Trying to force love? Stop while you’re ahead… it just doesn’t work like that.
Even at my peak introspection, I thought I knew what I wanted. Sitting in a room writing weak ass prose to myself. If you could read my private journals you’d see two things: deception and an insane amount of “purpose talk.”
At first, my purpose was a humble one— you know, save the world. Didn’t know how I was going to do it, but it felt like a calling for sure. #millennial
In my later years, it went from being direct, to a subtle secret-santa type of calling. I could save the world with the art I make (mind you, I’ve never been an artist nor shown an inclination in my entire existence leading to that point).
But nonetheless, Directing became an idea.
AN IDEA– not a real goal, desire, passion, or even lucrative experiment. Somehow I tried to marry myself off to a random idea that I thought would be fun. I think by nature, we hate not knowing.
So we try to know. But trying to know is like that kid who repeats everything the teacher says in class– have a mind of your own you parrot.
Our floating feels miserable if we don’t have an explanation for our wasting life— so rather than call it “DIRECTIONLESS”, we call it strategically uncertain. “I know what I want to do, I just need (FILL IN THE BLANK)” or even better: I just need motivation….. funny.
It’s always losers who need to be motivated.
Winners get to work.
If you’re waiting for motivation, you’re avoiding your own wife (in this case, the dream, the goal, whatever it is you told people you’re after).
We mentally cheat on the things we actually enjoy with bullshit we want to love. I was always interested in human behavior and what makes people what they are— but that didn’t sound fun. So I tried to channel this into something else, and failed each time.
Did I study directing in my free time? No. Because when I tried I hated every second of it. Aaand here’s where you place the camera to create a suspenseful mood— I don’t give AF.
You already do the things you love, you already go there. Yet, when it’s time to sit down and make a life changing decision, we start from scratch.
Hmmmm. What kind of entrepreneur am I? The broke, unemployed kind.
You’re already doing the thing. In some way, even if small, you’re doing it. During my do-nothing years and good-for-nothings (what I call the 18-24 age range chapters of my life) I was still studying human behavior.
All I’m saying is this– stop pretending you know where you’re going. Stop trying to know. Instead, watch yourself. What are you reading? What are doing?
Eventually, you’ll see it.
The key is to stop trying to love, and you’ll see what you naturally do.
Cheers to divorce.
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