Month: May 2024

How can you learn something today but forget it tomorrow? It’s not enough to know it in memory, your body has to know it too. And I’m having a hard time getting mine to remember what it knows.. You ever have those moments with loved ones where you’re both synced up and time just flows and you both perfectly understand one another? You think “I wish I could keep this forever, why isn’t it always like this?” It’s like, in that moment, you’re so present in what’s happening, that you completely forget about your suffering and everything that still bothers you. In that moment, you don’t even exist because you’re in this world and out of yours.

Comments closed

You came to realize something these last couple years, and it’s that my solution to my fear of failure was to not try at all. LOSER. And If I didn’t care to begin with, the results didn’t say anything about me (so i thought) —-BUT the not participating did. The mistake was looking for ways around failure— not being caught when I needed to be, not dealing with and learning the lessons from my mistakes. I avoided it there, to live it here. That’s how it works- you actually don’t get away with anything. You just pay it later. So whatever you do, just deal with it now. It’s way less painful and faster this way.

Comments closed

People respect appearances. It’s the filter the world can never move beyond. Few see through it, but even then, it doesn’t change how it all works. Which is always colored by the cover of your person, the suit you can never remove for as long as you wear your life. Those of us that have opposite truths, crave escape. We want out of our bodies because they don’t contain, they restrain. But the only way to leave is to rule. You can’t change the building you reside in— you can graffiti it, you can hire a different architect to carve it up and down and change the presentation of it, but you can never change it. Not how or why it’s built that way. You can only make peace with it, and you have to- or you’ll never gain its cooperation. The body isn’t the mind alone— your body is your matrix. If you want to leave the matrix, you need to learn how to win at yours.

Comments closed

I run. I run to things and away from others. I run and run and when theres no where to run, I vanish. I live in the stories I imagine. But I forgot which were true. When it accidentally worked out for me that I became a writer, I was fooled into finding the answer. Because even though I was a stranger to the language, every word I wrote was true. It was like writing a cry for help but while answering it. The words weren’t mine, but the sentences were. Towards the end, I ran out of paper and didn’t know what to do. So I looked up and found more life off the page. I forgot I was the writer, not the character running through the book.

Comments closed

Think about it, sunlight never reaches your soul, as deep as it goes is the surface. Your brain won’t even get oxygen without your meat suit filtering it. We’re literally imprisoned inside our body. And then we use our prisons to shape our outside world. But it never works because both of you are bound to natural law. Your body has needs separate from you– and you can’t change how it feels pleasure. So to change life, you have to design it as the person inside the body but play it through the body. You have to walk your meat suit in front of a multi room mirror and try to catch yourself in between making eye contact. And if you catch the person underneath their stare, you have to wear them. Let them eat you alive, what isn’t you will die. What’s alive after that will be what scares you about yourself, because it’s true.

Comments closed

I used to think you cared about me, now I see I don’t matter at all. Im mad but not enough to renounce you or say I don’t love you, never that. I can say fuck you, and mean it. I can say you’re a bigger piece of shit than me sometimes, and I mean that too. But I do love you, even if you don’t love me. And I can admit I was bad. I was weak, I voted for weakness. I didn’t know what to do so i chose to sleep. If you’re mad at me for that, I would rather you fight with me than ignore me. But like always, I have no say, you choose the dates. I’ll ask one favor- I know, impolite, right? But I ask anyway: release me.

Comments closed