Tag: SelfHelp

I work remote, so it’s automatically a weird dynamic between my team and I.

Like any job, theres the awkward meetings, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and of course– the bullshit power games that accompany (pun intended) working for a company.

But the biggest lesson working here? Everyone think they’re smarter than they are.

It’s probably true for me too, but at least I’m aware of it.

These people would rather hide behind being smart and suffer, than risk looking dumb to get ahead.

If that wasn’t enough, they don’t want solutions. They just wanna gossip.

BUT what this all taught me about life is this— YOU’RE ALONE TO THE EXTENT YOU LIVE LIKE THIS.

They have walls up and mentally separate themselves from everyone else, then wonder why the hell they feel so terrible?

It’s gross.

If you think you’re above others– you’ll experience the lonely at the top phenomenon, but without actually reaching the top of anything.

To succeed, you have to be intensely present with your work and the people you work with.

Otherwise, you daydream most of your life away then wonder why your “smartness” never got you anywhere.

The only cure for EGO is skill. The only ingredient to a good life is AWARENESS.

–FOOL

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I think most of us will go through (and eventually grow out of) our self improvement discovery phase.

You probably have a friend like this now, or maybe you’re this friend— the annoying, always on a new habit, always experimenting with a new way of living, and ALWAYS sharing “the better way to do life” with everyone they know.

I was that friend.

I went through all the habits, but I cringe looking back at it now— because today, I couldn’t believe any of that shit if I wanted to.

It’s not that it doesn’t work, it’s just not necessary….. at all.

Most of us will try these things to unstuck ourselves, but once you do– you should only hang on to the habit(s) that apply to your specific weaknesses.

Taking a cold shower everyday might build discipline but it won’t help you start a business, that sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised.

Yesterday, someone sent me a cute questionnaire.

Talking about strengths, weaknesses, what my passions are, etc.

When you know yourself, you don’t need any of that shit.

It becomes flat, useless, dumb, completely unhelpful.

Because you went deep.

When you go all the way inside of yourself, no one can tell you shit. No test can type you and no mentor can really guide you.

You start to see yourself objectively, and then you alone can parent your inner child.

That’s the most valuable thing I got from failing and pissing away 6ish years of my 20s. Ultimately, I’m glad I did.

Most people don’t know themselves at all.

They can’t see reality and so whatever plans they do make for their lives, fail.

Just writing letters to yourself in a google doc daily, would replace the need for gurus, mentors, personality tests, career guidance, etc.

But most won’t.

I, on the other hand, highly recommend you do.

Prioritize becoming YOU > successful.

The irony is, that’s how you become the ultimate success.

–FOOL

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I’m getting into a long-distance relationship… with myself.

What I’ve learned is, while my gut reactions to certain subjects and events is always the same, my reaction time doesn’t have to be.

Regret is a fast follow up if you act without thinking.

So give yourself more time.

Taking a breath isn’t enough, leave the situation and look at it from the other persons point of view.

Do it actually.

Become them in this moment and see yourself as they do.

You’ll free yourself from that inner child that burns all your bridges and keeps you stuck in grade school.

We all have multiple sides to our personalities, for some it’s more extreme– but its the same task needing completion if you want a better life.

You have to become rational, more than you are.

You have to see what traps you fall for regularly, and figure out what causes them.

Then, rather than pretending them away, your awareness can stop you from being swallowed by your own inner toddler.

If you want to grow up into a better person, you have to take ownership of your kid (life, inner child, strengths, weaknesses, etc.).

–FOOL

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One of the harder and more bizarre things for my childhood self to accept was the concept of destiny.

I didn’t have hippy parents.

I wasn’t taught to believe those things.

But somehow I really believed, religiously.

I believed I was born for a very specific purpose– and that belief was in me for as long as I can remember.

That led to a counterintuitive approach…. I pretty much pissed away time by not experiencing life because it didn’t feel aligned with my purpose (which I still wasn’t sure what it was).

I did this for years– looking back, it’s still the most unimaginable thing to me.

It took anger and action to finally start achieving.

It took letting go of destiny, letting go of the idea that there is something specific, letting go of wanting to know– that’s when I finally started moving forward in my life.

I was angry I let myself be some bystander in my own life. When I acted, despite destiny, purpose, and whatever I thought my calling should be, only then did life start to get magical and I started to realize some of that magic.

My obsession was fulfillment, which translated to value.

How was my life going to contribute to this life?

If you’re in this place and looking to uncover your path I’ve got some advice:

First, forget planning it out. People stay stuck here because they’re planning for things they have no idea about– that never works.

Secondly, most the game will come down to attitude.

It actually starts here.

You have to maintain a spirit of excitement and embracing all challenges before you. YES, it’s hard AF to do this. I know.

But nihilists don’t have a purpose, they traded it to be the emo commentator of life (no slights intended, it coulda been me too).

The point is, you won’t find or create anything from the sidelines.

Before you can know or have an idea of what you’re meant to do– you have to step inside the arena.

Action first, then reflection, then adjust your course.

Move towards the things demanding your attention right now, see where forward leads you.

–FOOL

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Most of us treat our jobs like… jobs.

We show up, turn in what’s acceptable for the machine, leave, then do it again.

I used to think better to submit the crap work your boss wants– because firstly, that’s the standard the company is happy with, but also, now you can keep the genius projects for yourself and make something meaningful outside of work.

Truth is, if you don’t regularly practice genius, you won’t have any left for yourself.

People get stuck in life FOR THIS EXACT REASON.

They work jobs instead of Practicing Skill.

If we treated our role as if we were students, being graded each day, needing to graduate to the next year, we’d learn far more, become far more competent and valuable, and the biggest irony of all? We’d be way more fulfilled.

Just clocking in, leads to a life of clocking out.

If you want a good life, you don’t have to “save yourself” for success. It’s better you don’t since that rarely works.

You don’t have to know your next steps.

You just have to get better, but you can’t do that without an aim.

Pick something small, a goal, something that doesn’t depend on results but actions.

Rather than saying: I want a new job by X, try I’ll make a new resume this weekend. OR “I’ll submit this many apps” etc.

Focus on action and destiny will work itself out.

–FOOL

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I’ve never been hung up on “people.”

Luckily, out of all the problems I do have– my life bucket left out problems with them.

Occasionally, I do get pissed off and kinda dwell on the fact that some of my loved ones have become total idiots– the celebrity housewife kind. Which is sad to me, because they could have been smart.

But this isn’t about that— that doesn’t matter.

You can’t control others.

You can’t want things for them.

You don’t have a say in what people think and do… and shouldn’t want one.

All you can do is perfect your own action.

The sooner you accept and practice this, the lighter your life will be.

If you understand this, you will slide to the stop with grace while others fight and get stuck in the mud.

No one is talking to you.

No one is trying to insult you personally, even when they’re shouting in your face spitting inarticulate and incomplete thoughts and ideas that they’re hoping to find along the way but never do.

People are living in their own world.

Everyone is.

Know this, see how they see the world, borrow their vision in the moment– you don’t have to agree, in fact, better you don’t.

But see it.

And you’ll fly through life, convert haters to followers (without trying), and the only obstacle you’ll have left to conquer is the real one.

Let them get stuck, you’ll slide.

–FOOL

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Life is pretty much nothing like school– raising your hand and asking a stupid question doesn’t get ya points for mental attendance.

In fact, LIFE rewards behavior that got ya into parent teacher conferences and removed from fun Friday’s (not my trauma…).

In this way, success is counterintuitive because it demands bold action– and in your own name.

The things we used to be punished for, become the reasons we *could be* rewarded.

And this is something weird I’ve been noticing in my own life.

Despite how rude, dumb, inconsiderate, and childish I act– I’m climbing.

At first I was confused about it, why is it that I can say and do these things but others get in trouble for exhaling disappointment?

But it’s actually simple.

Besides being good at what I do (which you have to be before you can start having opinions) I’m going all out, and people know it.

EVERYONE wants someone who GOES ALL OUT.

None of us like a deadbeat part timer who half-asserys their entire life.

You want success? Stop treating it like a 9-5 or some school roll call. Find an environment that you feel aligns with what you want to be doing– and unleash your own potential.

Be a main character to live like one.

Your problem is you’re waiting to be discovered– maybe for the right opportunity to find and invite you to a more awesome life…. well, here’s the bad news for ya… no one invites the quiet kids. And it’s not because you’re an introvert, they genuinely didn’t notice you.

Want more than a bleak participation trophy and a part time existence?

You have to go all out.

That looks different for each of us, but a good way to start is by embracing the little things in your life.

Start small.

I hated all meetings at work, so I asked myself, “What would these look like if they were fun?”

I brought the fun.

Somehow meetings turned into opportunities which turned into slam dunk wins.

How would the person you want to be view your situation? PLAY AS THEM.

–FOOL

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I change my mind a lot.

I love something, then don’t.

I’m all in, then out.

I’m hot, then cold.

But there are things I can’t leave– and ironically, those are the things I’d like to.

This is what your path will look like.

It’s not how you imagine.

It’s not sheer joy, love, and ecstasy. Sometimes it could be, but most times it won’t be.

It’s just the thing you.can’t leave.

I’d like to focus on racking in more cash and just having fun, but can’t leave writing. Not even in my free time.

I have to stay the course because I’m now to the point where this, what I do, is who I am.

That’s how you’ll know whether or not you’re on your path. If you can’t leave it, stay.

If you can leave it, it was never the thing, so you should.

–FOOL

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If I could travel back in time and talk to dumbass me, I’d tell that idiot to stop looking for passion– because even if that concept is legit, it doesn’t apply to you.

“It aint that deep” would be the perfect title of my book.

I always thought my dreams and goals had to be something bigger than me, something I loved more than my own existence, something I could lose myself to.

As it turned out—- no.

Not even close.

In fact, the answer for me was very simple.

Work– in marketing as a writer, level up from there.

A piece of advice for you lost souls– if you “have” to find the right next step, you never will. Forcing action retards the mind and dulls the experience.

What you need is to fucking breathe, relax, and with a detached and objective mind, ask yourself where could I take my experiences next?

The work you can have fun doing is the answer.

Not the work you love more than yourself (might not even exist).

Not the work you feel called to do.

Not the work that doesn’t feel like work.

Just work on shit you can do, now, where you are.

Ta-da.

Life time mystery solved.

–FOOL

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You’ll never stop craving your vices, but when you have a solid plan– and a solid reason behind it, at least you won’t go off the rails and throw away that semi-functioning diet.

Thinking big is easy, working small is hard.

When you see time passing by and get that sinking feeling in your gut that everything is out of control and you have no idea what you’re doing with your life– it’s hard to lean into the present.

No one wants to think about today when they’re hoping for a better tomorrow.

But that’s the trap.

Thinking about and living in tomorrow is a guaranteed way to piss the present away (woah, poetic).

Point is, you need a plan.

You don’t need to know what you want to do, you need to know what you can do.

What’s acceptable for your life?

What makes a decent living?

Start there.

You need to make a choice, one that’s based on what you’re like not what you’d like.

What do you already know to do? Who could use this right now? Go there, and start.

–FOOL

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If being practical is harder for you than others, stay away from motivation and use negativity instead.

For myself, each time I pick and chase dreams based on “an ideal life” …I fail miserably.

And theres a reason for that, that isn’t magical or deep. I’m a big dreamer by nature, so if my instruction is to aim for the stars– I shoot past them.

I end up pursuing things that’d be fun to have not fun to do and that’s a big reason most people never achieve anything.

All the progress in my life came from the opposite of dreaming, it came from negative visualization (or alpha fears).

These are fears you have that are productive to think about because they keep you from making bad decisions.

My biggest alpha fear is being someone who doesn’t build and just has ideas– I’ve met people like that, similar personalities to my own, just significantly older…. and it’s cringy, on top of the fact that they aren’t successful, happy, or fulfilled.

Because that could easily be me, it scares me into instantly regaining focus.

You need the same.

Forget your dreams and use alpha fears to make life decisions.

What’s the scariest thing for you? Go deeper than failure, really think about it.

As for the backwards law part of the title, the harder you try the more miserable you become. Most of this game is about maintaining attitude, so do the things you’re doing in a relaxed state.

You may not want to and you may not feel like it, but manic energy will ruin you.

Relax and flow.

–FOOL

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I spit in the face of life, a lot.

Growing up, I’d say no to anything that wasn’t my own idea, want, wish, or interest.

Most the time I still think that’s the right way to live.

But adding in the occasional new experience does benefit your life, even the ones you don’t care to have.

I’m in an interesting spot right now.

I want to dump this intensity and focus into earning more money, bagging the toys I like, and stacking experiences.

At the same time, I prefer to do this with people I like.

I want to focus on making money so I can use it to make a life, but it isn’t the writing alone that’s made my life what it is. It’s working with certain people, making art.

One party made me realize that’s really all I want.

To make my own art and get paid for it.

This isn’t a useful blog– but it’s 6:30 in the morning and that party ended at 2.

Anyways, my point is don’t discount the spiritual value of your work. If something is play for you, you need to do it.

Play is the spice of life.

–FOOL

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It’s bizarre how years fly by– everyone says that but we don’t do anything about it.

I want some kind of (good) life insurance, that even if I hate everything I’m doing for the next 5-10 years, at least the time passing by is working FOR me and not against.

The only way to make time an asset and an ally is to build something that compounds.

You need your own project.

Whether that’s starting a youtube channel, writing a blog, practicing some skill, taking on new opportunities each weekend til something pops— movement is key.

The only rule is this: DONT let life pass by without you having something that grows while you sleep.

I know the bare minimum requirements for my life: How much money I need to make, what I’d be doing for a living, and how I live.

This went into my decision making for picking the right project.

I’m impatient.

But a project within my control, that I know will turn into something (not because I hope it does, but because I’m always chipping away and improving) brings me a ton of peace.

It’s easier to build when you know the thing you’re working on will help you in the future.

So, find something to easy, that you can start right now–right where you are, and begin.

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

–FOOL

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When you start becoming known for something among your people, you want to embody those characteristics even more.

People who fall in love with you are dangerous, for you.

I don’t mean romantically, friendships too.

When people start idolizing you, they project their fantasies onto you, they write off and explain away your weaknesses, they make you into something far more than you are, and worse of all– you’ll want to believe it.

If they catch you early enough in your becoming-who-you-are process, you will believe it.

I want to share exactly why this is a garbage way to live, but to do that– I need to give you specifics.

So let’s look at my life.

In my social group– these people have already made up their mind about me. Not just who I am today, they’ve decided they “know” who I always was. They think I’ve never been shy, always been full of myself, they think I’m smarter than most people and that people aren’t as “special” as I am.

They love who they think I am.

No matter what I say or do, this is the character they want to see– because it’s the mirror image they aspire for themselves.

Of course, I know the actual truth– being that, I too was once a lost melancholic depresso loser who couldn’t conquer basic responsibilities til his mid-to late 20s. I know this…. but they couldn’t comprehend it (despite me telling them).

THEY love me as a fantasy, as an escape.

Here is why this all matters for you.

People will always project onto you, good and bad traits, neither matter. You have to be resistant AF and reject all of it.

The only way to live an enjoyable life is to connect with your life, authentically.

The biggest danger is you start believing others surface definitions and the second you do— it’s a race to hitting rock bottom.

They’re bad for your ego. They’re bad for your soul.

Get rid of worshippers.

My close friends know I’m a dumbass. They know my flaws, weaknesses, strengths, principles, they know me as human.

If you can’t be a soul around another soul, what you have isn’t a real relationship. The point is this, whether negative or positive, only you should fill your own cup.

Decide what you stand for, and don’t let others define you.

Thinking you’re better than others leads to a pathetic and lonely life. Everyone has something, good and bad. Unique and common.

Join humanity, reject superiority.

This is how you live a well lived life.

–FOOL

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The most fulfilling experience you’ll ever have in your life is enjoying who you are.

Uncovering your uniqueness and practicing it, displaying it, not being afraid to present it– and fuck it if they judge— deciding not to care what anyone thinks, this is the greatest feeling one can have. But most people don’t have it…

The masses may not reward authenticity but the universe does.

When you stop worrying about others and focus on uncovering your own interests and quirks, you start to advance.

Everyone knows this, but they pick and choose where they apply it.

Take these alpha male and female gurus, they convince tons of people how to walk, talk, and act.

They teach the surface of success, not that those principles aren’t entirely true, but most of their followers end up looking the same…. which, how is copying alpha?

Here’s the ONLY way to live the movie you were born for:

FUCK WITH YOUR SHIT > anyone else’s.

If you’re gonna become anything, you need to be inner directed.

If you’re a certain way, then thats what you are. Fuck with it. Explore it, play with it. You can shape who you are– take the best of you and move forward with it.

But stop looking at others.

Everyone is nothing special.

Everyone is unique.

There, now you can go do your thing.

–FOOL

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You kickin’ the Donnie Darko thoughts?

Pretending not to see a giant prophesying rabbit isn’t going to make it all disappear— and honestly, the darkness brings you to light.

I did the meditating.

I did the law of attracting.

That stuff is bullshit because it asks you to surrender to the shittiness of life. I can accept that life has its up and downs, but I’m not smiling when you smear shit in my face.

You know what I hate most about the positive smily face thinking movements?

They make you delusional.

In reality, your dreams probably aren’t for you– THAT’S what makes them dreams. The things you can do on your own (THAT HAVE WORKED) are for you.

Look, would I love to be an a-list awesome possum super star? Sure, who wouldn’t. But I don’t waste time thinking about how I’d love that anymore.

My life got better when I started using negative visualization.

Sit there and imagine all the ways your dreams could go wrong? Look at all the wasted time in your past, all the shitty moments, and use that to get practical.

I did the LA film director thing– it fucking sucked.

That keeps me in the moment here, present with writing, and evolving. And you know what?

I’m more of a star here, right now, than I ever was shooting for space.

–FOOL

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A new career, better sense of self, fulfillment, or just some direction to take your life?

There’s no shortage of reasons for why people get into self improvement, but why do some stay, leave, excel, and fail?

No one’s reading the “I’m a special being” books for fun, let’s clear that up. Everyone in this group is broken somehow— I can say that, read all the books to back it.

You’re not looking to get better, you’re looking for you.

Here’s where it goes too far: You dive in, practice the habits, cold shower, fast, cut off loser friends, read an hour a day, workout, watch motivational videos, eat clean, then repeat.

Like a robot, you never miss this routine.

A year later, you’re shredded AF, look and feel amazing, maybe even have a better career— but… you still feel like shit.

Why?

The point wasn’t to stack up all those habits, the point was to figure out which ones were for you. That’s where most of us miss.

This movement turned into copy cat-ing your way into success. Monkey see, monkey do.

BUT the answer you were looking for is your own values, not theirs. YOUR VALUES might involve taking cold showers everyday, but most likely that ain’t doing shit for advancing your mental, spiritual, and financial life.

It’s simple.

When we embody our own values, we’re fulfilled, happier, more creative, and feel good. When we don’t— we’re joining self improvement groups, watching niche end of the world videos (and how to prepare), and disconnected from those around us.

Forget the books. It’s a good addition, but not the main focus.

Make a list of all the times you felt fulfilled.

Make a list of times you were irrationally angry for no reason– unpack this, is there a pattern, how often does it happen?

Your values are on the other side of these observations.

Once you have them, live them.

It’s that easy.

Do this and you can finally graduate from barnes and noble’s “fix my life” section.

–FOOL

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You’re right…

You’re not good enough, not as you are.

You’re moody, temperamental, unstable, reckless, and burn down more bridges than you cross.

Accepting that is important, but deciding to only see that– would create a person who regularly embodies those very traits.

This is your game.

Know your weaknesses, know your strengths.

AND really know them.

Why do you quit? What makes you withdraw? Who are you at your best? What’s the gap between best and worst you?

If you get to know all of this intimately well, you can fuse those traits together and embody something completely new and unique— it’s not artsy either.

You have to do this to succeed.

Your version took you as far as it’s going to.

Take your ingredients, but make a new recipe. Be something entirely new. Success will follow.

–FOOL

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It doesn’t take long after meeting me to know I love studying human nature.

Couldn’t tell ya why, I just think it’s cool af.

One of the things I’ve come to understand in the last 5 years of studying all the things that make us who we are is— we’re really only here for one reason: to experience ourselves play out life.

We’re all characters, our genres are something we’re born to, and how the movie plays out, the ending, the experiences, that’s all tied to the script we decide to write.

Oftentimes, we try to change things out of our control and then assume change is completely useless… when we didn’t aim at the right thing.

This is why it’s so important to follow yourself.

You rob your own story, your own journey, listening and following the advice of others. It’s not because they’re wrong, they could even be right, the point is it has to be you.

You have to move freely to experience what you could become.

So, where do you want to go?

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This post is selfish.

I wanna write something to myself and for myself, and rather than writing a secret journal than coming here to post the bullshit bits and pieces, I’m gonna go straight into it.

I have a storm– but not the kind your rebellious teenager has.

I have this thing where my mind pivots hard, colors everything darker, does it so fast in the middle of the most random time, where all of a sudden I’m then compelled to throw away all my progress.

This is not new for me, I’ve lived with this and like this since I’ve been me— it’s the same old, same me.

The heartbreaking part is I always thought certain elements would wipe it away, such as having success.

Not only has that been proven wrong, but fuck success, NOT EVEN passion stops your storms. It turns out, theres absolutely nothing that turns it off.

Working out helps. Being active helps. Writing helps. Meditating helps.

Everything helps, but nothing fixes.

If I’m tired, it’s worse.

If I’m exhausted, it takes over.

Makes me shitty to be around and makes me shitty.

I know better than to make decisions during this weather but can’t help considering those options– it is a very persuasive voice.

Sometimes it feels like I’m two different people. There’s the me everyone loves, including myself. Then there’s whatever I’m left with….whatever this is.

I’ve introspected, reflected, read, and done all the research I can for figuring out how to use it, to live and work with it, and here’s what I’ve learned.

This part of you is more real than anything else.

This is your watcher– it’s who decides your values, who judges you and others, who determines what you’ll do next. Separating yourself from this is ineffective, and makes the relationship more violent.

The only thing to do is work with this voice.

So, then: What does it want?

What do you want?

To surface.

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