Tag: #findingyourwhy

Maybe you’re not afraid of failure, but that doesn’t automatically clear you.

Supposedly, there is a second variety of resistance– those afraid of success.

Even as I write that, I’m not so sure I believe in the concept. Afraid of success? Maybe it’s the verbiage I hate.

You and I both know if given the option on a multiple choice quiz, most people check off the “make my dreams a reality” box.

Maybe that just means we want our fears… who knows, but enough with the Freud, here’s what I’ve learned.

I’ve had this quirk in my character/brain/personality since I can remember. Anytime I start to get what I want, I wanna leave it completely.

Dreams, Goals, everything.

As soon as it’s mine, I don’t like it anymore.

Here’s where your second hand wisdom comes: It doesn’t matter how you feel about something or how it’s changed if you decided that’s what you want.

If I decide I want to be someone, the kind of person who does certain things, I have to make peace with that feeling and move forward despite it.

Your dreams have to be logical, but your methods– psychological.

Sound like just words? Let me explain.

You won’t accomplish anything if it isn’t practical. Everything you pursue needs to consider who you are as a person, that’s how you increase your chances of success.

As you progress, the only way to evolve through the trials and tribulations of dream chasing is psychology. You have to know yourself and what makes you tick.

And use that against yourself, positively.

I know I’ll always have the urge to withdraw, and I know what causes that urge to arise –so I know what I have to do when I feel it.

I treat it as a symptom and carry on through it.

The point is this, pick a dream you want practically. That way when the passion runs out, you’ll still want it and be able to pursue it.

That’s key.

—FOOL

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After you kill your dreams, you’re free to live.

When it comes to dreams and the pursuit of happiness, I disagree with most people. Unlike the gurus of ambition and anti-mediocrity— I don’t think you should follow your dreams.

Here’s why:

For something to be a dream, it means you don’t live with it. When you’re awake, you don’t work on it– and forget action, most don’t even study the thing.

So why do we hold on?

Simple.

It keeps us from feeling like nothing. If we don’t let go at least we have something, so we think.

But saving yourself for marriage is the quickest way to never score a first date.

DON’T DREAM.

If you’re going to follow anything it should be the present.

I climbed out when I leaned in.

I spent my entire childhood and early 20s dreaming— and did I accomplish anything remotely related? NOOOOPE.

Instead, I just lingered about.

Floating on “stuck mode.”

It wasn’t until I saw my present, my current reality, that I woke up and realized I’m rotting away for some fantasy that in all likelihood may never happen.

Forget your dreams to achieve them.

This is the most bizarre law of getting shit done, but it works. If you let go of the things you think you want, all you’ll be left with is the present, all you’ll have is focus,

And it takes focus to change your life.

Want to live better, be born again, have a do over?

Find purpose in the present.

LIVE like you have to impact everyone around you. Live like you’re going to die and so is everyone else, but you’re the only one who knows it.

LIVE without restriction.

–FOOL

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I ditched you for another woman, but I promise… I was still thinking of you.

It’s been a while since I last posted here and that’s because my life got awesome, and fast.

In the span of a month, I manifested EXACTLY what I wanted, and friends… guess what happened after that?

It became a regular job, just like everything else.

I was a little down learning that.

I always thought once you get “the thing” your life is pretty much made.

I was wrong.

What it did do was bring out more of who I am to the surface.

My passion got me aggressive, ungrateful, and more delusional— and I loved EVERY SECOND OF IT.

That’s what I’ve always craved and now? I’m gonna double down on it.

If you’re the humanitarian type and you worry for this internet pen pals health–know this, I started meditating, audio-booking mental health, and trying to calm down (just a little).

But enough about me, here’s what I want to share with you:

Pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional.

Who would you be without the thoughts of hating your life?

Seriously consider that, because the patterns of success, at least for myself, seem to be that when I accept my current reality and embrace it, I get what I want.

We’re here.

We’d rather be elsewhere but theres no where else to go.

So change how you experience it, by choosing to.

I’ll try not to be so much of a stranger,

—fool

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Everyone has that voice in their head— and we all know what it’s like to not be on the same page.

There’s what you want, what that voice allows, and then there’s your player (your best presentation).

Everyones life is a game of musical chairs, where each of us, in different moments, change seats.

Sometimes the watcher sits upfront.

In these moments, you’re not all there.

You sort of clock-in and clock-out –You don’t really hear anything, the things you say don’t mean much, everything is passive.

Let watcher sit there too long, and your life will literally pass you by.

The Player is your game face.

This is you in the zone, all in, no internal storm, monologue, or voices haunting your halls.

It’s fun here.

Most of us wish we could stay living from the best parts of us, and I don’t just mean projecting positivity. I mean subtracting darkness.

Thing is, you’re the combination of all of your voices and the changing settings require changing seats.

When you’re creating, the watcher has insights, untapped potential, transformative energy,

When you’re out living life, the player is who will give you that life you dream about. This is the person who says yes to adventure, flows, is witty and spontaneous, this is your movie star. You need them in the hot seat when you’re doing anything new, when you’re afraid.

But where does that leave you?

You’re the Decider.

It’s up to you to know when to change seats.

It doesn’t matter whether one wants to leave or not, whether one wants to play or not. YOU– the decider, writes your story.

And your awareness of these drivers is what will help you go where you need to go.

So, keep deciding.

Keep changing seats.

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I’ve got a lot of flaws.

I’m restless, moody, overly aggressive, have ultra high highs followed by crash-&-burn lows, but honestly, I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.

The whole time I passed the time trying to figure out what the hell I’d do with my life, I worked on my insides.

Who am I? What am I ashamed of? What moves me?

Instead of stuffing all that away, I brought it to surface. I incorporated my repressed traits, and then– I started getting the life I wanted.

You wouldn’t have to try to be anything if you just were, that might sound wokey– but it’s key.

All the things I wanted to be, I became, without trying, the second I accepted and embraced all of me (insides and out, shadow and persona).

And now?

I’ve started to do the work I LOVE, the work that lights my spirit, play.

Those events just unfolded right before me, completely in my favor, when I was ready. I became the person who can do those things– and now they’re here.

That is my advice to you.

You’ll be tempted to look outward instead. What job do I want next? What do I do? How?

Fuck all that.

It’s counterintuitive BUT go inside.

RECONNECT to who you are. Start writing to yourself or talking, and instead of forcing questions like “Hey me, what do you want” (because that never works), just look. Look at how you look.

How do others see you, try to imagine it.

What do they experience?

Both sides.

Your fans and haters.

And don’t judge.

You’re lucky to be you, embrace it.

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It’s weird seeing someone you used to like, someone who was always a freethinker, get consumed by conspiracy.

Yeah, Yeah— “There’s truth to conspiracy”

I mean they’re angry 24/7 and everything they consume and share is around all of us being controlled.

This might look extreme to you, maybe you even think it’d never happen to you, but we’re all vulnerable to it.

It doesn’t start by you researching conspiracies, it starts the opposite way.

People are driven mad– they land on extreme ideas running away from an extreme side.

Take the political left for example, their ideas are so progressive, they’ll drive all the angry young people to the right (most of which would never line up right and don’t belong there).

The people who otherwise belong left, now– leaving because no one can see middle.

This happens with everything.

People “choose” based on what they wouldn’t like.

It’s like the lesser evil bullshit.

Do this, and you’ll ironically experience the exact same control you feared– just from the disguise of a tribe you thought you chose.

There are no sides.

Theres no where to run or go to.

Don’t let your hate for one run you into another.

That’s the challenge with being an individual, everyone wants your attendance. But you have to protect yourself, and protect your independent thinking.

That’s the way of fool.

Don’t pick a side.

Don’t repress yourself.

Express all of your character fully, find channels, but never let others decide what and who you should be.

–FOOL

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Unpopular opinion incoming: 

Dreams are for virtual reality players… 

LOSERS. 

Assuming you’re not a complete screw up, you can look back at any given moment in your life and find some successes—- any type of successes (school, worky-work, that weird baking competition among members of your neighborhood, etc.).  

Point is, everyone has times where they got exactly what they wanted BUT few ever get what they dream of.   

Time travel back to some of your cherished wins, and really look at them– be objective. What made those things come true? Why didn’t the dream continue— why didn’t you keep on winning after it all?  

I have this theory, backed by nothing other than my high self-opinion, that DREAMS are something sold to us to keep us sleeping. 

Let me explain. 

Wanting more is a good thing. Desire is a good thing. Goals, great! 

But dreaming removes you from reality, and the people who make things happen only do so by being ruthlessly connected to reality. 

The more you walk in illusion, the deeper you sleep.  

Those stupid positive thinking youtube videos always tell you, if you can dream it– you can achieve it. Well, if that were true, why is every internet witch broke? 

Why are wokies brokies? 

Because it’s a lie. 

Seemingly everywhere— you’re told, “DREAM BIG.” 

AND you don’t need me to fill this part in… goes something like: “See it, believe it, achieve it” some variation of that garbage…  

But If you read about the greats, any of them, literally any one of them– You’ll find a common pattern emerging, all were ruthlessly practical.   

They knew who they were, what they’re like, what they’re good at, what & who they’re not AND DREAMS aren’t synonymous with self awareness.   

In fact, they’re almost always directly opposite. 

If you want to live the dream life, you don’t need to dream bigger or harder– YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. 

Dreams are products. 

The easiest to sell since you don’t need to convince anyone— everyone wants to believe they’re special but the people who make it know they’re not. 

I ONLY ever saw success when I chased improvement, not dreams— REALITY.

I woke up and realized I’m being a loser and I need to change.

You can easily be nothing.

You start as nothing. 

Whether you end that way is up to you. 

You can easily think you’re good as you are, but the second you accept yourself as special and perfect— is the exact moment you cut the fate yarn string and sit in failure.

If you want anything meaningful, set your alarm. 

Wake up to break the sandman’s spell because only then can you do something in this world.  

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The only principle I find myself sticking to as I get older is this:

I don’t care.

Sounds lazy, but no conspiracy theory could be a bigger lie.

Caring is suffering, and suffering is stupid. Life is what it is and the things that happen, they just do.

Then come along all these pretentious, entitled, ultra serious, posers who think getting offended and taking a stand (figuratively, as they’re almost always out of shape) will make a difference… that–that will make change?

Buncha zeros added still equals zero.

Back to not caring.

It’s liberating.

Think about the business you didn’t start, the person you didn’t ask out, the opportunity you didn’t take— trace em’ all back and you’ll find a silver lining, and not the stress strand on your head.

They all go back to caring.

You care what others think, what they’ll say, what might happen, how it’ll look.

We all start like this, it’s biology, it’s our inherited tribalism group-orientation.

But to do anything, you have to STOP caring.

Otherwise the crowd will consume you.

We post our best selves online, share only the highlight reels, hide and suppress our insecurities and live as poster child— fake versions of our fake images. Everyone does it, and so, ironically, no one gets what they want:

To be noticed.

Well, Idgaf anymore.

There’s the life I want to live and then theres the fake distractions competing for my time and energy.

Well, I’ve only grown happier since letting go.

So, who cares– I don’t.

I just want to make what I want to make and live how I want to live.

Everything else, not my problem.

–FOOL

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FOOLS, 

I went too far. 

Recently, and by recently— I mean this morning, my shower was interrupted by one of those “fix your life” thoughts. Rather than race to dry off like I normally do, I just sat there contemplating it all (besides, If it’s actually worthy I’ll remember it later…). 

How many of you practice Stoicism? 

“Not Caring” is and has always been the go-to prescription for most peoples miserable lives–and it makes sense.  

If you walk around “caring” about everything going on in the world, you’re going to suffer. 

It takes a lot of commitment to care.  

And there’s too many things to care about.  

Your levels of happiness come from where you fall on this figurative scale:  

0= IDGAF

10= This is my braveheart-die-a-hero, hill

When I was a little dweeblet, I overly cared. I’d worry about all the things that could go wrong and try to prevent them, control them, manipulate them. So I suffered a lot— always on edge, nervous, overthinking, always in a hurry and never relaxed. 

As life chafed me by, I got tired of living like that. 

There’s too many other things to care about, AND what? You’re going to walk around taking on ALL of the world’s burdens?! 

So then came my second metamorphosis: 

The modern pseudo-stoic.  

Using the scale above, I probably dropped from like a 9.5 to a 5.8. Big dip for me. 

And yeah, just like that my anxiety was nearly gone, I was bolder, freer, and just more in the moment than usual.  

BUT nothing in life stays still, and neither did my place on the scale. If you’re a fake stoic, which I was, Not Giving a PHUCK easily turns into Nihilism. 

And it did. 

Now you’re just empty, thinking everything is for nothing, and uninspired.

Bigger loser shit than overly caring. 

YOU HAVE TO CARE, but about very select things.

I know theres a book on this, but I didn’t read it.

Having a goal, a mission, a belief you’re really about is fulfilling. It brings massive purpose and meaning to your life.

You should CARE deeply about something real to who you are, and for everything else out of your control– that’s where you say fuck it.

So with that, #FOOLFWD

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This exercise was randomly invented by a friend and I, debating existence. We’re twin idiots since we make the same mistakes– so what started as play, ended insightful.  

First question: 

If your finished book (written by God, Universe, whatever you believe in) fell from the sky, would you read it? 

By finished, I mean this book shows you how your ENTIRE life will play out immediately, from the moment you start reading it.  

You can’t change anything. 

All the pain to come, progress, bad/good decisions, heartbreak– fated. 

That said, our answer? 

“Skip to chapter: intercepting this book.”

My rationale is if it ends badly, I’ll find more peace and joy out of every moment–even the boring ones, and If it ends successfully, same effect only more joy. 

Here’s where it turned insightful.  

I then asked my friend, hypothetically, “if your book did end badly, why and how did it?” This forced both my friend and I to look at ourselves honestly and consider what we’re doing right now. 

Almost instantly he rattled off a lot of what we’re doing… right now.  

Not a whole lot of reasons for success… BUT tons for the alternative. 

And the same was true for me. 

Now, we flip the coin. 

If it ended successfully, why and how? 

And Fools, whatever that answer is– is what you should focus on. 

–Another Mad FOOL

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How’d you Tee off your future?

My senior year was fucking awesome, but why?

Going into it, I knew I was leaving.

This was temporary.

Prior to that I was a loser-take-everything-serious kinda kid–like those depressed melancholy artists except I never made shit.

Because of that, I wanted to have fun for once. I wanted to taste MORE life, do bold shit, live recklessly.

Why not?

It is your final year after all.

So just like that, from day 1, from the start, I BECAME THAT PERSON.

And surprise surprise, life matched me.

What I put out, I got back.

And to this day, I CONSIDER THAT YEAR MY FIRST.

That’s the philosophy of Maddfool.

To live as if this is it. This is all we have and it’s all coming to an end–because it is.

It ain’t easy.

You’re up against it.

Every single side today will fuck you out of joy. The Left, Right, Men, Women, and the Undecided, follow any of these groups and its just some negative bullshit on how the world is fucked and you’re not good enough.

My advice, fuck em.

They’re not going anywhere.

And I’m not consuming that stupid shit.

There’s a movie to make, YOUR MOVIE. And you’ll either star in it or be one of those angry extras who never gets any screen time.

Your choice.

–FOOL

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People of power understand some things common folk just don’t, and that is “appearances are everything.”

Read about any of the greats from Julius Ceasar to George Sand, neither try to get the bag by being real.

Authenticity does feel good, but it’s ultimately boring so if you have goals, leave that shit for close friends.

I don’t think acting is fake, actually– I think it’s peak you.

We all play into characteristics we already have, the key is knowing how to bring your most interesting insides out.

Most of “making it” is just being bold enough to step on stage and audition. The majority of people won’t speak up, out, command presence– instead, they hide.

They lay low.

And then they’re somehow surprised they live a lame life.

If you have any goals, being that “guy or girl”, that popular joy to be around type person WILL only help.

And it’s funny, because the more you play it the less it’s acting.

We all want a break from the tiredness of being what we are, realize no ones holding you down. No ones forcing your role.

Reject your past and recreate a better character.

Let out your boldest insides.

Step on stage.

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Despite how many of these celebrities, entrepreneurs, and successful people spew the “follow your passion” advice, it’s still underrated.

I used to think it was money and fame.

That it’d be that combination key to unlock the dream life… I was half right.

Without something meaningful– life is void of LIFE (excitement, play, love, fulfillment).

The challenge is finding it, and the search alone can drive you mad. Which is why you need to maintain the right mindset in your search.

And that mindset is one of play.

As soon as you get serious– you’ll start to feel a little tension, and that’ll invite desperate energy which will have you copying others, trying to force something to be a passion that isn’t.

If I’ve learned anything from what worked for me (and I tried it all), it’s this: You don’t need to go anywhere. You don’t need to read books, or meditate/journal.

All you need to do is watch yourself.

What excites you?

Take on different jobs– work is the best way to find it. Explore. Try shit. The only way to lose is to judge yourself.

Be curious about the things that make you–you.

And like that, you’ll move towards it.

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In this incarnation, you’ll face many difficulties.

For starters, you have the recurring final bosses– maintaining your health, shelter, social life, and all the good stuff that comes with biological maintenance.

Hard ’nuff.

Added to that, is now the peasants, peons, & peanut-brained imbeciles who want to take what you’ve got from you.

You know it’s bad, but what are you supposed to do about it?

People lose their careers for opinions, get canceled for thinking, and are told what vitamins to take daily if they want to participate in looney tunes— and they don’t want to, but living off grid isn’t reasonable.

You’re not wrong, the world is as it was, a shitshow.

That said, universal truth is the only thing that remains when chaos does its work and grants another clean slate.

So, What is true?

You are an individual.

But YOU CAN SELL THAT SOUL.

Join a group, repeat their twisted mantras and affirmations and out of nowhere, that once rich internal landscape is now… barren, void, and filled with your regimes cup.

I don’t give af what side you’re on– left, right, up, down, the price of entry is individuality. I don’t think people are aware of what that means.

If you like being an empty nihilistic bot who can’t see nuance, disregard this post and this site, and leave.

For those of you chasing fulfillment, let me share where I believe it comes from: Individuation.

That means to become what one is.

An individual.

Groups hate individuals, a group can’t function if it has freethinkers constantly checking its bullshit fucked up ideas.

But going solo is lonely, so most people sacrifice some of themselves to join a “community.”

Well, don’t– it’s never worth it.

What you have is changing constantly. Today you have less, tomorrow more, and so it goes for life.

But who you are is who you are, that should be protected at all costs.

MY answer to living in a mad world, is to be a practitioner of aggressive individuality.

BE WHO YOU ARE and reject everything else, ALL OF IT.

–FOOL

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Bold statement incoming.

The absolute surest way to waste, wither, and deplete what’s left of your life is dreaming.

Counter intuitive?

Well, dreamers are people who never do shit, and that whole, “it started with a dream” …for most people that’s how it ends.

Just about everything you can think of has become fetishized in some way. Law of attraction, positive thinking, affirmations, you name it– its probably got a best selling book on it somewhere.

Looks like the magical philosophies are more fun to mentally masturbate to.

No one wants the practical go and get it advice, so when Jordan Peterson says we need our fathers, most people don’t wanna hear that shit.

It’s more fun to believe we’re the handsomest and prettiest and smarterests our mommies tell us we are.

They might not tell your mom you’re an ugly ass disgusting infant, but wait long enough and you’ll figure it out.

It’s true, we need our dads– belts in hand to whip the bitch out of us.

And in this literal and metaphorical analogy, think of Mom as potential and Dad as reality. Sure, you’ve got potential… somewhere… maybe.

But the only way to become anything, to become whatever is inside of you is to SUBMIT to reality.

You have to let go of your fantasies.

STOP DREAMING.

Put some restraints on your life, thats how to get somewhere.

—FOOL

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