The best thing I ever did for myself was stop trusting my imagination.
Like most of you, I was highly dream oriented as a kid but my dreams were a little different than yours.
I’d imagine myself living a life of purpose, as a 6yr. old, I craved my one true calling. This went on for most my life, and to this day is still something that occasionally comes over me.
I have a gnawing headache, a restlessness brought on by some grandiose delusion that I’m meant to fulfill a single purpose.
It was hard to accept that this wasn’t real. In fact, for most of my life -I refused to. I’m not saying you and I don’t have a purpose, but for my growth I needed to let this go.
I started seeing myself.
I started seeing someone who robbed themselves of joy in the moment, cheating on reality with fantasy, and at 25 having experienced nothing meaningful.
At that time, I hit such a low I was finally ready to start over.
And I did.
What I came to realize were that the best moments of my life came from me not worrying about this. Not thinking about tomorrow or giving a shit about the “how” and “why” of life.
It baffles me that I obsessed over this as long as I did. I still can’t understand how a parasitic idea took root in me so young.
It’s really my only struggle, and I really do struggle with it.
It doesn’t feel like something I can ever overcome, but more-so come to terms with.
And that, I’m beginning to do. When I see people who’ve reached the end of their life, and talk like that, like me, except their entire life went by and they stayed chasing fantasy- I RUN right back to reality.
I don’t want to be someone who hated their life, and when I focus only on this magical purpose and my never finding it, I’m depressed.
For that reason, I’ll call it what it is- a glitch in my wiring.
I can’t believe my delusions- because time and again they’ve f**ked me. If it was real, chasing it would have produced some return, yet the only thing “magic” ever got me was unemployment, delusion, isolation, and deep misery.
Reality on other hand, gave me nothing but more LIFE.
By being pragmatic, I began a new career, started leveling up my skills, and began moving forward financially.
As I grow older, there is far less magic to my life, BUT far more life.
And that’s really all I’ve ever wanted.
My personal philosophy is ruthless practicality, constant development, and growth.
I don’t have your answers, but I can tell you asking the right questions will help get you out.
#StayFoolish
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