Month: May 2021

You know, as much as I like writing letters to internet strangers, a lot of these posts are for myself.

I need my own advice, and being on the internet makes it easier to hold myself accountable.

That said, I’m calling my shot.

Within a year from now, I will be completely self-employed. I’ll have some clients that I write for, and my content business, and that’s it.

For a long time I was conflicted. I thought I could be a good employee if the career was my passion, naive- I know.

I’ve learned a lot since then, and I’ve come to understand I will never lose the urge to be solo-dolo.

Someone who once thought teamwork and leadership was everything can now admit, It isn’t for me.

Ya boi hates compromise.

I’m selfish, too self-interested, and far too extreme to be held down by a tribe and their small vision. I despise politics, games of status, he said/she said, all of this is a complete waste of time. We’re here for a short while, I’d rather spend it creating not “learning from others.”

It’s a short post today, but consider this a #GoU.

We make the rules of our lives, and we decide which arena we play in. Take back control of your life.

#StayFoolish

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What’s up Fool,

I wanna help you even the score with your hide and seek.

Instead of looking for that passion that lights up your very soul, start with what you know you don’t want.

I didn’t get started writing because I loved it. In fact, everything so far has come from a place of “I don’t want the alternative.”

Unless you’re that child prodigy who always knew you loved piano and could play for hours without eating, you’ll most likely have to go through a lot of trial and error to figure this out.

My first jobs out of school were in sales… well that, and I worked part time in administration at a church office (talk about phases).

I knew I never wanted to do these jobs. I hated them. Working with people exhausted me, plus, as far as personality goes, I score extremely low in trait agreeable. Meaning, there were no good days where I made some new friends, it did nothing but irritate me.

Without any upsides-

this was the start of my realization.

Knowing I couldn’t’ work in direct service roles helped me narrow my search. From here, I went on to look at creative fields.

No, I wasn’t an artist growing up nor did I pass my days dreaming of my artistic endeavors.

I just thought fame would be cool, and being worshipped might be a helluva way to make a living (I was 18, we’re all narcissists there).

When I lived in LA I linked up with some film friends and started helping them create short movies.

I knew, I knew from the very start, I don’t like this.

You know you don’t like something when you want it to be over as soon as it starts. But I did kinda like the idea, so I hard-headed my way through some years trying to make myself fall in love.

It didn’t work.

And another niche was crossed off the list.

I repeated this process for a good 5-8 years. I’ll turn 27 this year, only last year did it all come together.

I finally asked the most important question: What could I stick with, that even if I don’t totally love, would be a decent living for me?

And in came writing.

There. This process will save you years, decades, a lifetime and it’s practical.

What DON’T you like?

Cross all those off your list, and move towards the opposite.

#StayFoolish

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Before I ever got paid to write, you were my number 1 listener and supporter (not always by choice) but you were always there, regardless.

It’s funny, It takes seconds for me to write entire scripts for individuals but writing to you is extremely difficult.

Mostly because I don’t even know where to start.

I used to feel kinda guilty on these holidays, especially days like your birthday. I always felt like what I could gift to you was nothing compared to all you’ve done for me (which is painfully true). It was a lose-lose no matter what. Get you something and feel shitty about its insignificance, or do nothing and feel like a shitty son?

Anyways, back to this letter.

When I was young, all I could do was watch.

I think both you and I did a lot of that.

You were always looking out for my safety, watching our backs, making sure we had enough and could make it. You did all this alone and regardless of how you think you did, you’re the reason we made it.

You’re the reason I was allowed to think about goals, dreams, and my ambitions.

No matter how low I felt, no matter how low you felt, you stayed strong for all of us. You never gave up on me, even when I gave you every reason to.

Rather than share what you were going through, you silently pressed forward. You never dragged me down- if you went through something, you did it alone.

Our family never understood this about you, but I do. When you pull back and take time away from everyone, that’s you looking out for them. You never wanted to give people the worst of you, so you’d back away from everything to ensure that.

The best lesson I’ve ever learned from your actions is to always PUSH forward. Because of that, I am who I am and I am where I am.

You’ve taught me to never quit on myself.

AND If I could gift you anything, it isn’t displays of love through corny letters, random trips, or any other distractions. That’s all temporary, and immediately after- it’s over, like it never happened.

My wish for you is to forgive yourself.

I’ve always known your guilt. Although you’ve never shared it, spoken on it, and might be a little pissed that I’m writing it here- I know you still suffer from it.

We’re all guessing.

No one does this life thing “right.”

You took on the role of the mother and the father, and you successfully did both. If you see us go through something, you blame yourself, but that’s not yours to take.

You got us here, and we made it.

I don’t think you ever fully registered that.

We made it.

We don’t have to watch our backs anymore, fear uncertainty, live cautiously. See, now the hardest thing is to LET GO of all of that, and start doing things you enjoy.

The hard part is to get used to this new normal.

Easier said than done, I know.

I’ve never held anything against you, how could I? You’ve sacrificed everything for me, and would continue to do so. My wish is for you to do the same, for yourself.

A mother is everything to a son.

When I was nothing, you didn’t allow me to feel that way.

You set high expectations, which my self-esteem matched, way before my actions did- but it WORKED.

I love you.

We finally have our lives, sure they’re not all figured out. We’re ambitious, we want more, crave more, but there was a time we only DREAMED to be where we are right now.

All of our worries, this is nothing compared to where we’re coming from.

For that, please accept my gratitude to you.

And for everything else, know that I’ll always stand by you.

I love you.

Happy Mothers Day.

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“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

During my self-exploration hippie phase I learned there is a lot about ourselves we really can’t change.

Delusion is easy to sell.

It’s true, your character is something deeply ingrained into the fabric of your soul, and while a lot of us are proud of our zodiac signs and however the hell we define who it is we think we are, most of us crave a better and more meaningful life.

You don’t need to change anything about who you are as an individual. You don’t need to try to be someone else, that’s a destructive approach.

And that’s what all this self-improvement garbage teaches nowadays.

Actual character change is impossible, but you SHOULD have braces so you can at least fix that f**ked up smile.

We need a code, something we strive for to be better, something personalized and suited to our own challenges.

Too many of us age accidentally. We just get old, don’t learn, don’t invest in ourselves, and with time passing by, we meet the “advanced in years” angry geezer we never wanted to become.

If there was an order to this life thing, as to where you should start, the one area that impacts every single aspect of your existence- it’s attitude.

I’ve written that so many times it’s annoying.

But it stays the best life hack to flip it all upside down and start anew.

Presently, a lot of us suck at life. We were raised by individuals who sucked at life, because they too were taught the “careful, the world is evil” bullshit.

Forget what you like, hate, dislike, admire, and don’t.

Consider what kind of experiences you want to have, in the limited time you have on this rock?

What kind of person has those experiences?

And there is your task.

#StayFoolish

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Dragonball Z reference for those of you who don’t know.

The absolute best thing in the world that can happen to you is evolution. It’s the kiss of death if you somehow manage to straight shot your way to success.

You’ll be one of those old people, who had no character development. You just are what you’ve always been, closed-minded.

That shit is terrifying.

How we believe at a certain age we’ve got things figured out must be a glitch in the wiring.

We’re all guessing. We’re all faking it. Why would you hitting some number suddenly change that?

All you have is your attitude, instead you hold onto convictions.

Fantastical “adult” beliefs that you know are right- the equivalent to “knowing” Santa Claus is real.

Even the open minded aren’t open.

You have to be vulnerable to be influential, adaptable, and truly open.

For the longest time, I resisted my own potential. What no one ever talks about is it’s fun being a dumbass.

It’s fun not caring about others, being ignorant, and staying selfish.

It’s fun, but you won’t win long term.

You need metaphorical braces for your character. You need to guide your own development, this doesn’t happen by accident. Otherwise you’ll be an 80 year old w/ a fucked up smile for character.

I’m lucky.

At the bottom, I opened up.

I still struggle, but far less. Now, I’m self-directed because I know who I am and want to be. This comes from getting to know yourself, as you are.

You should always play, live fully, and go for it.

Just don’t be an idiot.

#StayFoolish

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Hey Fool,

Something I’ve come to realize is we don’t ever own anything. That’s obvious, but we don’t consciously live by this.

See, when we’re racing to and from work, playing politics, fighting about unimportant things we don’t even care about, we’re caught up in it. In these moments we completely forget how short this all is.

I used to wait to have fun. My mentality was that when I win, when I accomplish my goals, then I’ll go all out. The ironic part behind this belief, acting like that almost guarantees never reaching what you set out for.

A stupid phrase I used to hear too often was: How do you want to be remembered? I won’t speak for you, but I don’t give a shit what people think about me now, let alone when I’m gone.

I think a better phrasing would be: WHAT do you want to remember?

When we answer father time, and get that call, and we’re laying their in our final hours, what do you want to look back on?

I don’t want to be one of those people who took it serious. Who didn’t know how to play, let go, have fun, be in the moment, and laugh.

I don’t know if I’ll get everything I set out for. I don’t know what the future has in store. But none of that matters.

Nothing stops you from playing right now.

Nothing stops you from enjoying what you have.

#StayFoolish

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What’s hatnin’ Fool?

If you’re anything like me, you’re always looking for something more- to do, experience, accomplish, etc.

Readers of these blogs know, I personally struggle with restless dissatisfactory syndrome (its made up, but I still have it).

Look, it’s pop-corny but true.

If you’re a miserable person, forget your dreams. They won’t suddenly erase your amateur life-ing.

You’ve got to unlearn, relearn, and reset.

I see now that I had it wrong the entire time and most people do. You think that once you get the thing- new job, career, house, car, whatever, then you’ll be good.

It’s the other way around.

You get the thing by becoming more than you are.

If you’re going to go for it, live a life you actually enjoy, you have to go for it NOW. Don’t wait to figure it out, research it, or whatever the hell your shitty process is.

Just act like you know what you’re doing- start, and see it through.

#StayFoolish

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Imagination is good for art, bad for decision making.

Restlessness was and always will be the cause of my struggles.

When I learned to differentiate impulsive delusional urges from reality- I got better of it. A lot of things look like options, but in reality, they aren’t.

Somedays I just wake up, and for no reason at all- it finds me. The idea. The bad idea that whispers- you should do this thing, make this leap, even though everything in your life is going well, you should start over.

It’s sabotage, by your self saboteur.

I used to like that magical feeling. You know that thing you hold inside, that you don’t share with anyone but can always retreat to when the going gets rough. Like a bartender, who’s an aspiring singer, but only 3 people have ever heard their voice.

Truth is, you kinda suck.

Sure, you’re great at certain things, you’ve got potential, but as you are right now, you suck. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this. You’d have the life you desire.

There is good news.

Knowing where you suck is the first step to leveling up.

I didn’t want to believe Hogwarts rejected my application.

In a world where magic is real, I couldn’t accept that I’m not a wizard. That sucks shit.

But my cape-less crusaders, most of us aren’t. So what can we do? Sit here and cancel Hogwarts…. that just won’t do it.

We’ve got to make our own magic, wand-less and all, and the only way to do that is to get REAL with ourselves.

When I learned that I do this thing, get caught up in fantasy, take action on delusion and fuck up my life, only then could I stop doing it.

The train still comes, I just don’t get on it.

Yesterday, it visited me. I got hyped up by my own need to outshine everyone and get some recognition for my bigass ego, and I almost fucked it all up.

But, I left instead. Met with a friend, realized this is that thing I do, and then chilled and returned back to neutral.

We have to get real to get better.

You’re probably not a wizard, but you’re something and your only task is to be the best something you can.

#StayFoolish

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We’re sold this false idea of life being pure bliss. That somehow when and if- you make it, life will be awesome 24/7.

But fulfillment doesn’t come from the easy life.

It comes from developing.

If I got the position I’m in now, a year ago, I would have thrown it away. I didn’t have the right mindset. I wasn’t focused.

Rather than develop, I was looking to be “happy.”

We’re all looking for ways to fill the inner void, and the cheap route is unsustainable distractions.

Temporary happiness.

There isn’t a different kind.

Don’t chase rainbows.

What you’re actually craving is transformation. You want a better life, you want fulfillment, excitement, and this comes from personal evolution.

You need to become more.

Attitude determines your life course. Your approach and character will shape your destiny. Start there.

#StayFoolish

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We adjust fast….

I work from a laptop, have more freedom than I’ve ever had, I’m growing financially, and my skills are improving in something I actually care about.

BUT

I still get caught up in ME.

I’ll have a busy week, feel myself racing to meet deadlines (the racing is unnecessary), and then feel pissed off at everyone around me.

It’s so dumb.

If you would have told me the position I’d be in a year ago, firstly, I wouldn’t believe you, and I’d also think that I’ve made it- that being in this position, theres nothing that could possibly piss me off.

But we adjust.

Now, this is my new normal. So, I take racing speed demon with me.

And this made me realize, nothing changes you. There is nothing you can achieve, do, and improve, to suddenly be a different person.

Actual growth isn’t accidental, it’s intentional, purposeful, and consistent.

In the midst of me “playing the game”, climbing the career ladder, and going for my ambitions- I started pulling back (only mentally) and practicing stoicism.

I’m going after all I’ve ever wanted, while also knowing its not mine and I can lose everything I have.

I’m attaching my identity, values, and self-respect to my character. To developing a better self.

That’s the only thing that can’t be taken.

Everything else is fun, but temporary.

#StayFoolish

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