Hail Fools,
Yesterday I had one of those days- you know those days when you feel moody, kind of tired, and then you’re visited by “hello, darkness my old friend.”
Laying there, pondering the mysteries of the universe, I couldn’t shut my mind off. All I wanted to do was sleep off that gnawing existential sadness buried from childhood wounds but my f**king mind kept watering my internal garden of bullshit.
So I gave in.
“What then!”
It was like a shower thought, vague, yet full of the right answers to questions you can’t articulate. I realized something, life is so much simpler than you think.
I used to wonder why certain times in my life were ecstasy while others were unbelievably low.
I only ever feel this sadness when alone for too long. I was quick to diagnose this awhile back as some type of depression, but luckily I was way off. It turns out I’m just social. When I go a few days without group activities I get a double shot of depresso-espresso. The wiring of a true extrovert.
When I went through my post high school graduation identity crisis, I was really into personality psychology.
Makes sense, since you’re lacking sense of self. #Bars
I tried out the zodiac thing but that made it worse. My astrological combo was supposedly “conflicting” so I wrote that off as trash gobbledygook and went to mbti.
I didn’t like that either. It tried to tell me I’m unfocused and all over the place, and sure it’s true, but I’m kinda depressed, 18, pimply and haven’t done shit with my life yet, so naturally it’d be true.
Finally I landed on some boring ass big 5 personality test. No validation, no cool things to brag about, just a useful guide for how to build a life around your character.
High extroversion- means I needed to be apart of a team, low agreeable… I need to compete, and never do direct customer service roles.
So what’d I do with this info back then?
Nothing.
Pretended I never saw it and continued to do whatever the f**k I want.
Not so surprisingly, life wasn’t fulfilling breaking the rules of my DNA. And so as the years went by and I tried out careers way outside my wiring, I kept being hit by the lacking sense of self. Deep resentment due to not abiding by your nature.
And then it hit me.
There, laying in the fetal position after eating a bag of Hawaiian BBQ chips, you just need to build your life around your character.
It’s that simple.
I revisited my past for signs of this, was it true? Sure enough, the years where I accidentally honored what I was like, I felt more myself and was happy AF.
So there it is.
Figure out how you’re wired, and rewire your life.
#StayFoolish you handsome motherf**kers.
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