Years ago I had this dream, I followed this beautiful woman into these caves.
Her face was human, but her body was covered in black scales.
In the dream, I somehow knew she wanted to consume me— and part of me wanted that too, but I knew, even in the dream, I wouldn’t make it out if I let her.
So I escaped at the last second and woke up.
For years, I’d avoid the dark parts of my own psyche– I’d deny those parts of me. And the more I did that, the less control I had over it.
Eventually, I became only the body I lived as, but the person who lived in it wasn’t there. I was dead and didn’t know it.
So I wandered for years from thing to thing.
I thought it was career, or success, or maybe love, I didn’t know what I was looking for but eventually I ran into some good fortune and that led me back to her– right back into her cave.
When I started my writing career– that was deeply connected to who I am as an individual, so it lit a small candle in the void– that was enough to see direction.
The more I created and used skills tied to who I was as a person, the more strength that stranger gained, and without me being aware, that person finally took over.
And then I had to make a choice, let myself be eaten and see what emerges or live the rest of my life as an image– not living or dead.
I turned around and surrendered.
I walked right into the abyss.
And she took me.
When I died, something else was born– it was me but more than me, more than what I used to be.
I spent my whole life running from my own power, because I was afraid of ghosts.
But what haunts you only does so, because you’re unfamiliar. The truth is, it’s what you’re afraid of that holds everything you’re looking for.
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