Month: September 2021

Toddler Fury: Where Do You Have It In You?

Published September 10, 2021 by V

When I was at my lowest-self-esteem, I reached out to legitimate mbti practitioners. Long story short, if you understand how your brain is wired, you can begin to see your blind spots and finally get better of them.

So, they typed me.

Of course, I didn’t agree with it at the time. I thought I was more magical, special, and some deviant… a unique exception to the rule. Why? Because I didn’t identify with my struggle– most of us don’t.

Despite the fact that I was doing exactly what she said I’d do.

I just thought the reason mattered– sure, maybe other EXXPs jump around because of their uncontrollable curiosity but not me. No, I’m looking for my unique purpose in life… and that’s different #Puke.

Anyways, point is they were right. And after having more of the same, I grew sick and tired and then finally wiser.

That led me to starting something and sticking which pulled me out, but that’s not the point of this story.

The point here is that was just step 1.

You can now move onto problem number 2.

Toddler fury over inanimate objects perfect timing.

Yesterday, my car alarm starts going off. I spring to action immediately to answer the cry for help, and make sure no particular intruder set off the bat signal. I’m standing there shooting my car with the clicker, but no response……

… I try what every capable American would. I keep pushing the button, harder, now I’m trying different combinations– Lock, unlock, alarm.

Still nothing.

The alarm goes silent from it’s annoying cry, but I can’t get into my car.

The clicker died, despite the battery being changed a year ago.

So my car, which is supposedly not alive, has decided to switch sides and lock me out. Rage.

Instant rage.

I could tell you what happens afterwards and how I drove to two different shops to get the clicker replaced, one had the tool for the job but no battery, the other had batteries and no tool — but I’ll spare you the details.

The day ended it with me discovering, it’s not the battery at all.

And on a more personal level, I still have a lot of work to do.

No human being can TOP the anger that comes from these seemingly unalive objects getting me.

How am I working on this?

By recognizing this will forever be a thing, and on these days I will stay true to the character I want to have.

Instead of driving around like a lunatic, I’ll go straight home. Stay enjoying the night and deal with it next day.

Put yourself first next time.

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Letting Go of Everything… Except the One Thing

Published September 9, 2021 by V

It’s true.

Desire is suffering.

The more we want, the more our minds focus on our current state of lack– and we start to feel restless and angry from being in a state of “not having.”

Putting yourself in a state of play will invigorate your life– but it’s not enough. There’s a lot of things we can change, and just by changing our attitudes, life definitely gets better.

But the things we can’t change is core desires.

You weren’t wrong for wanting, you were just doing it wrong.

In my youth, I knew I wanted freedom but it was undefined. I had no clue what that meant– and I pursued it in an idiotic fashion…

…Today, I have the end in mind. It isn’t just freedom, it’s living life on my terms. Knowing this, I don’t waste time pursuing things that won’t lead to it.

You can only have one desire at a time.

That’s the issue for most of us, we’re not able to point to a single thing and say confidently: That is what I’m after.

Happiness is letting go.

That’s true, but we have to have our one thing– we need the guiding light.

And that brings me to where I am today. Purpose.

It isn’t spiritual. It isn’t abstract.

It’s what allows us to explore while being directed, to play while moving forward.

Define your end goal, have it clear enough to know when you get it but broad enough for it to evolve with you.

This is what makes life rich.

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Never Relapse: Remembering Where You Came From

Published September 8, 2021 by V

Note to self: “calling / purpose” is great, but that comes after you secure the bag.

The other day, my best friend came over and we kicked it. He and I have very similar journeys and right now are experiencing similar financial successes (by no accident– we both want freedom).

Before we got into it, laughing at our shared search history– my mind went down its default mode of thinking: wanting more, not sure how to get it, not sure whats more even look like…

…and before I knew it, I was feeling angry at not knowing my “why” and “calling.” Even after all my growth, it goes to show you it’s still easy to slip up into your negative patterns (especially when you start looking at others successes, never compare yourself dammit!).

Anyways—

Soon, I found myself feeling those all-too familiar moods– the unhappy restlessness coming from my obsessive need for some bullshit purpose.

But he and I started talking, and I quickly let it go because I don’t want to make myself miserable worrying about finding some all or nothing idiotic passion.

We started talking about how quickly our lives changed as a result of being practical.

We laughed at our old struggles, how we used to meet up complaining about finding our spiritual mission in life— while being broke AF.

And then we both realized in that moment, DAMN we made it out! STOP and realize you made it out.

I’m never going back to how I used to be!!!!

Just remembering where I’m coming from, the things I used to complain about, how I used to view things– I will never do that again.

Building might not be the most fun thing you do, but it’s waaay better than searching. We used to obsess over finding a calling– when we never needed that, truth is neither of us cared. I don’t know how we got so hung up on that step in the first place.

Get your money right first.

Maybe for some of you calling does come first, but the way we are and were– we only ever prioritized freedom– so it’s strange that we were stuck on something that never motivated us in the first place.

After laughing at our dumbass selves and realizing how far we’ve come, that perspective filled me with massive gratitude.

And now, I’m back on track.

So, a quick reminder when you’re feeling like shite about your life: Remember where you’re coming from.

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Feeding Your Wolves

Published September 7, 2021 by V

Inside me there are two wolves.

One hungers for a life of discipline, mastery, and total submission to my craft. The other craves adrenaline, adventure, and to live out my own movie life.

These wolves are radically different by nature, don’t belong to the same pack but equally need to be fed.

It used to be one or the other. I’d choose one and “free” the other– hoping it’d disappear and join another pack….. They don’t.

You won’t starve one off either, just make them hungrier… and harder to control.

You’re born to these wolves, they’re apart of you. You don’t get to pick and choose or trade with other packs, because like it or not, they are what drives you.

Feed your wolves.

Find what they hunger for and feed them both. Make the mistake of favoring one, and you’ll find yourself at the mercy of the other.

Your becoming is a result of leading your pack, they have to work together. The only way to do that, is design a life where both wolves can co-exist and be satisfied.

Want that movie life? Star as the main character– be bold, stand out, take new risks every single day. As for mastery, commit yourself to a few disciplines. It isn’t one or the other, there is no right way or wrong way. It’s actually simple…

…What do they hunger for?

Feed them.

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Dorks Quirky Superpowers

Published September 6, 2021 by V

Looking back, I realize it’s the traits you don’t like about yourself that actually show your individuality– and this should be your primary focus and starting point when pursuing fulfillment.

The things that make us unique, we’re often taught to be ashamed of. It makes sense too– since no one has that weird thing you do, you should probably tuck that away in the olé’ subconscious… you know, if you want to make friends and get a job.

But that weirdness is what’s required to stand out and become who you are.

My career is an exact reflection of my individuality, which is why I find it so fulfilling. Before this, I tried to chase what looked cool… What I thought would be fun, I copied others because I wanted their success.

And that was uber-depressing…. and even worse, it didn’t use my weirdness, which made work, play, and my entire day LIFELESS.

You end up feeling disconnected, because that lifeforce that makes everything engaging, creative, and playful is your own authenticity and that can only come from your inner dork.

When we’re young, we’re naturally connected to this. It’s not something we intellectualize or even have to think about, but our “roles” are eventually forced on us and we gradually forget.

What no one says is this, you DO have to be an actor to the public just not with yourself.

We’re social creatures, and part of success is playing the game.

But that dorkness is what will breathe life into your existence. It’s hard to explain what this is, only you can know it– since it’s radically different for all of us.

For one of my close friends, his weird trait that he never considered unique is he thinks his way into others minds. It’s automatic, not something he wants to do or even tries to do. But sure enough, when we’re out and he sees other individuals, his mind automatically connects how they got to this moment with who they are, and how they must experience the world.

His mind tries to view life through their lenses.

For me, my mind is a role player. When I was a kid, I always knew how to present things to get desired outcomes. I knew how things had to look and feel to get specific results. I knew this, because everyone looked like a character, and with enough understanding– connecting was easy.

This weirdness can be anything– it can be an obsession with a subject, an automatic skill, a driver or curiosity– but you will know it, because it’s always been with you.

Stop dressing up your own resume with yourself– we do this too much. “Well, I’m naturally a leader” yeah, that won’t help you.

You’re looking for the thing you never voiced.

Get weird, and start there.

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Who Will You Play As?

Published September 5, 2021 by V

Dear Past, Present, & Day after Tomorrow selves– never forget this rule to the game.

My sister once called me Peter Pan during an argument (it was meant to be an insult), but has since become a moniker I really connect with.

Because all there really is to do, is play.

See, we’ve got these backwards instinctual habits as human beings. One of them being when we dislike things, we put up figurative walls– crawl away into our minds daydreams, and put the not-so-ideal moment on autopilot.

I did this a lot.

In fact, it was my go-to videogame in childhood. While my peers engaged with screens, I unlocked the gates to Neverland through an overactive imagination.

The habit I developed was cheating on the present.

I always daydreamed.

We’ve all got mind movies of how we see ourselves and how we want life to play out, but I was so content with mine– I said no to a lot of life.

Convinced the regular wasn’t for me, I withdrew. And the result?

I was always bored, unhappy, and alone.

But lucky for me, it eventually clicked. It clicked after the compound interest from all the life lessons kicked in and I finally got it.

Life is literally what you make it.

You can change how you approach the game at any moment, and when I finally realized that, not intellectually, but actually, everything changed… because I did.

I don’t care to be some cool and composed individual who takes things seriously, that’s a waste of life for me.

I’m only interested in LEANING into every moment, as much as possible.

To do that, you have to let go of a lot of the beliefs you hold onto. It isn’t easy, but there isn’t another way.

Free of your rigid, adult thoughts, you’ll be able to play.

And every moment of your life will be more.

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Authenticity Breeds Success

Published September 4, 2021 by V

I never was a fan of labels.

I always hated how carelessly other people would walk around and stick a word on someone… maybe it’s because I know what the human being does and how one lives up to their reputation, good or bad.

That said, there is an upside to this quirk.

You can take that label gun of yours and stick it against yourself for positive change (Re-define your label).

Everyone says be authentic.

But really, what the hell does that actually mean?

If you grew up in any generation ever, then you were born to a time and thus you’ve been socialized to some extent.

You don’t fully know or understand yourself.

Every I AM statement defines you and it blows my mind how careless so many of us are uttering those worlds.

I AM (fill in the blank).

See how many you can come up with. I AM a mother, father, democrat, republican, writer, Christian, Atheist, disciplined, etc.

We use our labels to make sense of the limitless potentials we are– because we can’t stay limitless. To actualize your potential, you have to choose a direction and stick to it.

That’s how you take something and make more out of it.

But a lot of us choose groups…

…not me.

I don’t identify with tribes.

That’s not to say some of my beliefs aren’t shared by others, I’m just not giving up my individuality saying we belong together.

And why?

Because every awesome thing in my life came from me DOING and BEING Me (Complete Authenticity).

It’s such an exciting time to be alive, there is so much going on in the world. Cool advancements in tech and medicine, shifts in career and work, abundance of opportunities for everyone, yet most can’t see it… they do nothing.

They haven’t learned the basics.

I’m not pursuing every hot new trend, because I know who I am. I’m taking what I’m like and matching it to my environment as much as possible.

That’s the formula for fulfillment.

That’s all you need to do.

Find the nature, that matches your nature.

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Building Sandcastles

Published September 3, 2021 by V

Want different things?

I used to feel conflicted between my desires– I wanted the “ignorant lifestyle” (fast life, mansion, cars, etc.) and the one of deep fulfillment… and I’ve since solved for that.

The answer isn’t in what you want– it’s the end result you’d enjoy.

Do I love training muay thai? Kinda-sorta. There are definitely days I’d love to skip, but I don’t. When I see how my masterful instructors move about with ease and power, I remind myself why I need and want this.

I want that end result.

It’s sort of the same thing with my career– I enjoy the everyday, but keeping that end result in mind, it makes it easy for me to stay the course through the tough days… and there are definitely days I question my course.

It’s okay to not love every single minute of everyday, happiness is a moment but fulfillment is a lifetime.

Fulfillment is far more valuable and it comes from something entirely different than happiness— it comes from deep engagement.

I’ve had to train myself to play different games to get to this point of my life, and I’m lucky it was within my control.

For starters, I ask myself: How can I maximize each day?

There’s always going to be things you hate doing, what could you do that would make that day more enjoyable? The other day, I was sore and ultra-fatigued and really didn’t want to go to muay thai.

On the drive there, I kept thinking how I could make it more fun.

When I arrived, my solution was the same as for everything else in my life. I engaged more with everyone. Lots of play and humor– and sure enough, a second wind came and I rode it to the top of joy and excitement.

It’s simple, not easy.

But you can train yourself to do this.

I play towards my goals.

That’s how I intend on designing, and living the rest of my life. I know who I am at my best, and to honor that everyday– I keep certain habits and routines in place.

More importantly, I practice a playful mindset.

Others go miserable wanting things, I’m just focused on my own sandbox and having fun building sandcastles.

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Speaking (of) Into Existence?

Published September 2, 2021 by V

It’s a thing.

I don’t think you can literally tongue magic millions of dollars before you just be chanting a phrase, but it looks like there is something to saying your goals out loud.

A strange lil’ trick for behavior change in psychology is leveraging social contracts. We tend to not want to be hypocrites– so when we repeatedly tell others we’re going to do something, we increase our likelihoods of doing it.

A lot of us already know this, maybe even do it, but I’m more interested in what it does to the social contract you have with yourself.

My writing career is a chicken-egg scenario, not sure which came first. Was I interested or did I become interested after proclaiming I was going to do it?

Either way, I ended up doing it and now won’t change.

I said I was after mastery so many times, that now something in my brain sets off an alarm anytime I engage with activities that move me away from it, even if it’s slight… and I immediately return.

I’ve built my identity around the things I do.

In a way, you’re not just proclaiming what you want to happen– you’re announcing who you’re going to become.

You’re telling the world this is my character and when you do that, it’s near impossible to go back on your word.

Sound strange?

Performance coaches use this same technique to create lasting change. Attacking behavior is temporary, but identity… that’s what lasts– that’s what will have you maintain when no one’s looking.

And that’s what matters.

Where do you want change?

Health, finance, a new career?

Speak it into existence. Make it your identity. First, get clear on who the type of person that has the thing you want is? If it’s health, maybe that’s the type of person who enjoys being active and eating in moderation. Money? This could be the type of person who enjoys tracking and growing their finances.

It’s not about the thing itself, it’s what creates the thing.

Before I became a copywriter, the question was what exactly do they do? I became that, by doing it…. and I only started doing it after I told anyone who would listen, this is what I’m after.

Sure enough, that’s what I got.

Hurtin’ for change? Start chanting my friends, because it looks like for each and every one of us– our word becomes our bond.

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What’s Your Story?

Published September 1, 2021 by V

In general, we’re all skilled at explaining.

I guess, it’s just a lot of repetition. And it doesn’t seem to even matter what we come up with, so long as we have a reason.

This isn’t only true for what we tell others, but also what we tell ourselves.

Not nearly talked about as much as it should be, the story we tell ourselves (our self explanations and definitions) determines most of our experiences.

I’m the type of person that ( fill in the blank ).

What comes to mind with that statement? What are some of the first things that pop up? Don’t judge them, record them. Observe.

Your answers to that question are apart of your story. The answers you like, you should develop even more… and those you don’t, delete.

We try to control things we have no say over, but for the things we could easily change at any moment– we never touch.

Why do you think movies and books are so powerful (excluding the shit ones) ?

We’re wired for story, we evolve through story, it’s not only our explanations for life but our direction and guide.

Every single one of us is a meaning making machine.

You need to take ownership if you want something more than a coincidental life. You’ll need to redefine a lot of yourself and your myth.

This isn’t hard to do, but it’s hard to live by.

Even the people who love change will meet resistance, the brain fears what it doesn’t know. That, and deep down, we all love who we are. Before you protest, “not me” understand that every single one of us has changed in an instant when forced to.

But somehow when it’s optional, meh– you pick your current self.

So decide, what’s your story?

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