It’s hard to believe it, but you’re really gone. A part of me thought you’d live forever, all those years of drug and alcohol abuse and not even a cold?
If there is a karma, you cheated her…. but why should she be different from the rest?
For all your flaws, I always admired how you handled pressure. Only you know the crazy shit you had going on in your life, but you never did break. If anything, that’s something I will take with me moving forward.
When I was young, and all I had for you was hate, unimaginable anger, detachment, people would tell me that one day I’d understand you.
I used to write those individuals off as idiots, what was there to understand?
You had issues, and you never overcame them. As angry as I was, even back then I knew, nothing was personal with you.
You didn’t do anything to anyone, you just existed the only way you knew how, and that indirectly happened to f**k everyone in your atmosphere.
Maybe it’s our culture, maybe it’s just how you and I were, but there was a similarity to us that made it impossible to ever get close. That was something I never wanted to admit, but something you’d see in me now.
I’m not going to lie and say I miss you.
But I want you to know, as brief as it was, I’m thankful you were in my life. Believe it or not, you helped shape me for the better.
I learned from our fights, from uncertainty, you helped bring out my bold, creative, and gutsy behavior.
You helped me learn to be alone, and to act accordingly.
And I did, and always do.
You lived like there was no tomorrow… finally you were right.
I’m not very traditional and I don’t know how much you know or don’t know about all that’s happened since we cut ties, but like you, I have my own strange belief system.
This is the closure that’s helped me and if there is an afterlife, maybe it’ll help you. Despite who you were, I will honor you by the way I live. I’m going to make the most of my life, continually build my character, and enrich the lives around me by becoming more than I am.
You had so much talent and potential, but you abused it. I’ll do the opposite.
We never were close, and death doesn’t change that. But I don’t have any hate in my heart, and I guess those people were right all those years ago– because while I don’t agree with you, I understand you.
I hope you found some kind of peace and if not, I hope it brings you peace knowing that I’ll never give into my own weakness, and that comes from you.
In the end, all we have is who we are.
Rest In Peace.
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