Quit fighting it, channel it– direct it.

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How often do you talk to your twin?

I know, most of us don’t get along with family.

But you have to make peace with this one, because they’re conjoined with you at the brain– we’re talking about your twin. There’s the public YOU and the private YOU.

And even though twinzo’s private, they narrate every part of our stories.

So let’s talk about self-acceptance.

“Love thyself, accept your weirdness, your quirks make you who you are”– a lot of sweet nothings shoved down our brains in an attempt to convince us that theres nothing wrong with us.

meh.

As if settling automatically makes you love yourself.

See, your narrator won’t fall for what the public does, because unlike the public, they know everything about you, and they know when you lie.

I’m starting to see internal conflict as data, nothing personal, emotional, or negative. Where there is conflict, there is a need for resolution– and so, we should embrace all internal conflict.

It’s often subtle, and very hard to distinguish.

But you’ll know when there’s a problem with your twin.

For example– let’s say you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing. You have a career that’s solid, you’ve got hobbies you’re enjoying, and you’re steadily building your own project on the side.

Everything looks good– except, only you know, you’re miserable. Deep down, pissed off.

Instead of addressing it, you ignore it– because the realization that others who work harder than you have less fills you with massive guilt.

This creates a depressive spiral. And on-and-on it goes.

What creates this dissatisfaction?

And an even better question– who’s unhappy? You or your twin?

Sometimes you don’t want the same thing, and sometimes you do– it’s important to play for the same team if you’re going to get ahead.

Build a relationship with them.

My twin wants mastery, total submission to a skill, to be consumed by his own desire and direct that towards a singular purpose.

Me– I just want money and fame.

We clash over this every time. I just want to live a fun life, play, do cool shit– but twinster is intense, and needs much more.

Two people can’t drive one car, but they can agree on the destination.

Well, that’s what’s happening.

For the sake of keeping both parties happy, I’ve let go of some of my empty delusions to better my relationship with my twin.

I need him, and so, we’re working together.

Muay thai is for my twin. Writing is for my twin. When I’m alone and working– that’s for him. Because he has the intensity to focus.

When the time comes to step out and play– It’ll be me at the forefront.

Like it or not, we all have a twin.

So choose what you do wisely.

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If you’re one of those self improvement junkies, this’ll help you ease off the gas– what you’re doing is ultimately pointless.

Sure.

It might help, by a fraction of a fraction, to intermittent fast, cold shower, and meditate floating 3 inches above the ground having surrendered sugar, but understand that all of that is unnecessary if you don’t take action.

Action is the only requirement for success.

The universe plays no part in that equation, but the law of attraction is somehow still a better sell.

It’s weird how good we get at rationalizing. It’s easy to blame the wrong things in life, and then spend time trying to change them– to no avail.

Bedazzling a jewel on the center of your forehead won’t open that third eye, and those plugged up chakras can’t be helped.

There is no deserve, the affirmations aren’t needed, and you don’t have to feel good about what you’re doing. Might even be better to feel like shit– you’re a beginner, you’re supposed to feel incompetent.

We’re all looking way too into it.

You just have to act– even just a little, consistently, and then you’ll find yourself go from nothing to something.

Action makes us, not the other way around.

It’s weird realizing this, especially when you look around and see most people avoiding action– perpetually stuck in a state of getting ready to act.

Those that keep the same insane disciplines, succeed– and then repeat, they’re so tightly wound up they attribute all their success to cold showers and starvation.

Riiiiiight.

If that’s your thing have at it, but the reason some of these successful goo-roos want to live forever is because they don’t live at all.

“A well employed life brings a well employed death” -Da Vinci.

My point is this, don’t get all wound up preparing for success. Quit overthinking it.

It’s small action steps– for everything.

A better self, life, and career.

You don’t need anything else. Reading a gazillion books, buying nonstop courses, or searching for a mentor (might help but not necessary) all pointless.

Through action, we’re reborn.

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What are you saying– because the tongue goes where the mind is.

Pay attention to the things you say, to who you say them, how you say them.

Because like it or not, our word is our bond.

Our words reveal who we are and what we think of ourselves– that whole judge by the actions, sure it’s true but we’re not judging yet, we’re diagnosing…

…from tongue to mind.

So, what that mouth do?

Because only when you’re going off-script is when you’re really saying something, everything else is you blowing smoke.

You’ll notice the genre you talk about is always the same.

For some, it’s relationships, others ambitions, but it works the same– we show our values each time we communicate.

Why is this important?

If you want fulfillment you have to bridge the gap.

I was always ambitious– that’s a top value for me, but it took embarrassingly long to take action.

While I’d talk a big game, I had a hard time sticking– there was inner conflict.

That doesn’t change that the value is certainly ambition, but there was a mental block I had to work out.

There’s the point.

You know what you want– you talk about it all the time.

Even if you’re not specific, you know what’s important to you. The game you are playing is matching your internal world with your external.

Do that and you’ll have everything– fulfillment, success, awesomeness.

It starts with listening to what you say, then creating it. Don’t cheat yourself– because what you want is who you are.

We’re born to our desires.

Become authentic, create.

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There’s a dormant superpower in each of us, and while we may never be able to fly– this untapped potential allows us to rewrite many of the immutable laws that keep us stuck.

Let’s quickly talk about the game.

For most, it’s a 9-5. A family. Going from one thing to the next, sticking to a routine– a level of sameness.

We then find ourselves kinda floating– on autopilot, wondering why we’re unhappy.

“Familiarity breeds contempt.”

If you can’t change your world from the outside, try it from the in…

And this has been the most important realization. I can’t continue playing as this character, I need to upgrade.

I’m going to play this game different because it’s necessary. Because there is nothing that you can do, achieve, or have that suddenly makes life better.

You have to learn to love it. You have to practice life-ing. Fact is, most of us don’t know how to play this game.

We exist in it as background characters– our own movies, and we’re just going through the motions.

But passion isn’t something found– it’s brought, you have to bring it to the table. You have to bring that energy, that fire, that deep engagement.

Life is something created, but we waste time looking?

My challenge to you– try to imagine a better way to play. Whatever you come up with will be authentic and unique, because you came up with it.

What you imagine will be a reflection of what you need to bring out.

And let’s try to play as the main character.

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During our want-repreneurial phase, my best friend and I would often go to this same spot.

It was a park surrounded by ginormous mansions, where the further up you walked through it– the less it became a park and more a community.

Anyway, back in the day we’d come here and hash out our lives via shootin’ the shit. We’d talk about goals, dreams, wants and needs, and of course– present struggles.

If I’m being real, it was almost always struggles.

In the span of two years, we’ve gained nearly unrecognizable lives. So, I had the idea to go back to ol’ faithful– like reading an old journal that might embarrass you, and re-walk memory lane.

We get there and we’re immediately flooded with memories (like the childhood haircut variety)– reminders of the type of losers we were. This isn’t low self esteem talking, it’s just adolescence.

I honestly don’t understand what created that struggle and how I got stuck in that place?

If I had to make a guess– I’d say withdrawing from life led to an increasingly delusional mind.

I keep my journals, memories, and all my mistakes at the forefront of my mind. It isn’t to make me feel bad– it’s just data.

Anytime I withdraw from life and try to all-or-nothing my goals, I immediately shoot up on some depresso-espresso and become ultra delusional.

What created those shit years back then– was doing nothing.

Nothing is the worst thing you can do for yourself. I look back and laugh at the imbecile I was, we both were.

You’re not allowed to worry about goals and vision when you’re stuck. Your only job in that moment is to get to neutral.

Neutral is work. Progress. Daily movement.

It’s simple.

Life is momentum, and when we’re not moving– we drain our lives of lifeforce.

Keep your mistakes at the top of mind because then when you feel like slipping, you can stay strong and you won’t.

That’s why we all have a memory lane– it’s a benefit.

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I stopped caring about the outcome… now I’m free.

So, the thing that lifts misery is not giving a f**k.

Everything I ever did, considered, pondered, debated, and acted on– all of it was in the name of this vision I had for my life. I was Thanos-serious, even as a youngling. The irony is this vision sucked the joy from every moment—

Which explains the lameness, up until now.

I’m turning 27 soon, and ya boi is Benjamin Buttoning’ up his life. I’ve never been this fulfilled, and overall happy.

It’s not about settling– I’m after my goals, but I can honestly say how my life plays out doesn’t matter to me. The point is– I’m enjoying my movie.

I’m doing what I want to do, learning about and pursuing my interests, and pushing myself. My training is better than it’s ever been, my writing improving, and I’ve got a future I can see and build towards.

Outside of these things, I’m good. Nothing else is my business (not mine to worry about).

My life keeps getting better, because I’m getting better at playing.

If you’re reading this and your life is a booger bubble, here’s an ez-tip: Add one thing you enjoy or are genuinely curious about to your daily routine.

This will end up being that foundational habit– the one thing that kicks off everything. For me, it was muay thai.

I signed up on a whim since enough was enough, I always wanted to learn. Since then, it’s positively produced awesome outcomes in other areas.

You’re not too busy to start, starting is small.

Find the smallest step you can take towards an interest, and leap of faith it.

What have you always wanted to learn? The difference between those who piss away life and those who reach their dreams is starting. Do the smallest thing you can– start today.

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While dreams can inspire you– on their own, they are just…dreams.

The more you step away from reality and “dream” the more you’ll suffer. Any time I would think about my fantasy life– where I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and in this fiction world never deal with bullshit, I end up feeling depressed.

Unknowingly, I’m comparing my life to this unrealistic internal movie and the lack of resemblance makes me feel ungrateful for what I have.

On top of that, it creates this shitty habit where you’re always chasing a dream. And you keep creating new dreams (that you don’t really care about) to fantasize over.

These are cheap dreams (not goals, not rooted in reality, not attainable).

My minds default is to binge watch my own cheap dreams despite me knowing that fulfillment comes from WORK.

Not having 24/7 fun- having.

The spice of life isn’t experience or variety, it’s improvement.

It’s staying the course.

It’s seeing how good you can get.

And although I am often restless and sidestep passed happiness, fulfillment is something I’ve been familiarizing myself coincidentally.

Wanna live an actual awesome life? Dedicate yourself to living your life.

In our current time– there’s a lot of talk on reinvention. They say you can pick up these self-improving habits, tabula rasa yourself back to neutral and start from scratch, then emerge from your cocoon as this peak you…

But that’s not what reinvention is and that likely won’t happen.

Habits for the sake of improving are stupid. Number 1- they don’t address your specific issues, and 2– you won’t stick if you can’t make a lifestyle out of them.

Waste of time.

So, what’s reality planning?

Every goal you consider, needs to be based on where you are right now and where you can take that (your skills and personality) to maximize fulfillment.

I am restless, often struggle with commitment, and my imagination likes to take me through trips of fantasy.

These are default traits– and since they’ve f**ked up my life in the past, I know to anticipate them, plan for them, and even leverage them.

Success comes from authenticity. Authenticity comes from knowing yourself.

How can you channel imagination? This trait when acted on goals– ruins you. When leveraged through writing, makes you creative.

What you’re doing is taking a objective view of your strengths and weaknesses, and then building life around it.

I am who I am. That’s true for you too.

Pretending we can have some other persons goals doesn’t make any sense, since we’re likely very different.

That said, you can create a fulfilling life by working out your DNA and leveraging it.

Reality is more interesting than fantasy anyway, so lean in.

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