Tag: Self-improvement

The greatest lesson I’ve learned, and by greatest, I mean will have the most meaningful impact on my life is, fun and fulfillment have nothing to do with one another.

Since my birth, all I could ever think about was what I wanted.

How, I’d love the life of appearances. I liked how it looked to be a star, actor, rich, famous, some public figure who has millions of dollars and does whatever the fuck they want.

That was the only “goal” I ever thought about.

When I first stepped into that character, in my senior year of high school, it was such a level of fun, I thought I had it all figured out.

And so pursued it– til multiple failures had me running back.

I couldn’t let it go.

Even after leaving so many times, the idea returned that this is what I’m meant for.

But, in temporarily “pausing it”, for the sake of making money and paying bills, I became a writer.

I scored a client, then a job, now a career.

All that time that went into the wrong focus— the idea of being “a somebody”, rather than having a skill and solving a problem….

After working at my first real job, I got that “dream.”

Well, tasted it. I directed video, was the star of many, voice acted, wrote scripts, the whole shebang.

It was fun— but after awhile, I felt empty.

AND THIS SET ME FREE.

I realized this was only ever a FUN idea, but it could never be a career or skill you pursued.

Who I am is what I do.

It’s true for you too.

In my free time, I didn’t do any of those “fun” ideas and that should have been proof enough that it wasn’t a real interest.

Instead, I was learning about human behavior, psychology, all marketing related things. But didn’t think to work towards that.

If you want a good life, forget the fun and focus on the here and now.

Freedom is in being who you truly are. Not who you present or pretend.

–FOOL

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Theres 2 main schools of thought for balancing work/life as you search for your dream life—

some people say you should be a “C” student.

That means going to work, doing the bare minimum, clock in then out so that you can go home and use the extra time to build and work on your own dreams.

The other group takes the opposite position.

They say you need to get into the habit of giving everything your all.

You’d LEAN in, embrace all the opportunities, become the go-to go-getter, and apply this principle in and outside of work.

I like the bare minimum answer in theory, but for most people that is exactly why they don’t get anywhere.

Truth is, your RETURNS are equal to your Efforts (mostly).

Give something your all and the returns you get are unimaginable compared to just showing up and being a background character.

By choosing to do it all FULLY, you create opportunities and experiences that would otherwise never be possible.

What the hell are you saving yourself for anyway?

You’ve got a life to live.

–FOOL

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You want a spoon full of opportunities but face a fork in the road?

Lost, unsure of yourself, don’t know where to go?

Apply this advice only if you’re kind of a phuckup and need help course correcting your life:

Break your patterns.

Most of us are stuck in the same spot because we run the same program.

You, being who you are, always do what you’re doing now.

If I normally would back out of a certain type of scenario (and that’s the reason I don’t get ahead), my only job is to show up. If, normally I’d disappear— I don’t.

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Try the opposite.

Do the different thing to get the different result.

If you can’t trust your instincts, you need to recalibrate them and the only way to do that is to reset the system.

Break out of your patters and you’ll break free from your obstacles.

–FOOL

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Can you change your character? I don’t know, but a better question might be— should you even try?

When we consider and make plans from what we KNOW to be true about ourselves, we’re far more likely to see immediate success.

Example:

I have periods of artist melancholy bullshit, where I need to be alone for a few days after too much socializing, to process all of my experiencing.

I could pretend that’s not real.

I can decide to take a job that’s 24/7 battlefront shit and hope to power past my introspecting under a blanket.

Maybe that trait will disappear or maybe it’ll win and that role would have been a waste of time.

We win long term working with our character, not trying to change the unchangeable.

Accept who you are and make plans around it.

It’s not only easier, it’s more fulfilling and success-friendly.

—FOOL

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I used to casually back out of things last minute as soon as I got them.

Guess it was my way of protecting myself from change— which is stupid, because I wanted that change.

But what would happen is I’d get to the point where it’s time to deliver, and you can’t fake delivery, so at the very last second, I’d bounce.

I always wrote this off as “the opportunity/scenario just wasn’t a right fit” but today I see it as my final mountain.

You’re burning away your weaknesses when you grow through them.

The moment you decide to WALK through uncertainty, to show up and sit in discomfort, to do the damn thing and if you fail, you fail, but at least you showed up—this is where the alchemical process of growth happens.

Everything else is bullshit.

If you want change for the better, the kind that can lead to that dream life, you have to move beyond where you normally back out.

There is no other way but forward.

–FOOL

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Pretty much all of the opportunities I’ve gotten had to do with the energy I put out (through words) and nothing to do with being qualified.

What you say can mean a lot to the people listening.

The words you write can mean a lot.

Language is way more powerful than we’re aware, and yet– most of us don’t develop our styles.

We don’t play with expression, we don’t toy with tongue, we don’t realize that reality is shaped by the words that categorize it.

If you want to change your circumstances, change the language you use to describe them.

We’re all magicians in that regard, so careful casting spells.

–FOOL

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“Our work works on us”

I don’t remember who documented that observation, but how true it is remains universal.

If you’re able to do your job well, then to some degree, you have competency for it.

Assuming theres still challenges for you to work out and solve and some of you personality matches the nature of the role— you’ll find yourself evolving over time, through your work.

The best job I ever had was writing related, I became more myself by engaging with the work– because the work was related to what I’m like.

I got to play with ideas, play with words, play with my teammates and create.

It’s easily been the most fun I’ve ever had, more than anything up til this point.

It wasn’t without frustration and anger, but it was a helluva ride.

And now the rides coming to an end, and I’m getting off this one and on another, one that offers more adventure, more change, more problems to solve, and more…. me.

Don’t worry about love, fulfillment, passion, or success.

Instead, accept a new challenge, one you’d like to spend time solving.

–FOOL

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If someone tells you it takes decades that you don’t have to get into something, don’t wait in line with them.

You know, for having this much “access” i.e. resources— we don’t do shit.

Think about it, everyone wants a better job, house, car, wife, husband, kids, life…. but ALL of those every-bodies will go down conventional routes and eventually just settle.

And don’t get me wrong, settling is underrated— if you’re happy.

Continually chasing happiness is an idea sold by self improvement cults to drain you of all your cents, and sense.

Want success (the fulfillment kind for your own life)?

It’s actually simpler than you think.

First, decide you want something better, but be specific. What is the bare minimum requirements for a good life?

Instead of reaching for the stars, reach for the pen and pad.

Fuck your dreams.

Where do you live, what’s your day look like, how do you spend your time and what problems are you solving?

These are questions to get you moving, and movement is key.

Now, pick the smallest and most important thing.

For example, if you wanted to be a writer, journaling everyday for 3 minutes would be a good small goal. 3 minutes too much? Make it 1.

There’s only one way to step out of line and that’s with your feet.

You have to DECIDE to act with faith.

Faith because you don’t know what the future holds, but you’re choosing to believe in something greater than your circumstances.

Might as well, because to reprise my role as captain obvious, there ain’t any real risk in the face of death….. and we’ll all face her someday.

#FoolFWD

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Sunlight never touches your brain and you wanna lecture me about objective reality? Save it Degrassi Tyson.

We’re stuck in our own minds—and I don’t mean overthinking either.

The life you live comes from the brain you have.

If you want a better life, find someone who has the brain that leads to it….

Every single thing you interact with, from the animate to inanimate is your interpretation of it. There is no objective thing, you can’t take in those molecules without processing them through your biological filters.

In that way, you make everything personal.

You see your loved ones how YOU SEE them. You can’t not do this, so on Thanksgiving maybe you lend them some better characteristics because you’re feeling grateful.

…But for the most part, our entire lives, along with the people who make them up, are just our own minds projectiling its imagination based on nothing but mood and past experiences.

We color things the way our brain is colored (in that moment).

If you’re paranoid, you live in a dramatically different world than someone who is just chilling.

You all probably know this, so what’s the point?

When you become close to someone, you’re able to finish their sentences, answer a lot of questions for them (before they do), almost borrow their way of thinking.

How is that?

Because you’ve (to a certain degree) entered their mind.

Borrowing multiple vantage points, different views from different angles, from different worlds (people), you can use all that perspective to literally CHANGE your world.

That’s why community and friendship are still very underrated.

If your world sucks, go understand someone (whom you admire ideally) else’s.

No one lives in “the real world” the only question is: Who lives in the world you wanna live in, problems and all, and how do they experience all of this?

–FOOL

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If you’re spiritually bankrupt then in all likelihood, you have a solid life.

What kills life force isn’t the monotonous routine of work/life balance, but a lack of newness.

You just need more going on….

People get stuck because they don’t move.

If you want a smaller solution, one that doesn’t demand you know how your entire life plays out, burn a ship or two.

Worst case if you don’t figure it out? You’ll learn to swim or learn to crack open a coconut and feed off the islands children.

My point is you can’t rust in routine.

That’s where your emptiness comes from, but the good news is the second you start moving- that feeling is replaced, by novelty and then excitement.

And then a year from now or however long (but never too long), you’ll have a new life.

Do the thing. Do something.

—FOOL

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“If you want it bad enough, you won’t need a plan B” is objectively garbage advice. You wouldn’t say that talking about a love interest (hopefully), but somehow you think goals are different?

Your aspirations don’t give a shit about how bad you want them and as far as the laws of attraction go— they only ever open doors for the worthy.

There is something to be said about boldness, I’ve definitely gotten a lot of luck from it.

But the niche I’m now seeing success in wasn’t my first pick, not even second, probably 3rd.

Don’t think you have to force something that doesn’t work. You’ll know when it’s time to evolve your interests and pivot into a different direction.

Arranging your cosmic marriage to an unreciprocated partner (like a goal that ain’t showing results) won’t end in happily ever after.

Remember, we only see the success stories.

They don’t sell books about the people who didn’t make it despite talent, skill, and passion.

Adapt your interests. Move with the tide.

Guarantee your own success.

–FOOL

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You have to fool yourself to get your ass off the couch and after your goals– because up till now, you know you haven’t done shit and you know you’re guessing each step of the way here (hopefully you’ve at least got a step to take).

But lies don’t have to stay lies.

The other day, I “acted as if” with a dentist appointment.

I figured I better go to this cleaning because a successful business owner may not have time in the future– when I went, I ended up running into the very same people I’d like to work with… in the lobby.

And that turned into potential client work.

Just like that.

I accidentally thought like the person I want to be, acted like that, and life played out that scenario.

I’m not saying lie your way to success, I’m saying CHOOSE to believe you can make it.

Belief is the separator, and it’s the only qualification that every person and every goal share– you have to CHOOSE to believe.

Will you?

–FOOL

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Spend your life thinking you’re “the star” and you’ll be blind to all the opportunities outside of dark space.

How you see yourself is important, and I don’t just mean your self belief or whether or not you think something is possible… those are meh (kinda important but goals can be realized with or without them).

There’s this universal bucket overseeing all of our lives, because from this bucket, we get our “self.”

Quick side note– you’ll notice you pretty much always meet the same people, yeah, they’re not exactly the same…. but it’s eerily close.

YOU also hail from this bucket, like the rest of us.

And before you exited and entered the game of existing on earth, it was decided which archetype you are and will play as.

BUT we stay imaginative— and that’s WRONG for life success.

Not everyone is a movie star, detective, doctor, writer, lawyer, whatever…. not everyone is everything.

That’s not because of lack of talent or determination as most falsely explain.

You CAN’T be anything because you didn’t decide the thing you are in the first place.

That sounds anti free will but it isn’t.

You didn’t choose your brain, you didn’t choose your genetics— so why instead of paying attention to what you got, you sit there and try to come up with random goals to achieve for your life?

There’s the reason for most people failing, they pick goals and pursuits created for different characters than their own.

I saw success when I saw myself.

Magicians work in marketing, kings own businesses (not always the glamorous kinds either), rebels create.

You ARE a something, LET GO of what you think it is you want and instead, take a look at what your archetype is.

It’s not always the one you want, but you’ll be fulfilled living it out.

What are you reading? What are you saying to others? Where do you invest your time?

Don’t fall for how it looks either, had you asked most of my coworkers they would have typed me as the star…. but theres a reason success for me comes from behind the scenes and not on them.

Before you make your plans, pay attention.

When you see yourself, next steps become visible.

–FOOL

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Wanna hear some fake spiritual shit? Ego is the enemy.

No, I’m not going after that author or referencing his work. I’m going after the faker-fraud enlightened course sellers who tell you your ego needs dying.

You ever ask yourself why you have one in the first place? You need an ego, it’s what makes you an individual— duh, dummy.

Ego isn’t the enemy, UNCHECKED ego is.

Most of us are fulfilled when we’re in our ego, but in a healthy state, not maniacal. Without it, you’re depressed, withdrawn, melancholy suffering artist vibes– if you read self help blogs regularly you know what I’m talking about.

Where we fly off the handle and into Ye West territory is when we stop feeding the mind or soul.

You ARE your mind, but you play as your ego.

And it’s supposed to be EXACTLY that.

That’s the life fulfillment combination key.

Example: your interests, things you don’t present that only those really close to you know about you, that all comes from mind. To become who you are and uncover your path in life, you need to explore your own mind.

Be curious, let yourself be led by it.

Explore yourself.

Ego comes into play AFTER, by using the mind, using what’s been fed.

I study human behavior, but if I just sat down behind the scenes and all I did was study, I’d be depressed and pathetic. My ego likes attention, it likes being bold, loud, center stage. Rather than call that bad– because some idiot charlatan told me so, I take everything my mind is and present it through my ego.

I step on stage, I throw myself out there— but I support the character I play with the information I choose to feed it.

Your task is the same.

Answer this: When am I most alive?

That’s ego.

What are my interests?

That’s mind.

Combine the two, and you have YOUR life. A fulfilling one.

–FOOL

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Don’t take the title literally.

But if you’re at the crossroads of “what do I do?” and “I have no idea where to go from here” you’re actually in a great spot.

We forget the power of being lost.

Because I was lost, I was found #cornystupiddumbbars

Point is there has to be some silence in your life, there has to be a period where you’re open– and you follow the experiences that present themselves to you.

If you always know where to go and what to do, you’ll never have this time to figure yourself out, and it’s during this time you end up finding the missing pieces you need to live a fulfilling life.

It’s not what you want to be the answer– but it is the answer.

Prefer a compass?

Follow your curiosities but do so with a different attitude, instead of WANTING desperately to find direction, embrace the search.

Allow yourself to be open.

Return to experimenting. Give yourself 6 months or a year, and during that time your only objective should be to try something new every weekend.

It’s when you let go of needing to know, that you will.

–FOOL

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A lot of you hate to say goodbye but dream about doing it because you know change is long overdue.

Well I’m welcoming my 2023 by clearing out everything NOT aligned with what I NEED (not want, not wish for, not hope for, BUT NEED).

That difference is important.

Want to make your goals so easy they solve themselves? Throw them in the background of LARGER goals.

Take for example, mine.

Directing was too big for me as a goal, couldn’t tell ya why but starting somewhere anywhere was getting me nowhere….. but when my goal became living a full life– directing just happened as a result, and my life got rich fast.

“That’s not a goal” some of you might say and to that I’d reply: WELL it worked.

The only thing that’s important is you do something that gets you to where you think you want to go, the goal is to finally… after all this time, get MOVING.

Make it a priority.

Decide.

It really is that simple.

And yes, you’re allowed to have doubts, question yourself, and be grossly terrified. But don’t let that get in the way of doing what you need to do.

We move on.

Let’s 2023 this shit and make it a movie.

–FOOL

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Before my trip to the deceptively cold and not-as-boring-as-you’d-guess midwest, I was contemplating backing out last minute– at the airport.

I wanted to ditch the flight and take up my friends alternative offer– which was to drive to Cali in a Tesla Plaid.

But I gave someone my word, so I knew I had to go.

This post isn’t about keeping your social contracts– it’s about TIME.

My trip only lasted 4 days but felt like 4 months. I squeezed more life from that extended weekend than I did for the last six months, but why?

IT was new.

It took me out of my routine and each day was basically an entirely new life in a new land.

This is what most of us are missing.

Novelty.

Turns out, we experience time SLOWER when we have new experiences and when those new experiences are paired with being some place new– an unfamiliar environment, your brain becomes intensely focused.

You’re so engaged in the moment you can’t daydream the hours away.

Which means you’re literally LIVING more by each minute.

We don’t need fancy trips to do this— we just need to say yes to new shit. Do something different on the weekends, take a course, take a short trip, a hike, doesn’t matter.

BUT STOP repeating the same old crap.

Think of newness as fullness, because it is. I can’t tell you what your calling is, but this will help you on your way to living a fulfilling life.

–FOOL

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Don’t save yourself.

That’d be the only advice I’d give to my younger self, and any person waiting to figure it out.

We’re all born to certain obsessions and for the longest time, I genuinely believed mine were true. I believed I was meant for such a specific destiny that I’d not get involved with others, group activities, or any kind of hobby that didn’t light up my spirit.

That lasted as long as it could, until I couldn’t continue that way.

Robbed of life, I gave it up and started from the ground level– took a seemingly ordinary job as a writer for a marketing company.

What followed?

More life in 2 years than my entire leading into it.

You don’t fulfill your calling, purpose, or passion by searching for it. There is no search, searching is just a dressed up word to justify wasting time— like the loading screen before your video game starts.

It’s so corny, but you need to just move.

Take random jobs, leave them.

Go to parties, try shit, say yes– then figure it out.

Your life naturally works itself out through motion, not through contemplation of motion.

What’s it all mean?

There isn’t anything for you to do or think about or decide.

Your only task is to keep moving.

–FOOL

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There was a point during all this where I fell into the self improving, habit/mindset, live by a specific set of rules journey.

And I’m glad I did, because now I know how bullshit all of it is.

Those gurus are dead inside and they’re teaching you how to be at peace with death, extreme? Probably.

You’re born as a thing.

You didn’t design your character or the traits and quirks they come with.

You’re just born and slowly wake up to it.

But instead of being curious about making the most of this character, people repress that individuality and then wonder, “what’d be a good career path?”

When I got to know myself—most of my dreams died. They weren’t based on who I am, so I let them go.

You don’t start with career– you start with character, then move forward.

Character determines destiny.

Are you the solitary type? Creative?

I look at life like a high school clique, you’re just looking for yours. Some belong with the tech nerds, others with the jocks, then the hustler entrepreneur types. We’ve all got one.

So stop looking for books that tell you which clique you belong to.

Stop looking for what you want, none of that matters.

Be curious about your character, embrace all of it, even what you hide. Then all else will appear.

–FOOL

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If you read this entire site in reverse, you can trace back to my brand of suffering— passion.

I used to obsess over the idea of what my life should be, rather than just living it. But without trying, just by letting it go and embracing the present, I created that life.

And then the obsession disappeared.

I cured my suffering.

You’re not really looking for anything, you just know you’re missing out, not living fully, not engaged. That’s why you start reading self improvement books and listen to podcasts about getting better– you’re looking for a new start.

You’re gonna hate the answer, but it’s in front of you.

You have to make the most of what’s in front of you.

And the way to do that is to let go your ideas of what should happen next. You don’t know, forcing decision isn’t going to help you know any more.

The irony of the search is you don’t find seeking, you find living.

Like when you give up looking for that one household item and it suddenly “turns up” in plain site.

Must be the same universal law, point is, if you want a better life– SUBMIT to the life you have. EMBRACING this is the way forward.

–FOOL

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