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MaddFool Posts

When she leaves you (motion > motivation)

Hello, 

… 

You. 

This AM I’m drafting my life plans, architecting what my day to day will need to look like to wake up in my ideal tomorrow, and then I thought, might as well share it here, I mean this is what you subscribe for. 

But I want to be genuine, so less performing more thinking. 

If I gave you a blank piece of paper and asked you to write, you’d stare at it for a good while, before finally purging some thoughts down… and why? 

Because it’s TOO OPEN. 

You have too many choices. 

Take that same blank sheet of paper, but now, ADD instructions. 

“Write me a short story about a retarded dog who learns to ride a bike”— Boom. You can immediately launch into the assignment and FINISH it! Unlike before.  

Blank sheets are the enemy of completion. 

So for us to LIVE and actualize our exact dreams, we have to pick one single vehicle (add clear instructions to the assignment) and ride that to the end. 

There’s no such thing as no constraints— only constipated creatives believe that, and they never do anything so who cares what they think.  

Point is, follow your list and do so narrowly. 

Just a thought. 

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The headless horseman found his head

I swallowed a stick of dynamite and blew off my head.

For the last few months,

I’ve lived as a body.

And that grew back my head.

Now I see.

You’re too mindful, too thoughtful, too inside your brain.

Return to instincts and your mind will return to you.

It’ll work for you rather than against you.

It’ll be how you remembered it, back when you could trust it.

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Reach the end? Phone a friend

I’m sure you’ve heard the two wolves saying,

basically,

Each of us has two wolves inside of us and they’re different from one another– so you have to feed both,

blah, blah, blah.

Well, if you’ve reached the end and gone as far as you can go, it’s time to switch wolves.

LEAD with the other.

We have different energies in us.

You can channel something new,

and you need to, if you’re stuck.

If you normally lead towards detachment, go the other way.

Break your patterns by channeling something new, play a different role.

You’ll find a whole new life—

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Real Life > Internet

My last job was mostly remote, on top of that, it was a creative role.

That meant a lot of internet-ing (following trends, riding new wave ideas, constant research, and being open to insanity).

The internet is a mad world.

Think about it— if the gasoline that fuels its motion is attention, the machine has to constantly find new ways to grab and hold yours.

It does that with drama.

You see all the crazy shit online and start to believe it.

The machines goal is to keep you coming back….

…but if you’re going there, you’re not here….. in real life.

These last few weeks, I’ve been working in person— at a business, and it’s not what the internet advertises.

Here– people disagree,

and can do so without hating each other.

They work together.

They don’t get offended easily.

They’re normal.

There’s no my pronouns, identity, political party, tribe, group, belief, this, that, you, me, conspiracy, narcissism…..

There’s just people.

Being people.

Leave this virtual psych ward and you’ll find life is a lot more beautiful without the filers.

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What is this trying to teach me?

Not the smile through pain type?

Maybe you ought to be.

We piss away our lives waiting for the things we enjoy, but that only trains you to hold back— and keep holding back.

Til you reach the end, full of wasted potential.

Instead,

Give it your all.

Practice EMBRACING everything.

We should all have one goal— to leave nothing in the tank.

Give your life to your life and you’ll live more in every moment than most people do for 80 years.

Look at where you are right now, look.

Ask yourself, since I’m here:

What is this trying to teach me?

-Fool

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Metamorphosis

In the span of two weeks, I became a different person.

It was always in me,

but it used to be out of reach.

To become what you are, you have to COOK in your own fire.

You have to shut off the world and listen.

Listen for instruction,

Listen inside,

Listen and you’ll see where to go.

Then

Obey it.

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Participate > Perform

Stress, anxiety, and living under a constant state of uneasiness, these symptoms don’t come from your self-diagnosed neurotic personality.

They come from focusing on the outcome:

performing.

You DO need to perform in life, but the irony is, when you focus on performing rather than participating, you usually don’t do so well.

Think of role playing in sales jobs.

With clients you know what to say and never stutter, but as soon as you get in front of a group— you go full deer in headlights and are rendered speechless.

It’s no different in life.

If you want to do well, focus on DOING the thing, not how the thing will play out.

Focus on the activity and let go of the outcome.

Participate.

-Fool

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Don’t Be So Sure of Yourself

You know what you’re good and bad at,

but is that because you tried it all already or because you decided?

We limit ourselves BUT not because of beliefs,

but decision.

You made up your mind about yourself.

You wrote yourself off– what is and isn’t for you,

what you like and hate,

where you do well and where you don’t.

But what if

You’re wrong?

What if this whole time you’ve been missing the invitation to live your life?

Forget what you know.

Be open.

See what this human you call yourself is capable of,

do something different.

-Fool

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Go!

Don’t run,

Go.

Move into action.

Escaping and running away, retreating to the security of your own, safe world, will kill you– and slowly.

This constant need to search for and prioritize security, to become sedated in it, is your biggest obstacle and character flaw.

You don’t need more solitude,

You don’t need more self punishment.

You need surrender,

Trust.

Allow what could happen to happen.

And be there when it does.

-Fool

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Fight Your War

I’ve always put it off,

wanting to go all in on my strengths

To not face my weaknesses.

But somehow they resurface, because the truth is,

THIS is why you’re here.

You won’t get to the other side— where you HOPE to go,

UNLESS you fight your war.

You’re not up against what you’re afraid of.

It’s not people, circumstances, obstacles, none of that is what you fear.

It’s your GUARD.

YOU vs YOUR GUARD.

The voice that tells you to run, hide, quit, give up, RETREAT.

And you listen— and keep listening….

That’s why you’re here.

You HAVE TO Turn around,

Fight.

Learn to breath calmly under fire, and you’ll find that your guard is

ALL BARK

No BITE.

-Fool

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Cementing Your Human

Hey Transformer,

For the next year I’m going to focus on one thing—

Pushing my limits.

I’m inviting you to do the same.

If you can let go of your worries, wants, and needs– only for this next year, and spend your focus on transforming yourself, the life you wish for will grant itself.

Here’s how it works:

Pick your insecurity, struggle, or chink in the armor, AND DRILL IT.

Attack it.

Move directly towards what you suck at, and BUILD THAT.

This momentum will propel you to an entirely different world, one you used to wish for.

-Fool

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I went back in time

There’s just one downside to time travel,

You’re still your future age, only now, you get to play that level with the skills you got from tomorrow.

No one else will notice you’re older,

so keep it secret.

Oh,

and you can only go back,

because forward is outside of your control.

So once you choose your desired year to re-do,

you’ll have to live from then on, in that reality.

So choose wisely.

Now, before you wake to that time,

here’s how to choose the year:

Think back to a pivotal decision, the ONE that changed the course of your life.

If you could revise it,

It would likely lead to a completely different life.

You might have hit your goals sooner, been more fulfilled, have the things you chased in the wrong directions.

It could have been a move to a different country, or state, or leaving school, or starting school, it’s different for each of us—

But you’ll know it because the mind holds onto these things.

Once you have it,

the year— the decision, the choice you want to do over,

Be clear on what you would have done differently.

Would you have stayed instead of left, worked instead of traveled, traveled instead of climbing the corporate ladder?

Decide.

Now,

Step into that, in the present.

Seriously.

I know, but you’re older, life moved on, things changed— it doesn’t matter.

Take that mindset and PICKUP from that year— mentally, spiritually, physically.

The lessons you’d have given to that you, LIVE them now. Live them today, and you’ll find the course of your life start to change.

Because you can’t change one thing, without changing it all.

Live your past advice, today.

–Fool

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To follow God, Press record

You know what’s funny to me?

I spent 10 years looking for answers, systems, advice, expertise….

I spent all that time looking for the “why” to my life,

and you wanna know where I found it?

Here.

Through my own posts.

This content ended up being truer for me than anyone else,

and had I followed my own advice,

I would have gotten to my answer a lot sooner.

Record your life.

Journal, video it, do it however is comfortable for you.

You don’t have to share it.

But you’ll find all the answers you’ll ever need in there.

-Fool

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Your View is Your World

Why don’t you like your life?

Well, it starts with those contact lenses.

Not the eye sight improvers, but the contact you make with the world through the lens you view it.

Our VIEW of the world is what creates the world we live in.

Let’s say you follow an entrepreneur you really admire, and they’re helping you improve, working out more, reading more, starting a biz, etc.

Since you’ve seen results following this person, you’re likely to take on their beliefs and attitudes about the world.

But their view of the world is, “people are out to get you

The life they live will reflect this to them.

And they’ll reflect it back to you.

They’ll make this true, and you, without noticing, will adopt the same position and enter the same world– their world.

Your approach to life creates the dyamic that life returns to you.

If “people are bad”, you’ll prove it.

If they’re good, you’ll prove it.

You get what you put out.

Don’t like your genre? Change it by showing up different.

-Fool

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To catch a rabbit, dig a hole

I know, I know.

I promised to call, but I was on the other line,

and here’s what Alice told me:

If you suffer from mind (worry,fear,anxiety,depression)

you need to leave it.

When we desire things, we’re tempted to chase them directly… but that’s the quickest way to never catch them.

Chasing creates more chasing

and rarely leads to catching.

When you chase a rabbit, you end up following paths not your own, and before you know it– years go by and you forgot what you were after & why you’re running.

Rather than chase, you must become.

Be where you are, Be what you are.

Everyone chases and that’s why few catch.

If you ignored all the running rabbits and instead dug holes,

eventually you’d find a rabbit in one of them.

This is your life,

Be in it.

Happy living.

-Fool

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DEAD FOR 10 years (how I accidentally sold my soul)

It’s not like you do it in one lump sum, it’s small payments, decisions that betray yourself, that suddenly land you there— purgatory.

I wanted to change my name since I was 6 years old. I hated my father, I was embarrassed of my family, my name, who I was, I was ashamed that I didn’t have the picture ideal life I thought others had, and I wanted it.

So I HID. 

I hid myself, kept shit under wraps and lied about everything. If I got bad grades, I covered them up. If I was weak, I looked strong. 

I controlled what others saw, that became my only priority. 

And I was really good at it. 

If you were affiliated with me, you were a risk to me. That was a door to the truth, people could find out about me through you—- my family members, mom, sister.  

I hid them.  

Especially my sister, I controlled her. She didn’t even know I was doing it. 

My fear and shame of the truth made me aggressive. I kept hiding, if u got close to me, i thought you could hurt me, so I’d make you afraid of me. 

I’d tell you lies about yourself, I’d make you believe them. 

I ran away from life by living a lie.  

I was afraid of being weak but my anger always outgrew my fear. 

My final year of high school— before I turned 18 and knew I was going to change my name, I switched schools. My first taste of a Blank slate.

My New Start.   

I decided to test drive the new character, before I make it official with the name. 

I decided to rewrite my past, by pretending it didn’t exist because soon, it wouldn’t. I chose to become that guy (but only by appearance).  

The very first day, I came in hot. Louder than everyone, dominating, commanding. If you said shit to me, I met you with violence. AND It kept working. 

Reality was whatever I said it was, everything I wanted, I got and I got it unfairly. I cheated and succeeded. The bolder I was, the more successful.  

I graduated feeling the highest I ever felt, the most alive. With that momentum, I changed my name. And ran off to LA to go be famous, in I don’t even know what, but I wanted the world’s eyes, money, and attention, spent on me.  

And there it started registering. It had been a long time coming, and there I signed the devils dotted line and sold my soul. 

Years of presenting falsehood turned on me. I became a stranger to myself. Since I only knew how to lie, I kept trying to lie my way into success, but kept failing.  

My wings looked real to you, but the sun’s rays aren’t fooled by appearances, and I fell. 

I locked myself away from others. Isolated myself. I didn’t want them to see me weak. I spent 2-3 years in LA trying to fake my way into the inner circle, and I didn’t even stop to notice, I didn’t want THAT life. 

But I was lucky—- none of my plans worked.   

I returned home. A loser, a fraud, but still hungry for false success. Still hungry for fame and fortune. 

I tried to copy others, famous people who inspired me. I could write, so I picked that field. Tried writing songs, tried writing poems, then commercials, then other random shit. Again, I didn’t want this at all, but didn’t know it, because I couldn’t understand the concept of “living your truth.” 

So No success.  

Another 3-4 years passed, no fruits from fraud.  

Now I’m broker, older, and still have nothing to show for it. 

I was so depressed I wished I could have accidentally been killed but I still held onto my visions of greatness. So I refused to do it myself. 

I moved around, job hopping. Starting over and over, making fake resumes, changing locations, running from my failures and past. 

The only thing I DID have (a skill from all this presenting falseness) was I knew how to make things look enticing, I knew how things needed to look to get people to respond, that, and I could kinda write. So I temporarily submitted to the idea that I might not be a star— I might not be destined for success.   

With that obsession put on pause, I got my first real job as a copywriter. Unlike my pursuits, I was actually great at it, makes sense, my whole life was about getting responses from appearances.   

But there was a downside, I was rewarded for the thing that cost me everything. The more I played, the higher I flew. I started acting in some ads that I wrote for the company, and felt a rush of dopamine because they performed like crazy. I was bolder, louder, dominating like my senior year pre-name change. I thought I was me again. 

I started smoking weed, doing casual drugs, because I deserved it, time to party I thought– looked like I was finally about to make it.    

The more I got, the emptier I felt. I started to feel my own deadness inside, my void. I couldn’t stop it from whispering to me. I knew this had to die but didn’t know what that meant or why the hell I was feeling this now when after all these years, I finally started to get what I wanted. 

So I left it all behind. 

I WAS DOWN BAD. 

3-4 months isolated by myself, and sank lower than I ever had in my entire life. I took shrooms everyday, and was high all the time. I was doing the most drugs I ever had and documenting the whole thing, thinking maybe I was destined to create some great art so fuck it, kept feeding the fire. 

But instead of art, the documenting turned into self reflection, by accident of course. 

And then, I had a really bad trip.   

One day, I saw something that scared the living shit out of me and I quit it all cold turkey the next day. It scared me because I knew it was true. 

I saw myself.  

Underneath it all, 

I saw who I was living as and who I actually was, caged by my own illusions. The character I created almost convinced me he was the real me, and I was the fake? I almost lost to the devil. 

I lived as a character for so long, I actually fooled myself. 

I forgot who I was.  

This person had different beliefs than me, and did things I was against. HE was nothing like me. My own making became my unmaking.  

Until I heard something I used to run from, one word that resurrected me. 

My name. 

My birth name whispered to me during this trip.  

All it took was remembering my name, hearing it, saying it out loud, and I got my soul back. 

I could feel again. 

I didn’t even know I lost that, I was used to being the living dead. 

My name broke through all the falseness and finally helped me rise back. With my name back, I got my SOUL back.  

AND I’M WEARING IT. 

You think your creation can compete with God?

I learned first hand, imitation isn’t the same as invention. When you lie, you betray yourself and sell off little parts of you, until you— the thing that was gifted to you when you were born, is completely removed. 

And the shell you designed is all you have— an empty life sentence. 

Don’t betray yourself.

Live true.  

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Hide & (forever) Seek

What you hide, hides from you.

You can’t be afraid to show yourself.

You have to surface.

The consequences of hiding– whether it be keeping yourself physically locked away or mentally and emotionally deceptive, never sharing your true views and outlooks, has one price and you will pay it:

Your soul.

You’ll lose contact with who you are and then you’ll spend the rest of your life never knowing yourself.

You’ll follow others.

You’ll wander aimlessly.

You’ll never become anything or do anything.

To avoid this fate, you have to STOP hiding.

Fuck being shy, insecure, FUCK being small.

You feel weak? Show up anyway.

You feel worthless? Who gives a shit.

Learn to silence your emotions by MOVING FORWARD anyway.

The action you need to take is whatever attacks that voice.

FACE YOURSELF to face the world.

-Fool

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Do Fear

On the other side of your worst nightmare, is who you’re supposed to become.

You’re allowed to feel fear.

You’re allowed to be afraid.

But you can’t believe it.

You have to see destruction as part of your salvation.

You have to get angry–

and then, rather than wasting that anger on others or circumstances, you have to be selfish with it.

You have to keep it all for yourself, and USE IT.

You have to make the choice to love your own suffering.

Real power doesn’t come from affirmations or feel good quotes.

It comes from staying in the ring, letting yourself get hit and rather than retreating, learning to bleed— because you’re better for it.

You’re already dying, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve got something to lose.

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How a CopyCat Becomes Original

How things look, don’t make them what they are.

The illusions we cast are powerful– and you’ll be tempted to do it.

Lying can get you a job, it can open any door, start new relationships, even get you in some exciting adventures.

But you will never fool yourself.

The more you lie, the more you drown the person who was supposed to live your life- YOU.

Become a lie, and no one can reach you.

You’ll be permanently isolated within your own mind and body, alone, stuck in the fake world you created— and there, no one will be able to save you.

If you want a fulfilling life, that comes from none other than the truth.

See where truth takes you.

I did this.

I was a liar.

It was how I fought, how I survived, and how I got ahead.

But it made me miss out on real life— because illusions can never replace what is real, and no matter how close to the real thing an imitation is, it can never substitute the truth.

The experiences that come from living with your life on the line— vulnerable, authentic, that is your destiny.

Don’t rob yourself of your life from fear of being yourself.

Pull deep within, face it all, embrace it. Sit in the dark until your eyes adjust, and become your own light.

-Fool

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Don’t take your drug dealers prescriptions

Every belief we hold onto, adds a layer over our perception.

When you consume content from people you’re open to, it’s like putting eye drops in— but these drops slowly change your eye color to theirs.

You start to view the world as they do.

You start to see the way they see.

The problem with this is— for starters, they might be wrong.

They might not be what you need for your path.

They might remove you from developing in ways only you were supposed to.

Don’t take others prescriptions.

You can learn from all, but don’t become them.

-Fool

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