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Month: October 2021

“The Problem Is Not The Problem…”

…The problem is your attitude of the problem.” –Cap. Jack Sparrow

If you need the commercial breaks during your movie, you’re doing it wrong.

Ever have those days where everything is clear? You feel good, you only see the positive, and even though it doesn’t last, all you feel is gratitude for the life you have?

I wish I could lock these in, keep them on repeat, and live the rest of my life like this.

These never last long, but during– I can see clearly, I’m optimistic, happy to be alive, and filled with gratitude.

During these commercials, I’m in the best possible mood. If I could stay in that mind, I’d have the exact life I’d always wanted.

All moods are temporary, but somehow this one is the commercial break. My movie is the “Everything is fucked” genre.

But I’m changing that.

Yesterday I saw a commercial that stuck with me. Not a literal Ad, but a brief moment of wisdom coming over you as you drive passed the in-n-out burger.

Boredom is a luxury.

And– you have no real problems.

That voice, the actual voice of reason, common sense— finally spoke loud enough for me to hear and I was instantly lifted into a good mood.

The truth is, you practice suffering all the time. You have no chill. Even with all the journaling, and self-recording, you still didn’t see it.

Your mind just creates problems– straw-men. None of which are real.

You’ve practiced misery so much and being unhappy, that now with all this opportunity, you’re not sure how to handle it. Well I’ll tell you– lighten up.

It is that simple.

Feeling excited about life, and playful towards it is how I want to play this game. So, my focus is a positive, playful, and expansive mindset. Real success is keeping the right frame of mind, that’s what I’ll be doing.

That’s my challenge to you– can you play where you are?

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In-front & Beyond: Let Interest Guide Your Development


If you don’t have passion, find your interests.

We always skip ahead to what comes after the equals sign, the solution. You need the equation too– otherwise all you did was breeze passed your entire life.

Interest is a lot easier to track.

And can be found via logging your attention. What type of content do you consume? When you’re not vegging on the couch– what do you do in your free time? What do you read about? What section do you naturally roam towards in the bookstore?

Everything is telling, but not everything is important.

Your brain naturally pulls you towards the tools that will develop you most, but this part is instinctive. In other words, we can intellectualize our way out of it and often do– by copying or listening to others.

But the weirdest thing about the brain is that it already has the instructions it needs. The problem is if you overthink it you’ll miss it.

You have to do this casually.

You have to watch and be curious.

What do you obsess about? Don’t force it, explore it.

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All of My Success Came From Talking To Myself… and still

I’ve been ducking pursuing my actual dream for awhile now… YEARS.

Nonstop flip-flopping around the idea that it just wasn’t good enough for me.

I wanted it to be bigger, and at the same time I kept trying to convince myself that this particular dream wasn’t a good fit for my character.

Sure… it’s definitely not fear

Buzz and Woody (Toy Story) Meme meme

I looked at others who had it– and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself, which to me they often did.

But Yesterday I started.

What finally pushed me over? Compound interest on self awareness. My problem was I kept comparing myself and my path to others. I’d look at them and think: I want something better, I don’t want to look like that, my title should be cooler, I’m too clever for that, etc.

This line of thinking can only ever lead to one thing: Broke. Broke and alone on your loser ass.

I was playing status games.

A very dumb way of thinking…. and penniless.

But that’s what I was on.

Looking back– I can see what kept me stuck. It was never a lack of skill or direction, but just a bad mindset. I kept throwing away momentum because I kept cheating with ideas of something else– of being someone else.

Withdrawing from my own path undermined my progress.

The combination of journaling, a daily blog, and then a private video diary series led to overcoming my inner conflict. It led me to want to explore myself and to stop playing this stupid compare and contrast game.

It’s crazy how much that was responsible for not being able to create.

The life I wanted demanded authenticity, and without knowing it, I wasn’t.

I couldn’t honor who I was because I kept judging it.

Until now.

If you’re not happy with yourself, it’s because you don’t understand yourself. We all suck, and we’re all awesome. Understanding yourself and cutting yourself slack like you would a different person is what it takes for a fulfilling life.

Whether through writing, voice recording, or private videos to self— start talking to yourself.

Seeing yourself and building the connection is what leads to having empathy and understanding. It helps you stop taking yourself and everything so seriously and it will be what gets you over your own hurdles.

Make the call, and finally start ☎️

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Like Water, But I Live in the Desert🏜

Is there an actual time where it’s not advantageous to be fluid and adaptable? How about your values, softy?

Right now, you’re living through the internet age– and we could make the argument that in some ways, the internet is MORE real than real life.

I mean, careers moved over to the digital world, opportunities are seized there, and if you don’t have an online chemtrail you basically don’t exist.

This is a good thing— well, unless you prefer staying an outsider, dropped off-grid, who camps in the woods and is anti-technology. Nothing wrong with that by the way, just not me.

The opportunity for you is insane…. but you do have the obvious obstacle– we’re human beings.

We want what we want, and oftentimes what we want is stupid.

And that brings me to the point of this post and a hard truth about the universe: Change is the Law.

People are adaptable in the wrong places– and inauthentic in assbackwards ways. You’ve heard the “Be Like Water” from Bruce Lee?

The idea is basically to take no shape so you’re fluid and ready for anything.

But— Success on the internet is determined by authenticity– shape.

That’s where people get weird. They “Like Water” their values and opinions, but hold on to dead dreams.

A formula for failure, and likely depression.

Success comes from authenticity. You are a thing– you were born to this thing. You’ve got quirks, traits, unique experiences, and looking outward trying to destiny steal someone else’s path is peak failure.

If you’re inspired by someone, that doesn’t mean you should go do what they do.

In short, be fluid and adaptable when you are problem solving. When you’re being creative, open your mind to possibility.

But when it comes to goals, success, and this internet thing– there’s only one way to succeed: Be the ruthless individual you are.

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Your Bathrobe Doesn’t Make You Look Distinguished…

A couple of bumper-sticker self help books and a half decent online presence, and suddenly our leaderless generation knights a gurus opinion as “knowledge.”

Do yourself a favor– hop of their bathrobe.

We’re living in this weird information- fetishized time, where having someone to deify and follow is considered self improvement.

Here’s a hard truth: That successful person you look up to is an idiot. The same kind of idiot as the rest of us.

Everyone is guessing.

It’s weird to me, and by weird I mean gross, that our youth thinks Billie Eilish is so deep and profound espousing common sense shit, like: Nothing matters, because we’re all gonna die.

Did you not know that til yesterday?

Man, we’re living in an awesome time but at the same time… yikes. They say we’re in the crysis generation, I could see that.

Nothing against Billie, no one has your answers. Replace her with your favorite writer– Stephen King sounds like a politician on twitter. I didn’t follow him for his horror fantasy opinions about the world.

Everyone has an angle, and if you have any micro-success– your opinion is propelled to some validity.

If I was a successful track star but didn’t believe in a round earth– would you listen? Sounds extreme, but that’s what we’re all doing.

You have authors literally telling you not to know yourself– and why? So we can keep following them and buying their dumbass cheap books.

It’s all true.

Friends, our war is a spiritual one.

And guru’s can only stay relevant if you stay conflicted.

But there is some good news and it’s this: You can and should be your own guru.

Only you can figure out yourself and your life. No one told you, but you’re a one-time genetic phenomenon and your biological cocktail will never happen again. So, it’s up to you to discover yourself.

Take the reins of your life and follow you.

You don’t have to lead the free world or invent new rockets, just get to know yourself.

#EveryoneHasaBathrobe

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Don’t just stand in line, use the back door🚪

I’m a firm believer of adapting with the times, and a lot of us have dated dreams.

There are so many crazy awesome opportunities out right now, but we stay focused on our narrow ideas of success.

Change is the law.

If you wanted to be in the entertainment industry back in the day, you’d either move to Hollywood or New York and struggle bus your way into it…. or never make it.

You’d work nights so you could go to auditions during the day, try to get an agent, live in a shitty apartment, and hope it doesn’t take 10 years— after that, the market has spoken.

That was the price, and that’s what you had to do.

But imagine doing the same thing today?

Despite all the tools and unique advantages provided by the times?

In general, there are 3 ways to get “inside” the dream life.

The front line, bribing someone, or the back door (this is not my idea, also I’m paraphrasing it).

The problem with the front line is it’s long as shit, everyone goes there, and your odds of being noticed aren’t great. Even if you make it to the door– you’re just another person in line, nothing impressive. Bribing? Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. But do you want to depend on someone being in a good enough mood to help you out?

Then theres the best bet, the backdoor.

This could look like skipping the front, surveying the territory, crawling through a back window to get inside and helping the kitchen staff.

Or for the entertainment industry example, this could look like building an online presence– where your audience doesn’t even really know you because each time you’re showing different sides of yourself (acting). Then having built up a following, that link is shared to old hollyweird.

Idk.

Point is, don’t just go wait in line.

Whatever your dream, use the backdoor.

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Opinionated Talking Mirror🪞

How familiar are you with your insides?

You know some of your thoughts, but theres an argument to be made for inside you being an entirely different person. For some of us anyway.

To the extent we unify our in-n-out, that is what determines our fulfillment.

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could see the inside, as others see you? If you could step outside of yourself just to get some distance?

Well, here’s a strategy to do that: Video diary series.

I just started doing this, mainly because I don’t want to dress up my words. I’ll never stop writing or journaling, but the problem is– with writing I sometimes still put on a show. Especially since others read this.

You need a place to talk to yourself, thats not in your head.

Your head sucks, and misremembers— which defeats the purpose.

With these recordings, you won’t post them online. They’ll be made by you, for you, recorded and revisited only when you want understanding.

It’s really just thinking out loud.

The on camera part will help you because you’ll be able to go back and see yourself. It’ll give you distance and give you empathy toward that individual. It’s almost like watching a different person, kinda trippy, but liberating.

The reason much of your life is shite, is the seriousness you’ve brought to it.

By being playful with yourself, and developing a new relationship/ communication with yourself– you’ll be free.

Free to live an entirely new life.

So, don’t worry about writing, creating, journaling, or self-proving improvement. Instead, open up that iphone camera, hit record, and say whats up.

They’ve been waiting, and you have everything to gain.

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Answer the call ☎️ But you can still sleep on it

Some of the most enjoyable things in my life are things I never would have chosen. Really, I wouldn’t have even considered them– and that’s what makes anything worth something.

It really isn’t your idea of how things ought to be– that won’t bring you any fulfillment. It oddly ends up being these small moments, that happen incidentally– which usually, you have zero control over them, but they become the priceless experiences.

They add texture to your life. They add color.

Your phone is ringing, but you only hear others pings.

I don’t know why it took me this long to realize this, but the promised land I weirdly obsessed over isn’t something worth pursuing.

Answer the ringing phone in front of you.

Your life is more enjoyable as a result of you embracing it. Maybe a worthwhile exercise is thinking about someone you admire, and how they might approach your entire world– start to finish.

The habit we need to unlearn is daydreaming away our lives.

If you need to sleep on it, sleep. But don’t switch up because someone else has a catchy ringtone.

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Arranged Marriage: IF it’s your choice why don’t you love it?

Trying to force love? Stop while you’re ahead… it just doesn’t work like that.

Even at my peak introspection, I thought I knew what I wanted. Sitting in a room writing weak ass prose to myself. If you could read my private journals you’d see two things: deception and an insane amount of “purpose talk.”

At first, my purpose was a humble one— you know, save the world. Didn’t know how I was going to do it, but it felt like a calling for sure. #millennial

In my later years, it went from being direct, to a subtle secret-santa type of calling. I could save the world with the art I make (mind you, I’ve never been an artist nor shown an inclination in my entire existence leading to that point).

But nonetheless, Directing became an idea.

AN IDEA– not a real goal, desire, passion, or even lucrative experiment. Somehow I tried to marry myself off to a random idea that I thought would be fun. I think by nature, we hate not knowing.

So we try to know. But trying to know is like that kid who repeats everything the teacher says in class– have a mind of your own you parrot.

Our floating feels miserable if we don’t have an explanation for our wasting life— so rather than call it “DIRECTIONLESS”, we call it strategically uncertain. “I know what I want to do, I just need (FILL IN THE BLANK)” or even better: I just need motivation….. funny.

It’s always losers who need to be motivated.

Winners get to work.

If you’re waiting for motivation, you’re avoiding your own wife (in this case, the dream, the goal, whatever it is you told people you’re after).

We mentally cheat on the things we actually enjoy with bullshit we want to love. I was always interested in human behavior and what makes people what they are— but that didn’t sound fun. So I tried to channel this into something else, and failed each time.

Did I study directing in my free time? No. Because when I tried I hated every second of it. Aaand here’s where you place the camera to create a suspenseful moodI don’t give AF.

You already do the things you love, you already go there. Yet, when it’s time to sit down and make a life changing decision, we start from scratch.

Hmmmm. What kind of entrepreneur am I? The broke, unemployed kind.

You’re already doing the thing. In some way, even if small, you’re doing it. During my do-nothing years and good-for-nothings (what I call the 18-24 age range chapters of my life) I was still studying human behavior.

All I’m saying is this– stop pretending you know where you’re going. Stop trying to know. Instead, watch yourself. What are you reading? What are doing?

Eventually, you’ll see it.

The key is to stop trying to love, and you’ll see what you naturally do.

Cheers to divorce.

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Pretending in a World of Pretend

If you’re adamant on continuing to lie to yourself, at least be more convincing.

You’ve heard the annoying sayings, “everyone has a book in them” or “the next genius is from (insert city)”.

“Not knowing” is by far the worst excuse to not do something.

Potential has never been the issue.

That’s why we have so many dumb self-questions to hype us up– what would you do if you couldn’t fail? #inspirational.

In truth, you’re afraid. No one wants to look stupid, no one wants to lose what they’ve got, no one wants to feel like a fraud.

What they don’t tell you is it’s okay to feel those things, but you have to take action regardless. It’s like playing with a teammate whose hearts not in it– I’m not giving up on the game just because one person would rather be elsewhere.

Every single one of us is pretending, that’s the art of the start. You hype yourself up, decide to do the thing, fail but learn, and then iterate forward.

You used to pretend as a kid, and that’s what got you here. All of a sudden we hit some age and then think– nah, that’s not who I am.

What da..

What a stupid thing to say. You didn’t figure out the world just because you Gandolf-Greyed. You’re a human being, not greek yogurt. Quit expiring yourself and try to relearn.

Act stuck to be stuck. Act on the thing and have the thing.

A phrase I hate the most is “when I get blank I’ll do blank.” You don’t get blank to do blank— and that’s the reason you HAVE BLANK.

Whatever you want– DO it now. In anyway. Example: You want to be an entrepreneur who makes money writing online, has their brand, and works with a few clients. Start writing online, now. Create shitty posts and post them, shitily, on purpose.

Stop thinking people care about your misuse of a comma or word.

No one cares, no one knows better anyway.

Do the thing to have the thing.

MY greatest superpower is my ability to look like an idiot and willingly produce garbage. This is a learned superpower, one that can change everything for you.

So today, be a fool.

Because only Fools create.

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Training wheels to turn: You are naturally bad at thinking

How is it that the thing we rely on most we never train?

If you want a guaranteed shit lyfe, make your existence big.

Knowing that we’re nothing and in the grand scheme of things will disappear into our own nothing, frees us. It’s actually the ultimate freedom.

You don’t have the answers for the universe… in fact, maybe forget the universe for awhile because you’re barely solving your own life.

And this is the subtle art of getting ahead.

We’re termites… In a good way.

Where we err big time is we forget we can’t see reality. As far as you’re concerned there is no reality– what you’re seeing is your personality, projected onto everything 24/7.

That’s not life, it’s you.

But we walk around, living in our own genres and then telling others how it is or ought to be. The craziest part? It never occurs to us to try to change the lens because it’s not advertised.

Here it is:

You’re Bad at Thinking.

I mean, how can you not be? You weren’t properly trained. You have no systems in place and right now your go-to method for decision making is memory and mood. The historically proven to be most inaccurate delusional system.

We need a better way.

And that starts with self awareness– “but I know myself.” Sure you do.

But what you know is useless, like your middle school best friend– yeah, black is your favorite color but I wouldn’t call that understanding.

You need to know what situations bring out your inner idiot, where do you go full-dumbo? Each of us has blind spots, you need to see yours.

I’ve been using mbti, not the bs website either. Specifically: https://www.objectivepersonalitysystem.com/

When I got typed it became easier to see the faulty default system for my thinking. It wasn’t for everything, but my blind spots were definitely fcking me up.

My advice to you– and this is only if you want a fun, engaging, and fulfilling life. Find a system that actually shows you where you’re messed up and provides some type of map to get you out of there.

We need to grease the gears to better turn the mind… that was stupid. Point is, be a better thinker by getting new input.

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Everything Has Its Suck

Everything sucks… sometimes.

As I’ve gotten disappointed (the adult synonym for older), I’ve come to understand that life is a game of trade.

Like the whole– for every action there is a reaction, it just comes down to what you’ll tit for tat. What you’re willing to trade in return for the thing you want.

Example: You want to be some type of entrepreneur, let’s say it’s the suited up biznus kind, but you hate sales and refuse to make the daily calls.

If your mom didn’t already break it to you, you’re not on your way to #FCKa9-5.

See, in todays opportune but ultra competitive markets, you can’t kinda do something. You’re going to have to semi-enjoy the pain that comes from your dream. This is the necessary competitive advantage to win.

So, for this next year free yourself of that fruitless search for purpose.

Instead, look at the things you wouldn’t mind sucking at, and keep going. Look at the things you find fulfilling, especially during the suck.

What things have you losing track of time?

Besides cry, what did you do as a child?

What types of activities engage you most?

Revisit them. Start with the suck in mind.

What suck do you enjoy? Training? Maybe it’s preparing a speech, conquering the blank page, building robots, idk.

But find your suck, and live a life that doesn’t.

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Re-lyfed: How I’m Resetting For Good

Well, it was actually way simpler than I thought.

Turns out– it had nothing to do with trying to change, more so figuring out what’s important and then leaving what isn’t.

2022 is around the block– what do you want to do differently?

I was really struggling these past months, the old restless thought patterns came back and I had urges of starting over and leaving everything I’ve worked for behind.

This isn’t anything new for me, but this time it felt nearly impossible to combat.

And then yesterday I suddenly got over it.

I realized something, life is a game. If you focus on the shitty negative aspects– you’re sure to lose. I was sitting here taking everything seriously and spiraling downward, all because I was identifying with my negative thoughts (a big no- no).

Feel what you feel, but identify with something better. Something that can pull you out when the storm throws you overboard.

It’s that simple.

You’ll still feel like garbage and have bad day, but if you choose the right thing they won’t last.

That’s key.

It’s not just identity, it’s choice.

I choose to identify with the higher– the better version of me that plays through obstacles and moves on quick.

That said, let’s see how I can remake my entire existence in the span of a year. 2022 will be my craziest, most fun year yet.

Wanna do it with me?

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You’re Not Playing on Your Team

It took me awhile to see this.

And now that I do I’m not sure how to fix it, but somewhere along the way– we drew lines. There was a split in consciousness.

Something tells me that the only way to resolve this issue is to bring it all out to the surface– everything.

The human being is dual natured.

Everyday we choose between different parts of ourselves. When you do hard shit– you let the best self drive and when you sit there and rot… well, you’re killing yourself.

Maybe the split happens because of socialization or maybe it’s a defense mechanism. I.E. you know that certain personality traits are unacceptable so you hide them, but as soon as you reach adulthood they crave an outlet.

A better way to look at depression is disconnection.

You are disconnected from yourself– your deeper, real, self.

The solution? You have to play for the same team.

First, you’ll have to re-get to know yourself. What does this other self want? What are their goals, opinions, likes and dislikes? What do they stand for and how should they be expressed?

Then you’ll want to find ways to bring it to the surface, in a healthy way of course.

You need a peace treaty.

The only way to come to terms with your inner self is to understand them, and figure out where you both agree.

That way, you can both go for the same goals.

In this way– you become whole.

If this sounds abstract, poetic, or even absurd– understand this is a nicer way of describing most peoples self hate. The people who while ambitious, go home and sit in front of the TV.

Or the people who have a hard time setting boundaries or being alone.

It applies to all of us.

So forget judging it, work with it.

Get on your own team.

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Write Your Fool: How To Get Ahead In Life

Your ability to see reality clearly is what will determine the amount of success you create. Most people– they can’t see beyond themselves.

That’s what this pandemic has shown all of us.

Massive fear.

From each other, from control, from death.

Everyone is afraid.

And we imagine that our fears are the truth. We imagine the proof we’ve seen is scientific, and our friends and families are delusional conspiracy theorists.

We all forget how “truth” works.

Instead everything becomes binary, in a non-world.

I don’t care what your opinion is, if you give a shit about the truth then you need to keep track of one thing— your mind.

Otherwise known as your fool.

See, we’ve each got one and they’re only smooth and persuasive in our heads. Once you start logging the data (writing) you’ll be able to see them more clearly.

And clarity is what determines if you get better of them or not.

Don’t let be fooled by your fool.

“If you bring forth what is within you– what is within you will save you. IF you don’t, what is within will destroy you.”

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Better to be a Fool than Cool

In the end, we all want the same thing.

We dress it up different, but we all want a good life– and we chase whatever we think will bring us that.

But there is a gap and our aging automatically widens it.

That gap is in playfulness, with how you are now vs when you were a kid –and can be bridged when you realize why it’s there.

We take ourselves too seriously.

From career choices, to likes and dislikes, our beliefs, and even the shit we do for fun– our hobbies, all of these things some how become overly competitive… and we live in that mode.

The real problem with this is creativity comes from play, and most of us will forget to do that.

Rather than performing, participate.

See yourself through the eyes of others to better grasp yourself, and make adjustments. There’s no such thing as permanent in the human being.

Stuck is temporary.

Fool doesn’t mean idiot. It means willfully childlike, playful, bold.

It means choosing the bright side, knowing that all of it comes down to this anyway.

Forget cool, play, make mistakes, be bold, take risks– fool on.

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Change Your Circumstances By Changing Your Attitude

Maybe this is messed up, but it takes conflict for me to be clear headed. No idea why, but for whatever reason, when I see others delusional AF and fighting over nonsense– I snap into ruthless practicality.

It’s in these moments, when I should be in turmoil– that all I have is peak wisdom and understanding.

But I got it.

Even if only temporarily, I need this to stay with me.

I’m rich.

I’m rich with opportunity, health, and freedom. I’m rich with life. Yeah, I want a lot more of it– but it’s not a change thing at this point, it’s just scale.

My problem is I haven’t learned to enjoy it as I got it, and that’ll be a focus for this new year.

We have shit attitudes because we see things wrong. Like we’re wearing sunglasses indoors and then wonder why everything’s so dark??

It isn’t– you’re just the weirdo who never looks people in the eyes.

But if I really knew and embraced the fact that I’m dying, we all are, each day– and I kept that close with me, I’d play more often.

“Premeditation of death is premeditation of freedom… He who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave. Knowing how to die frees us from all subjection and constraint.” –Michel De Montaigne

Some of us are looking too far ahead– not into our reality, but fantasy. Forget purpose, pursue goals. Look around you, don’t miss this.

We’re born to a time, use and embrace it.

I’m done being the outcast, I don’t know about you but I’m ready to be a player.

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Forget What You Think You Know

I didn’t know shit back then, and I plan on knowing even less moving forward.

Life doesn’t reward struggle.

Before you ready your comebacks, let me provide you some context.

Ever notice how the harder you try to fall asleep, the zombier you become? Or when you just “have to do something” you usually don’t.

That’s what I mean… the attitude of struggle is a pathetic one.

Do you have to work hard to hit your goals? Probably. But as soon as you do the “I’m so serious” thing and lose the play, it all becomes pointless.

Look, I’m writing this post pretty early– so if this turns into some 2am stoner talk, forgive me.

But the thing that instantly makes me a happier person who is excited about life– is the realization that everything that makes up my world is just perspective (change what you see and change your entire life).

What in the wiring of the human brain makes us think we understand the world?

We all went from filling diapers to khakis and somehow that’s given us all we need to know automatically… because we’ve been around our small familiar block.

You don’t know anything, and that’s the best reminder.

Our attitude is a habit. Our routines, how we approach environments, how we talk to people, sure theres some DNA in there, but for the most part it’s just a habit.

And we don’t think to change it because it’s so close to us.

I’m not telling you to do anything, because theres nothing to do. Just try to forget– if you can let go of your buttoned up, know-it-all approach to the world, you’ll be fluid enough for something new.

You’ll find a whole new life waiting for you.

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Remake Yourself: Saying Goodbye to my Narrator… kinda

When I first read The Laws of Human Nature– I immediately knew this was all I wanted.

I wanted a better version of myself.

One that could find joy in every moment, optimize their brain for living fully, and most importantly– play while still being purposeful.

Who the hell wouldn’t want that?

So I got busy.

I went about change in every possible way I could think up.

I took inventory of my strengths and weaknesses, did the whole “imagine the best you” and then tried to play that role— I think they called it living-as-if, it sounded real convincing.

Did any of it work? Is it that black and white– could change really be as simple as shifting into a make believe identity?

Well…. you tell me.

Because when I let this “higher self” drive, I definitely had a better attitude. I, even if only temporarily, was definitely more open to experiences, and overall I felt more relaxed– almost as if I knew everything was going to be okay.

But the watcher was still there.

You know, the person narrating your movie in real time.

And he’s an asshole.

No matter which character I let drive the wheel– the narrator remained unchanged. On top of that, all these make-believe better selves liked the guy. Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he’s perceptive, and understands human nature, and he’s what kept you safe all these years (the real answer).

For some reason, all these idiots inside me didn’t understand compromise (maybe still don’t).

We seem to be under the impression that if we’re happy or joyful, we’ll lose who we are!? Sounds insane coming out of my mind, but it’s true.

And here lies the problem for all of us struggling to reinvent ourselves: We’re in love with suffering.

You may not agree, but ask yourself– during the process of change, which part always stops you from fully crossing?

It’s because your identity is tied to that inner storm– part of you loves the intensity, because a part of you is that.

However, life is phases.

My narrator is great for survival, but useless for building. Useless for living joyfully, creating new experiences, and fulfilling my purpose.

This is where most of us will get stuck.

Remaking ourselves isn’t about aiming at some fictional bullshit wannabe superhero and dawning the cape.

You can’t pretend to be changed.

You have to actually change– and the only way to do that is to LET GO.

LET GO of the narrator, forget the voice, try to approach things without their advice and see what happens.

You’ll always hear them, they are a part of you– but stop letting them drive. Try to do the opposite, prove to yourself you can.

This isn’t about trying to be better– this is about living.

And if you want to live fully, change the genre of your movie, then you need to unlearn their ways and familiarize yourself with the more silent type within.

Because it isn’t the narrator who brought you to this post.

It’s the third viewer– your potential.

And they hunger to be brought out.

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Leave or Lean in? My Year In Review

Well, it’s been nearly a year and before crossing the chasm into my future I wanna review what’s worked, hasn’t, and what direction to take this in.

I encourage everyone reading this to do the same.

So, for this last year I’ve developed myself as a writer, started muay thai training, posted on this blog daily, and I’ve learned more about myself… again.

The latter might be most significant, though corny– crucial. Unlike what we’re constantly fed about goal-setting and self improvement, I no longer create goals based off my strengths.

Desires? Kinda sorta.

In truth, everything in my life is an insurance policy built around my weaknesses. Especially my goals.

Knowing myself, I always want to leave. I’ve always craved escape but the massive improvement is that even with that– I’ve stayed the course. Nothing happens from bouncing, it just creates the need for more of it.

Since I know my mind does this little thing where as soon as I get bored of my reality I want to burn down all progress, find a new path, and backpack across it–

I don’t.

I stopped acting on that impulse, because that’s all it is. A biological knee-jerk reaction to dissatisfaction.

Note to self: for this next year, I want you to go all out. Like you did that one year, your best year– you know the one.

Let’s just see what happens if you take the things you have before you, and you magnify them by fully embracing them.

A year is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

If you aren’t sure what to do, what you want, or where to go– LEAN IN first. More comes from this than leaving.

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